Merry Christmas and ghosts of Christmas past

Feeling sadly nostalgic and missing friends and family far away, some incredibly far, waiting in heaven for our next visit. Sort of makes you want to kick yourself for not really spending enough time with them before they left. We've lost 3 this past year. Why didn't I call or write more often?

We don't like to think in "what if's". Running around worried that you might not get another chance, and life is very busy, too much going on, gotta rush, see you later. We always plan on seeing them, and then it is unfortunately too late.

I think that the solution is to always tell someone how much they mean to you every chance you get. Don't wait, make it a habit, but a sincere one that will still find you sad that they are gone, but also leave you knowing that you told them how much they mean to you often.

Make time. There will always be something with work, or shopping, housework, etc. A phone call won't break the bank. Make plans. Our elders were always there for us, and always ready to listen or bend our ears.  Or you can make regret your byword.

There are things outside of our control, and it's frustrating. Unable to say goodbyes because of cost and distance, or illness. Or they knew but did not share how short their time was to spend with you. We cannot change these things. But we can..

   Say "I love you. I'm thinking about you. How have you been?  I miss you."


Merry Christmas to all I love in heaven and on earth.

Kel

Latest Update, after move to Ohio

I am alive and well in Ohio. Finally employed as of Nov.1. Hurt my back on Oct 3, and I am still recovering. Not having health insurance really sucks. I have no idea if there was serious damage done or not, but the recovery time is taking a lot longer than any previous back injury. (last one was when I was 35 yrs old, and it healed within a few days) Getting older bites, but it beats the alternative, that's for sure.

No medical insurance with the new job. El cheapo company with only 4 employees at my work site.

I'm appreciating the change in seasons, I missed that. The cold here is a lot damper than Colorado, and I am feeling the difference, just seems colder to me. Working the entire Thanksgiving weekend, Thurs-Sun. Nothing really new there, I've always had to work holidays before.

Looking forward to a paycheck this week, the cupboard is bare, seriously bare, as in cobwebs have moved in. I'm sure that the bank is thrilled with my low balance. In other news, my car was paid off this October, and I am finally free of car payments again.

Wishing everyone a wonderful holiday season! Spend if with your loved ones, whether they are family or good friends, and appreciate your time with them. A special thanks to P and W for taking me in and helping me start over once again. Prayers for those in my family that need some special assistance in regaining their health, my thoughts are always with you.

***Fell this Tuesday. Had to call 911 today because the pain was so bad I could not get out of bed,
Signed up for a very cheap insurance which will cover next to nothing. ER did nothing for me. Sad now.*****

Love,

Kel

Back across the Mississippi

For those watching for an update I am bound eastward, just not all the way to the east coast.

I have worked OT for the entire time I have worked here, with the objective of affording a move either into my own apartment here, or moving back home. Suffice it to say that making money to save it, and being applicable for low income housing are 2 separate things, an unpleasant Catch-22.

I frantically began a search for a place here when the wagon train eastbound denied me passage.
Not going any further with that. Words were said, and life here has not been good. I was pointed towards the Loveland Housing Authority. Again, I made $800-1000 too much, and the wait was 6 months to 2 years, not something that would help me in a hurry. I drove the rounds of apartments that
advertised tax credit or low income assistance. Everyone of them stated that I did not qualify, because I had worked OT.

So it seemed that Colorado had made my decision for me. I have two wonderful nieces who I love very much. When Michelle first offered her sofa in Virginia her older sister Paula also offered a place for me to get on my feet again. Virginia is far too expensive a place to afford rent, and find work, while indefinitely occupying her couch. Paula lives in Toledo, Ohio. The cost of living is lower, there is work to be had, and I am welcome, which is a good feeling after the past months here.

I will miss my friends that I have made in Colorado. They have been good shoulders to cry on, great minds that think alike, and much laughter was shared. They understand that there really ended up being no choice for me, but to go.

A fresh start, or once again into the great unknown..seems to be a pattern, but I hope that this time breaks the chain. I have lived in Ohio before as a teenager and liked it. Moving from Ohio to So.California was a rude awakening..like, gee, where are all the trees? Pavement and no groves of trees to be seen.

Well wish me luck, it's going to be a very busy next 2 weeks.
If you see a woman driving a U-Haul and towing a car, with an unhappy cat in the front seat, that just might be me.


Kel~*

Starting Over..again

I have to admit at this stage in my life I never imagined that I would still be searching for and hoping to find a new start. But it is what it is, and I will shortly be embarking on yet another new beginning.
I could use all the luck I can get and then some. I've tried to save enough to get by for a few months, but of course I worry that it won't be enough.

I have about 5-6 more weeks of Colorado and then I will be returning to whence I came from, the east coast. Am I looking to start over with my old life? No, and hell no. (I've been alone now for over 6 years, and those days are over and gone, so don't be paranoid, you are not all that, and you are welcome to continuing forgetting me, as I will continue regretting you.)

 I just hope that I can find a job that pays my bills, and a place that I can be comfortable in. I would prefer to not be near the I-95 corridor, but that is sadly where I will be parked and looking.

It's hard to look for an apply for work when you are 2500 miles away, employers sort of want to meet who they would be hiring.I have looked, and it seems like my choices are "eh" and not so "eh." Meaning no one is hiring at high enough of a salary that I can make it alone. But, I have not given up, and I might actually apply at something outside of my comfort zone, it couldn't hurt to try, just a few bruises on my ego.

So wish me luck. Colorado is a beautiful state but completely unaffordable for folks who are not making the big money. Besides, humidity is a good thing for older folks. Colorado sucks all the moisture out of you, lol. At least I know my hair and skin will be happy with the change. Sweating? Profusely? That will take some time to adjust to again.


~Kel

I'd place the Go fund Me here, but no one is interested in assisting-so..nevermind.

The Seventh Wave

  When I was young, and summer days were long and filled with children laughing, the summer
was a time filled with endless fun. No worries of world politics, no serious problems, just time spent with friends and with no homework. Responsibility, of course, was a course that my Mother taught, and did so quite well. After chores were finished we were free to roam the wilds of our long back yard, explore those things that dwelled in shallow creeks which broadened and became deeper as it's course fed into a large lake.

  There were wild expeditions of Cronauer children and other neighborhood kids that became a safari on country back roads, all pedaling madly down roads which seldom had other traffic. There were treks on railroad tracks which would lead us to discovering other parts of our small town. There were no adult thoughts of heat, humidity, bugs, we were children, and as adults we look back and wonder if the miserable hot and humid days of summer even existed back then, or was it magic?

  But the best part of summer? Yes, if we were lucky, was a family vacation.(something so elusive to the adults we now are, times were different back then.) We had week long camping trips which felt more like 3 weeks, hitting as many states as we could in that time. Exploring new places. Hearing scary noises at night which surely must have been a bear. Seeing caves, lakes, mountains (which had bears) and the driving from state to state. We were not entertained by technology back then. There were games which could be played to pass the time, license plates, VW bugs, animal, vegetable and mineral..what is bigger than a bread box or simply reading or playing quiet games alone.
There was also.."He's touching me!" "Get off my side of the seat!" "You are so gross!" coming from the back seat which held one girl and two boys, and of course that lucky one who was in the middle. Sometimes I would just leave the seat and settle over the hump on the floor just so I did not have to touch my brothers.

  The vacations were all fairly simple, as my parents were not wealthy, but my Mother was an expert at saving what she could, which is why we went. My fondest memories, and the ones that still held an olfactory and sound memory, were the trips to the sea shore. There is no other smell in the world that can hold up to a seaside town on the east coast. Sounds of  crying gulls, and crashing waves, The boardwalks held the smell of wood, tar and salt water. The smells of concession stands, with fries, caramel popcorn, funnel cakes and other tantalizing odors are a permanent part of my memories.

  But the sound of waves, endlessly rolling in to stretch out onto the sand in salty foam, are something that can never be duplicated. Carting all blankets, towels and equipment down to the sand. Running across that sand if it was too hot and straight into the wet sand being pulled by the waves. Getting settled, and sitting down to blow into our always deflating canvas rafts. Those rafts were absolutely the only way to ride the waves, and not have to touch your feet to an unknown ocean floor. Greasing up with Coppertone to prevent sunburn, and yet still getting burnt.

  Finally to grab your raft, race down to the surf where you stood letting the shallow waves roll over you, getting used to the cold water. feeling the strong pull of the undertow as the water was pulled back into the oncoming waves. Wading out, a little further, then further, until the water was almost chest high. Swinging yourself onto the raft, sometimes not so easy. Rolling over the smaller swells.
Then..in the distance..the seventh wave could be seen, a swell still, but larger than the others. Paddling, riding over the swells, aligning you and your raft until you were almost parallel with the wave. Broad strokes with your arms to climb to the almost top of the wave, but not over. You can feel it changing, starting to break, and then flying with the wave all the way to the shallows. Usually you would find yourself hundreds of yards beyond where you entered the water, and you would have to pull yourself and your raft back to the starting point. No sense in making Mom mad at you.

  As an adult I look back at those summer days and sometimes wish so hard that childhood could be repeated. Days of innocence; the summer off with only chores and summer camp to keep you from friends and fun, no adult worries.

  If you wonder what brought on this wave of nostalgia, it was a wave of a different sort. Colorado is perhaps the windiest place I have ever lived. Being near the base of the Front Range we get a great deal of high wind. Standing on the back porch you can hear it roaring, building and then crashing in to blow gale force through the trees and neighborhood. And yes, there is that one, that one which is bigger, stronger and louder..that seventh wave of air that sent me back to childhood memories.


Kelly's Go fund Me

Sleep is hard to come by

Getting a good nights sleep seems to be harder to get than ever, and I am not alone in this.
I've spoken with a more than a few people who cannot seem to either fall asleep, or stay asleep.
I'm wondering if it is 'Fear?'

Not that anyone claims to actively be worrying about King Trump (except me) but it has to be there, on a subconscious level. At the rate he is using his mighty pen to push his agenda it is scaring the chit out of me how much damage he is doing and will do. Everything some of us worked hard to save, like Standing Rock against the pipeline, he has just pushed aside giving the Oil company free rein to run through their lands. A woman's freedom to make her own decisions? Gone. Health care for those that have pre-existing conditions, especially those with young children with problems,..gone.

I think that those that thought of him as their great leader are going to feel his pinch too. He said what they wanted to hear. They ignored his track record of bankruptcies and shady deals. They ignored his treatment of women (and so many of those supporters were women, how dumb can you be?) and his making fun of the disabled, in a completely immature and bully like show. How he can disregard the millions of immigrants and their children born on U.S. soil. It was not so long ago that it was the Irish, the Asians, the Germans, the Italians, the Slav's and the Polish, .each new group entering the country was met with anger, so this is nothing new. However, we never considered shipping everyone back home before, because it makes no sense. These immigrants will someday be the ones who fear another's coming. Logistically it is impossible and too damn expensive to round everyone up and detain them waiting for expensive transport. Not to mention tearing families apart.

I feel that Trump's tremendous ego and temper are a huge downfall. How can you diplomatically work with the world without some finesse? Easy, because according to him he does not have to deal with them. Let the U.S. be isolationist. We don't need them. We will back out of everything that took years if not centuries to build. He cannot keep his fingers off the Twitter button, and that is a pure sign of immaturity..having to have the last word because someone was mean to him.

So yes, I do have trouble sleeping. I am afraid to wake up to what he plans to destroy tomorrow.

Kel

Still trying to find a way to afford a move. If you can share, thank you. If you are in my boat, I understand.

Kel's Go Fund me page