Feeling it

Feeling the night...alll over mah body! Tired and achy, so nothing new or earth shattering here today. Hope everyone has a good day and a great week. I am signed up for Over time, so it is likely I won't be saying too much, though if you listen closely you will hear...ZZZZZZZ..snore...snore. This means one day off out of 7, then back for 5 more. (sadly, I don't think there will be much of a difference on my check.)

argh..

hugs,

k

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Hmm...tapping fingernails and wondering...

My horoscope for today..hopeful message..doubtful delivery. Not being pessimistic, just realistic because I know myself and how I am feeling these days. Being stuck in a rut is not just my financial status, it is also my personal status. Afraid to move forward (which I have previously mentioned in other blog entries) and cannot turn back. My heart feels like a split personality disorder..

"Go for it!"

"Umm..No."

" Check out that profile! funny guy?"

" Umm..NO."

"Oh! Yea Baby, now we are talking..stud to the rescue!"

"Um..No and NO!"

Sigh..see? Ok, I will copy what it said so you can see for yourself. I am the Push Me Pull Me, from Dr Dolittle...the original. ( what have I said before? If you are not old enough, you should not read here! Lol. Look it up!)

And Voila! The previously mentioned portent of miracle....

"Deep inside of you, exciting new ideas are finally starting to gel. If you keep a hopeful attitude and stay focused on the positive side of things, you should start to sense a new beginning coming soon. This could be the start of a special relationship that takes you in new directions. If you have been looking for a new romance, this could be it. You are definitely ready for the emotional challenge of it -- right now you are in a position to be an excellent partner."

Ummm..Suuurree! If you say so, I will buy it.( the relationship prediction) Despite everything, I am a romantic at heart. I used to believe in fate...that unseen force that brings two people together. It has happened twice in my life, and it felt very very right, but turned out wrong. These days the romantic is being tied down by reality....status financially, age, and insecurity, three giant whammies. It's still there..hopeful to the last, but I am not holding my breath anymore, -or- diving into something that may look right but is just another romantic blunder. I'll take the new hopeful beginning, yes indeed! I WANT THAT! ( I would at least attempt a cartwheel and a couple of somersaults) But Caution..is my byword towards men. Attaching my safety belt now..and it's wait and see.

(* wondering..if they can let me borrow the ropes they use for special effect fighting..I know I could cartwheel then..heh heh)

hugs,

k

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Amendment to this blog: All dating accounts closed. I will go with fate, and not force a new relationship. I feel I have had my chance at love, and will stay single until life sends someone my way, or not. My own self-expectations set me on a course I was not ready for, and later did not want at all. If God intends me to be alone then what will be will be. If it seems I am chickening out..I am not. Heart break and I are well acquainted, and I am not going to set myself up for another one by finding the wrong one.

k-7/19/11

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determined

Determined to get this daggone paperwork completed this week...that is the stuff for licensing. I am still waiting on an old employer to send pension info..then I should be able to finish this and turn it in. Whether I pass their inspection is another story. At least I will know one way or the other.

But...when those 70 + pages are off my desk, I still have paperwork to complete for the IRS.

Sunshine fund..still no answer for loan for Bankruptcy.

A second job is growing more likely to be needed. If I do get the loan, I will lose money each check. And per the IRS I need to change my W4..so that is $90 less as well per check.

I really just want things resolved, to know my final status, so I can move on and plan for it.

Personal paperwork, always puts a smile on mah face..NOT..when it takes weeks to finish...argh.

Officially poor? Yes. Yes indeed. If I did not know it before, I sure do now.

k

9/22/11 Amendment

Sunshine fund Never answered me, at all, despite repeated messages asking. I gave up after leaving at least 4 messages. Not sure WHY they would purposely ignore a employee request, but they did. Now the additional funds are no longer in my account, due to medical bills and vehicle requirements. IRS stuff still pending and I have to get a move on before it gets worse.

Will require a visit to WV office in Martinsburg for my "I ain't got no money honey" paperwork.

I'm really tired of this. There is only so much bullshit paperwork that I can stand and I met my limit a while ago. Poor, yes. Frustrated? You bet.

k

Dinner is Served!

Burritos are bundled.. meat, beans and cheese all cozy within the tortillas. Come on over if ya want some.

I'll throw in some chips.

~k

Neighbors

I have become quite popular with my elderly neighbors. They see me come and go, watch me tote my laundry or fetch my mail. There is always a kindly wave. One of the porch sitters recently moved. I had no idea what happened, only that one day he was gone. Then yesterday as I dropped off my rent I heard "HI!!" and looked to see my old neighbor now occupying a new porch in the older section, which seems to be closer to assisted care. He was so happy to see me he actually spoke more than the usual greeting. I felt bad leaving, but said I would see him around.

I can totally relate to their days, waiting for interaction of any kind. Happy to see anyone walking by.

Another porch sitter (with a motorized scooter) always sits outside hat on. I can see home health stopping by to visit and help at least once per day. As I was doing laundry after a long night, he said something as I was walking by. I could not hear him, so I walked closer. I imagine I looked tired ( there are always circles under my eyes now..not a day passes when I cannot see them in the mirror. I wonder if this will be my 'new' look.) What he said was "You need to wake up." and he chuckled. I replied " I've been up all night..just trying to get this chore done." I guess that was a real knee slapper, because he did...laughing and slapping his knees. I smiled, at least I gave him a moment of happiness, however unintended.

Yes it is a quiet part of the neighborhood. There are many disabled people living on this side. I guess I admit to preferring their friendly waves to loud music and louder cars. But it bothers me...that this apartment sits amid others who are just waiting. Waiting for family to stop by, waiting for someone to wave to them, just waiting for the next stage, and sadly for most it will be somewhere closer to a nursing home. Me? I have felt like I was waiting since I moved in.

Waiting for there to be an appreciation of freedom...one that I did not ask for. It sometimes seems more like a jail then a home. Time I must serve. I wonder when I will get out for good behavior? Or will I grow cobwebs and end up sitting on my porch waving at young people passing by?

~

k

ps: There are times when Mr Ed, my old neighbor, slips and stills says "Hi neighbor" to me at work. Not anymore. My old home is filled with un's. Un-neighborly, unfaithful, unkind and undeserving.

Today's Observations

~~I'm so bored I can feel my hair grow.

~~No matter how much I clean, the cat hair wins.

~~I am tempted to answer spam...oh yeah..now you get it.

~~Cooking for one sucks...on a budget? more so...the same dinner for days.

~~I'll have to quit smoking because I cannot afford it, not for my health.

~~There is only so many tokens you can win, points you can get before

you start grinding your teeth.

~~my butt is attached to this chair.

July 4th

Think I will meet someone for coffee, and perhaps later we'll take in some fireworks from a Burger King dining room. . Maybe we will make love all night and stop at Bob Evans for breakfast, and peek into a trunk of antique rifles.( do you remember his tornado story?)

After that we can drive to Walmart and purchase a pair of jeans. (because we did not plan this, and you have to work, and need clothes.) Later on we will realize that we had not slept all night, neither one of us wants to say Goodbye. Spontaneous combustion, the fireworks were not just in the sky.

It was definitely a magical day and night. Together we made it so.

*That memory cannot be wiped away, tossed out, or duplicated. It was genuine, and as real as it gets. A wonderful 4th of July weekend, there shall not be another one like it. For me, it was and still is perfect to remember. I Thank you for that.*

Happy Anniversary.

~k