Yeppers..here I go

Yes to my previous blogs. I start 5 days a week at DR beginning this week. That will not last long, then officially a supervisor. I know that it won't be long at DR rate, because I've heard from past candidates working in another capacity now at the casino. They don't like to pay more than they have to. I will take it while I can.

I am deeply saddened and sort of disturbed that I will be filling the shoes of one fantastic supervisor, and I am not happy about how he is being ousted. I admire him and his endless energy and his ability to run a shift. I love him as a friend, he is one of the nicest people there. I truly wish I was not his replacement to be, I'd much rather be moving into a spot not vacated by him. But I have little to do with what is happening, I am just another player in the production. Being under study to him is like me stepping in for Meryl Streep in a Broadway show.

So wish me luck, I will be needing some.

hugs
k

My Boogeyman

I don't know what is this generation's greatest fear, but I can speak for my own...Nuclear war. When I have nightmares, and yes..I sometimes still do, that war is what keeps coming back. I grew up with detente...whoever has more missiles wins..though as the saying goes.." There Are NO winners in a Nuclear War." And there wouldn't be. We knew it, we lived with it, and it still to this day, after the SALT treaties, it stays with us.


During my young adulthood there were movies "The Day After ," "Threads" (which is very hard to find these days, it was scary as hell) and "Testament." I read Robert McKinnon's "Swan Song", a fictionalized fairy tale that started with a Nuclear war. I watched news reels of how they tried to educate school children to "Duck and Cover" under their desks for protection. And when I was only 3 there was the Cuban Missile Crisis.


So yes..it permeated my life. It is still my Boogeyman to this day. Do I believe I am any safer now than before? Umm..no, not really. Even if I survived a direct hit (which would be preferable) death would be painful and sure. Essentially we would F-up the planet, if it was not radiation, there would be starvation. Nuclear winter is not just a theory, this planet has seen it more than a few times even before man was a single cell. To correct an imbalance takes millions of years, or billions. Blocking out the sun for even a short time would be enough to finish the rest of us off.


I am not randomly dooming and glooming, I had a doozy of a dream last night. Anxiety? Not sure, it's possible.  But it has been a long time since I had one. Here is the dream sequence:


With my ex-husband, who had a job at some sort of bank office. (no he never did) I arrived for some business celebration and promised to help. When I returned to help...there was a line of homeless people waiting for me to assist them. No paperwork could be found, (of course..this is my anxiety dream, lol) So I asked them what they needed. The dream switched to me sitting down in a lounge with big plate windows. Someone else was there. There was a rumbling noise, the pictures and objects started to shake...I said.."Cover Your Eyes!" And the sun like explosion followed, I could see the light filtered through shut eyes with my hands covering them as I fell off the chair to the floor. That ended the dream. It was enough.


Do the generations that followed mine have the same fear? Or are they oblivious to our past? Everyone seems to jump on the cause of the moment and then quickly move on. (short attention span) What we are taught to fear these days is more like a program presented to us by nightly news.  Like a commercial, over in seconds. I fear for the short minded, they miss the mark by jumping on cue, and quickly forget. That leaves a whole lot of things never questioned..and a giant group of sheep...Bahhh, Bahhhh...who just accept.


I believe that everyone thinks that a nuclear threat is a thing of the past. I think that they are wrong.
Hence my special nightmare, my take on the Apocalypse. In line to collect our money, never expecting,
never questioning, unable to question because it is a "past" issue. And then it is there.


Hoping for better dreams tonight,
k

Waiting

Some time in the next week I will find out what the decision will be regarding the promotion. There have been interviews other than mine, and I was surprised at some of the candidates, and happy about others. We are after all a team. I have already expressed to our two Swing managers that I would not feel cheated if they chose someone else more worthy. It does though.at this time seem as though the managers as a whole would like me to be the one selected. Today (despite the incredibly uncomfortable temperatures) was a day for compliments, from Swing and from Grave shift. On my shift I work with both sets.


I feel as though it is a natural progression for me. I know the drawbacks..more time at work, and likely a check that is no greater than what I already take home. All my life I have been the cheerleader and support behind a partner, encouraging them to strive for greater. This time it is for myself, and I have had some wild internal conversations, debating the pro's and the cons of accepting the promotion.  There has been only one other time in my life that I had a chance to move up, and I passed it up for a better quality of life at home. That turned out to be a joke on me, but that is over and done with, you cannot go back.


Our tails were kicked again today, always expected on a holiday weekend, record numbers of guests that will last through till Monday around 8pm.  We shared with each other the places to go to in the casino where you can find some cool air. I felt as though I was melting all day in the hustle and the heat. (The shower after work felt heavenly.)  I do work with some incredible people, and it does at times feel as though we are family. ( I think we see each other more than we see our at home families.)


I will post when I find out which of us is selected. Not holding my breath, not worried about it all. I know I can do the job, but will respect their decision.


G'nite
k

I'm Back!

Well, at least I did not do the "Shining thing" and say..."Here's Johny!" Lol..I was computerless for a few days, it felt like I had lost a limb or something. I guess that says a lot about my lifestyle, mostly on line in my spare time. I did get some things done that I had planned on finishing. Watched some DVD's, read a few books. ( I like to savor my reading...a little at a time to stretch them out..because..yes..books are a treat to me.)

I've also been at work just about every day but one in the last nine days. I have circles under my circles, and I still have 2 weeks of this to go. I did put in for the Supervisor position, but I fear it will be the beginning of the end of me being satisfied with work. Supervisors there are over worked and definitely under paid. It was the logical next step, something I wanted to accomplish to be able to say to myself.."You Did It." Only time will show me if it was the right step to take. The exiting 2 supervisors are excellent at their jobs. Big shoes to fill. And I have not stopped speaking my mind in the nicest possible way. I am much more outspoken then the 3 of them. Will it help me or hinder me? I don't know, but I am not going to change who I am at this point in my life. Not for a job, and not for a person either.

Glad to be back...I was composing in my head..it was getting crowded in there.

Hugs
k

Sitting on the fence

Yes I am fence sitting, still unsure which direction to go.Do I go for it and risk that the problems go with the job currently stands will not be addressed? Do I stay where I am and risk never moving up? I know how they feel about that, and it's not good. Or do I pack my bags and move to Colorado?

It's one of those days where the questions whirl about my brain, hoping that inspiration for my decision will show up. I know that I would be happy with the job duties, that is not a negative aspect in my decision making. But since I started there I have known that their promotions are flawed. No one should be forced to be promoted to face a smaller paycheck and less personal time, and no compensation.

For the rest of May I am running with never having 2 days off in a row. I am going to be one tired ass cookie by the end of the month. Wish me luck.

kel

What a Long Week..ARGH!!!

Yep, it seems I just got back from vacation and the plan must be to kick my ass back into the kind of exhaustion I was feeling before I left. I have one day off inside of a 9 day stretch. (Work decided to change my days off, and this is how it fell.) Oh, and of course my favorite apartment inspection is on my only day off! Yay!-- Banging on the door around 9am and ringing the bell. I think if they wake me my fangs will come out and be sharp and pointy. Murphy seems to be working overtime this week.. If you see him, please tell him to pick on someone else for a change.

In other news I shall be filing for bankruptcy fairly soon. Now I just need a day to get there, and it seems the next two weeks are already decided for me. The office is quite a distance away...but I will drive it to save some  money.( $30 in gas compared to $450) Once this has been taken care of it's just the taxman I have to finish paying off. Then..who knows? I might actually not be in debt any more. (or at least I sure as hell hope not to be)

I promise..when I am no longer under the gun...I am going to have a day to celebrate! It has taken a lot of frustrating days and mind numbing paperwork but the end is in sight at last. Umm..and I can promise you..if I cannot pay in cash I don't need it. I will never again have another credit card. Lesson learned the hard way. I know quite a few folks that decided years ago to get rid of them and they are better off for it.

How shall I celebrate? I'm thinking on it. No sense jumping the gun. I still have a bit more paperwork to do, and plenty of time to plan.

G'nite
k

Wondering which way to go

I'm in a quandary, and having self debates muttering to myself and all around feeling unsure. I returned from my vacation to be offered a full time supervisor position. Feel flattered? Yes, but right now I am the only one on the launch pad, sort of the spare part. Three fantastic supervisors are all thinking and leaning towards new jobs, and all on my shift. They far surpass me in experience, and I cannot imagine the shift without them.

It signifies something seriously wrong with the job when people leave in mass. I already know what the issues are and I suspect that nothing real will be done about it either. No offense to the great managers I work with, but I doubt that the person really responsible for discussions with the parent company will do anything about the situation. Why? He already has a comfortable knitch, and has a great salary, lots of time off, because he plays the corporate game. He manages to keep the salaries at a level where the parent company wants them. This is not cutting it for the current supervisors. They run their tails off, work days without additional pay, come in on their days off for classes (also not paid for) and the list keeps growing. They feel unappreciated and tired.

So where will I find myself  3 months from now? Also tired of being used and unappreciated? It's a very good possibility, and that is what concerns me. I knew that I wanted to move up eventually, I love my job. But I do not love it past the point that I no longer have a life beyond work. There has to be a balance, and people also have to feel that hard work is rewarded not ignored. I am sort of sickened sometimes that we have allowed corporations to rule us, and believe me they do. Give thanks for the bread crumbs and be quiet or move on.

If a company wants to be a great company to work for they have to recognize and reward the people that put them there. Otherwise it is an endless flushing of talent, train them, use them, replace them. It also seems a waste of money in the training, and I know that amount is significant. They would retain a lot of good people by simply paying them better than they do.

So...I am moving up, but I have to wonder if the East side is going to be worth the climb. Have I found my piece of the pie? Really, I am still not sure.

k