Where is Normalcy?

I feel I have paid my dues to the Illness fund. This is the time of year that I normally have a huge amount of energy and I am missing it. I sleep a lot, and I am eating fairly normally, though I still have to be careful not to irritate the belly. But I am so easily tuckered out, and it is frustrating me, not to mention worrying me about the speed required at work. There really is no such thing as light duty at my job. I also worrying what people will think about me being out this long. I know, not much I can do about it except hope that they never have to experience what I have just been through.

Now that I am not unconscious or running constantly for the bathroom it gives me a lot of time to think...not all of it good.

k

A first and hopefully a last

Last Wednesday was the beginning of my own personal hell. They say now that it was Salmonella poisoning, and I am not absolutely sure where I picked it up. I was deathly ill, at home and alone for 2 and 1/2 days, believing that whatever I had would be over with in 24-48 hours. My temperature was spiking to over 103 and nothing stayed in, nothing. I tried in bouts of consciousness to take in fluids, but they were leaving me in larger amounts then I was getting in. I slept, I got sick..then midday on Friday I started to worry that it was not going away, and tried asking a friend for a ride to the ER. I don't think I will ever understand why she laughed at me and did not reply. I crashed for another 2 hours and tried again, no answer.

Why did I not call 911? Because of bills from last year, the ones the insurance company did not pay much of. Instead I dangerously went to my car and drove myself, praying all the way I would not get sick in the car, and that the other drivers would not do their usual acts of idiocy on the roads.  Someone turned in front of me not a block from the apartment. Still I made it to the ER, went in and tried to explain why I was there.  First question: where is the nearest bathroom? In short order I was in a cubicle and they attempted to get a vein for IV fluids. Nothing. I was so dehydrated that the holes left by the needles did not bleed. My usually good veins were hiding. Blood was taken, specimens obtained ( and they finally got the hint I needed a potty by the bed. My white count was 50 in a place there should have been none. Admitted, diagnosis: Infectious diarrhea, unknown cause at the time. Despite being their I continued to be miserable, I could barely take in the clear liquids. Since last Wednesday I have lost 14 lbs.

I was there till Monday late afternoon when I was sent home with strict diet instructions and forcing fluids.
The diarrhea is still with me, just not in the mass volume that it had been for 5 days. My belly cramps easily, and my energy levels are very low. When the cramping starts I have little time to get to a toilet. Simple chores wear me out. The hospital doctor, Tim Divine, was pretty cool, explaining on Monday that the cultures had grown to show it had been food poisoning. He also said if I had not come in when I did I would have died. I was in Renal failure on Friday. No return to work until after Oct 1, and I have an appointment with my own physician in the afternoon.

I am stressing missing this much time from work, not only for my job security, but my paychecks, and my ability to actually handle a full shift. I have paperwork for FMLA that needs to be completed and back to Unum asap. Without it I am without of a job. Black out days and 8 days called out, I am past any sort of safety margin. I wish it had been just a 24 hour bug, I think my body could have handled that with a day or so to bounce back. This was and continues to be a struggle to come back from.

I've never had anything like this happen to me in my life, and pray to God that I never have to go through it ever again.

My dreams from 2 weeks ago of time off this fall and winter have been wiped away. I just wish and want to feel normal again.

Not ready for prime time yet,
k

clear liquids and Cooties with a Capital C

Neither Party Will Do

We all have our very own set of personal beliefs. Some of us, myself included, can be quite vocal and passionate about the issues that mean the most to us. I generally do not try to force my own beliefs on others, but right now I am standing on the side lines of "Republican/Democrat" postings and wondering "what the hell?" Do you actually think that there is a difference?

We are daily bombarded by the media with stories that are written to incite small blazes of that passion within our hearts. I get quite a bit of my news on line, and sometimes what they feel is news worthy can make my head spin and my horns pop out. They put just enough of the conflicting bullshit up to make sure that there is something for everyone to get their rants on.

Today's article that caught my eye was about how the tax cuts for the very wealthy have not been proven in over 65 years to do anything to spur our economy. Those cuts are just a bullshit way of making sure those in the upper 1% hold onto their cash while the gap widens for the 99% who have not.  I bet that story disappears quickly. I tried to share it on Facebook and it did not take. Tried to reload it and the link was busted. But I am going to try and share it here. It was not written to inflame, almost dispassionate,  but it did so just the same. In the same block of stories they presented a picture of some of the most wealthy people in America. ( Gates, Oprah, Buffett)  A few of those people I admire. Why? Because they DO believe that the wealthy have a greater responsibility to the economy and that they should have fair taxes, we all should.

So..if there is NO substantial truth in that tax cuts for the wealthy help the rest of us..then why is it continued?
That 1 % Club makes sure that it does, with campaign contributions, and the 'Ol' "You scratch my back, and I will scratch yours" mentality that is firmly embedded in our government.  Ever wonder just how many Wallstreet CEO's have their patting hands connected to members of Congress, The House of  Representatives and Presidents? Way too many, some of them close Presidential advisers, especially during the Bush years, father and son, and I do not doubt that they are also standing behind Obama and whispering in his ear as well.

I used to believe that I was a Democrat who came from a Republican home. Now I have found that am not for either party. Neither of them in reality cares about the best interests of the American people. That only shows up when they want to be re-elected.  I have never been a fan of liars.


K

Tax Cuts for the Rich Don't Spur Growth

A little step into Fall

Ugh. I am not crazy about it, but it compels me...fall cleaning. Who invented this? Today I tackled windows and curtains..and yes, they needed it. It felt like a day filled with laundry.

The windows were not open as much as I would have preferred this past summer. I flushed what seemed like enough soil to plant a garden off of my window sills today. Being on a lower level then I am used to means that dust and dirt from the wind and from mowing moved into and settled onto my window sills.
If I want the clean and clear breezes of Autumn without the extras, it meant dousing the sills. The curtains and I traveled to a local laundromat to spend a small fortune washing. (at least it was faster and more thorough than the facilities on the premises.)  You can bet..when I move from here into a house..I will do everything in my power to ensure that the laundry machines are in the house. I don't know how, but they will be.
I made a mistake in not doing all of the laundry at the local mat. I waited (due to cost) to do the regular clothes at home..then spent the evening cursing out the twit who never emptied their dryers. I did 3 drys in one machine,because the other machines sat with clothes in them.

Dust and Vac tomorrow. I did also do some work on the stove today. I don't cook near as often as I used to in my previous life, but you would not know it by how often the stove needs tidying. Maybe it's the small size of the place, but grime is more obvious to me.

My fall plants are doing well, I have had several compliments from neighbors. How quickly this year has come and gone. You better believe it, time does seems to go faster as the years float by. Summers used to last forever when I was a child. The clock moves forward faster these days.

I am hoping to spend some time with family this coming holiday season. Lol..it seems like yesterday that Thanksgiving was spent alone and Christmas was spent at work. Does anyone know a way to slow this train down?

~k

The Latest and a bit more

Updating anyone interested in what is going on at work, and small bit about my current situation.

Next up at the casino for a concert event? Finally one for the country fans...Keith Anderson. He will be performing on Friday, October 12th., most likely around 9pm. We also have 2 big race days approaching, "The Race for the Ribbon" to aid the battle against breast cancer on  Saturday September 22nd., and the West Virginia  Classic on Saturday October 22nd.

These of course promise to be very busy nights. For the past two weeks I have been an acting supervisor every day I have worked due to vacations and folks out sick. I am still enjoying it, but they did kick my butt tonight, the calls for medicals seemed non-stop.

As for my eventual transition into a full time supervisor? It's coming. I am in no serious rush. There are other changes that need to occur before I can be permanently in that spot. When the call comes I will be ready.

 For those that doubted me, poo on you. I have welcomed the challenge, and I am still learning. For the most part  this is the one job I have ever had that has not caused me to moan about it being the same old routine. I seem to be thriving according to upper management, they are happy with my work. I have to admit I was never that ambitious before, and I made choices to preserve family health over job growth. Now that I have only myself I am welcoming the challenges presented before me without worrying what was happening when I was not home.

No one should have to live with that kind of worry. It was very pain filled., an endless cycle and I am so glad to be free of it. I had wanted so badly to be able to trust the forever untrustworthy. It was never going to happen.

I have been very fortunate to have been able to win battles these past years. Some of which I had never thought I could win. I am stronger, and a great deal more confident about myself than I have ever been before.  Yes..I AM an optimist. I've done it alone and I am justifiably proud of myself for doing so. If I had taken the time to find this part of me before those lost years it is very likely they would not have happened. Maybe a couple of dates, a sad realization, then I would have moved on.  As of right now the person I trust the most is myself. And I know that the 'me' of today would not have tolerated any of what went on under an untruthful roof. I certainly deserve better than that and I continue to move forward to finding it.

If it does mean being alone? Oh well..I am ok with that too. I am quite capable of having fun without a man around. Most of them seem forever guided by their little brains.

~k

You Tube Hacker

Someone with computer talent has hit You tube, and in their own way spread the wealth. The re-direct moves clicks from You Tube to here, and other web sites. Though I appreciate the hits, I am sure those that clicked had no idea how they got here, Welcome visitors on your uninitiated browser flight.  Not sure if here is where you intended to be,....but you are welcome.

In Memory..9-11

Since this is 9-11, I want to share my prayers and acknowledge the sacrifice made by thousands of Americans during that day. On that particular day I was at work in a small office with no radio or TV. My first inkling that something was terribly wrong was when I was trying to contact outside insurance agencies and getting that strange recording " T-" and a number that slips my memory. I called the hospital switchboard and Miss Mary the operator told me what had happened. I left the office and walked over to the emergency room. The sky was perfect, clear, sunny and surreal. It was so quiet, almost muffled...people were walking around stunned trying to get a loved one on their phones. I saw on TV how they replayed the attacks over and over. I heard the fear in the voices around me..." Andrews Air force base..just up the road.." " PAX River Naval base..just down the road.."" Calvert Cliff's Nuclear facility..10 miles away.." We all had someone that seemed in the path of danger, including me...at the Pentagon. 

We still struggle with the memory of that day. One that stuck with me was a news crew over in the Middle East that filmed a town that was in celebration of the tragedy we had experienced. It struck me then, and stays with me now that there are people who hate us.  The average American spends little time pondering world politics, never acknowledging that we have created enemies by our presence in their lives. Since I do not live with hate in my heart it is hard to understand that there are many who devote their lives to it. 

~k

A day off

I'm thoroughly enjoying the cooler and less humid weather that we have been graced with the last
several days. Not kidding myself, I know that the too warm and sticky shall likely return a few times before October, but wow! What a reprieve.

Monday was spent as usual doing laundry because I never know if I will be called in for coverage and I don't want to go in naked..eww...for everyone, lol. The Ciggy shack was rolling for the moment and I beat it down there to save some money and my poor left hand. Rolling does save, but it is a major time consumer and my free time the last few weeks has been almost nonexistent. I came home and in between loads I tackled my front porch preparing for fall. That means that Seymour, the giant cherry tomato plant, said his sad farewells.
After all the knocking over due to storms, and the constant need to water, I must admit he did produce some very tasty tomatoes, some of which I still have in the frig. (my front porch seems about twice the size without him though.)

I'm feeling particularly lazy today, but I know that eventually I will be up and cleaning, I'm just dawdling before the energy kicks in. I'm very ready for fall, but that will include some damn fall housekeeping, and it cannot be put off unless I want to fret each and every day. All the curtains need cleaning, and the windows.
(SOMEBODY'S nose prints get wiped off and seem to mysteriously come back overnight..hmmm..wonder who that could be..umm..Gilly??) I'd love to rent a carpet cleaner too, I have been here over a year and a half with only spot work done.

This will likely be the last fall I spend in this apartment. Mel and I will be searching for a bigger place that will accommodate 2 cats and 2 people in early 2013. After the first month or two of feeling lonely I now really enjoy coming home to my sanctuary. But it will be a lot of fun to share a home with Melinda and Jasper, Gilly and I are ready.

The holidays are fast approaching..I know my new schedule will have me at work on Thanksgiving so the doldrums of eating alone again are not a worry. Christmas? If I keep this schedule I shall be off. I might be able to afford a few gifts this year, and I am willing to travel to visit family. Lord knows there is not enough room here to host much of a gathering. Next year? Hell yeah....family holidays will be back!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am posting a second blog today...in memory of 9-11.

k

My Impersonation of a French man

Well...I am "attempting" to impersonate Patrick, but he has large shoes to fill. He has, after 2 years or longer, finally taken some time off, though I dare say he has not stopped actually working someplace. I am working his schedule at the casino this week, which means I am impersonating that maddening french man only on his job as a supervisor. I have come to realize why he has such a hard time keeping weight on, it feels like nonstop running for 8 hours. Seriously, it is not that much of a change from being a Dual rate like myself except that he arrives earlier and leave earlier than I normally do.

I have passed on any further impersonation, there are places I will not go, lol. Patrick can be a huge flirt, and I know he has a wonderful time doing so, but...that is..er..not me. ( at least not with members of my own sex) From speaking with him I know that he has a heart of gold despite having  a "James Bond" like attraction with most women.( I think it is the accent)  I also know that he has lived a varied and quite interesting life.

I am enjoying the shift though, getting home earlier has its perks. I just have to get my ass in bed at a good time, and frankly, those who know me know that I am a serious night owl. So last night I took a Melatonin to help me sleep. (natural herb supplement, not a narcotic) I have the wackiest dreams when I take it though, better than some books and movies that I have watched. They are so long and involved I only remember vague details, or I would share some with you. Lets just say it is never a boring dream.

Wondering where my dreams will take me tonight...wishing everyone well.

k 

Zoom Zoom!

I'm back in wheels, grateful that I was able to get into another Mazda. You cannot beat the car for fun and economy..27/40 mpg...6 speed. The folks at Winchester (Virginia) Mazda were outstanding and helpful, even with my sad credit story. Lol..I got a $500 customer loyalty discount, and a payment I can afford.
I hugged the sales associate for taking the stress and worry about getting a car out of my life.

Other than the few hospital bills to be forwarded, this sad little episode in my life is almost over. I got teary saying goodbye to my old beat up car this afternoon, Joker served me very well for 5 years, reliable and fun. I was still fuming when I hit Inwood and the Statefarm office for my check. Top that with Enterprise saying I had one day to find a car...but again...my agent Dave picked up the phone and gave me another week. That it turned out that I did not need to was amazing and not expected.

Thanks to my friends for helping me through this, and thanks to God for watching out for me that night. The car took most of the damage, and I am very lucky in that respect.

hugs,
k

ZOOM-ZOOM :-)

*my future front plate!

Lost: One butt. If found please return

Yep, my butt was kicked so much this weekend it ran away and cannot be found. Seriously damn busy, everyone was. The week ahead? The forecast calls for....Hurry up! Find a car! Get to meeting! Wait...you thought you were going to rest at some point????

HAHAHAHAH!

Ugh..
k

Argh!!!

Majorly STRESSED OUT!
Not enough time to do what I need to do,
working on a day off I need to car shop..agreed before accident.
(wishing for a clone.)
(or a cape and a leotard outfit, including super powers)
Or a sugar daddy....
since none of that will happen...er..well, not likely to happen,
guess I will have to deal.

Beware of curses randomly spewed ....
I have little control over my temper right now.
I dare you to say that you would not be cussing too.


Double dog dare you!!!
k