Getting There

Between work and packing I have been a busy girl. Not only has the year flown by, but especially this last chapter in West Virginia. In three more weeks I will bid farewell to my current job at the casino, and Hello! to what the future holds for me. I have received quite a few responses to my resume, though nothing has tripped my trigger yet. I know that there is a possible temp job lined up, but these days I need full time to get health insurance. I should be ok for a few months though.

I'm looking forward to learning a new city and state. Lots to explore out there in Colorado. Though many have said "what about the weather?" My reply is to wait 24 hours, it will change again. Likely no more snowy then we had last year here in the east.

Packing..Lord..spare me...not my favorite thing. Unpacking..different story..it feels like Christmas opening a box and finding an old memory waiting to be placed in it's new home. Even though I have gotten a lot done, there is much more to do. The kitchen and storage will be my biggest battles..that and running out of space for the boxes in this little place.

So the clock is ticking..and seems to be moving faster than normal. I will have at least 5 days after my last day at work to finish things off. I am hoping that only the vacuum will be needed on the last day and that I can blast off for the first leg of my adventure. My co-pilot? A sedated cat..he is way too high strung to face the journey without drugs. It will be a huge transition for him..car trip for 4-5 days and then dogs to deal with in the new home. I can only hope and wait to see him accepting instead of perpetually freaking out because of the canines. The cat (Sam) I know that Gilly can adjust to after a few days. Dogs..he has never dealt with ever before.

~K

I know how ..Robin Williams felt

Robin Williams...we shared a common last name..and much more. I am not lying when I say that I can relate to and understand where he was when he made his final decision. It is a very dark place...where hope is not to be found. If not for the grace of God, a dear friend, and my Father, I might have met his fate long before he reached his.

Nobody can really know the depths that Depression can take you. Everything closes in and there is no light to lead you back. I confess to not having the same drug abuse problems but I can attest that Depression is very real.

There seems to be little hope. You feel that all efforts are for naught. The tears and the pain suck you in to an abyss that has no bottom,  constantly falling. Darkness..fear...self doubt..twist you into a lost knot.

I confess that I had saviors. A kindly psychologist with a Howdy Doody smile; an ambulance crew who did everything they could and succeeded..an ICU that kept me alive...a friend that stood steadfast at my side, always there when I needed her, and a parent who forgave and gave of himself to keep me on the right path.
Without these people I would not be here today.

I will never be able to say how much everyone of them meant to me. For the most part I have no connection to thank them. Those that are still close today know their value in the part they paid in my recovery and survival., and they continue to be closest to my heart.

My deepest regret for Robin is that he did not reach out for help. There is always someone who can give you a good reason to keep breathing. Sometimes it's a total stranger, sometimes it is someone you hold dear. But they cannot hear if you do not ask.

He was a true human. He gave from his heart. His caring and empathy showed in everything he did. The world will be less without him, but I am very grateful for what he did share with us. I hope that his final adventure (death) leads him to a paradise where there is no more pain..just love and laughter.

~k