Caretakers

I know I have talked about my live in companion before. His name is Gilligan. And odd name you say? Well for my generation who grew up with Gilligan's Island, perhaps it's not. He is my little buddy, as the Skipper would have said.

In cat years Gilligan is approximately the same age as I am, early 50's. He is steadily affectionate, though he has his moments of nipping. I am not sure what that means to a cat, but I think that he believes in some way that I am his feline mother. Since cats communicate so differently from us, posture, body language, the look in their eyes, the swish of a tail...you have to be able to read them.

Gilligan does not 'nip' out of meanness. It is his way of talking. Either it means "Back off, you've crossed the line" or it means some totally cat. He listens and obeys as well as any pup, though he would be insulted if I shared that with him. He plays fetch, sometimes with straws carried just like a dog would carry a stick. He misses me when I am away, and I get the full share of his happiness and disapproval that I was gone.

How anyone can dislike cats? It just means to me that they have not lived with one and cared for them. They love, they miss, they mourn, and they are happy as much as any person or dog would. They just express it differently than a human or a dog.

I have come to believe that all animals feel love, grieve and share  happiness. I have seen enough proof in watching elephants, otters, lions, birds...to believe that humans do not have the exclusive on feeling. It is arrogant to the extreme that we can believe that we are better than all the other animals on this planet because we have a bigger brain.

That does not mean that animals are less. What they feel is pure because there is not greater thought behind, or reasoning. It is simply feeling. And if they can love, grieve and remember, that means that they have just as much right to life and the right to live as we do.

Society as as whole, decided years ago that animals are simply property. That they have no feelings, no fear, no grief. That is a lie that must be corrected. We have no right to use them for experimental purposes. If we would not do it to a human, then we should not do it to them.

They are hunted as a prize or a trophy. You just killed someone's mother. Just because they can not stand up and scream "You killed my mother!" Does not mean that they do not feel their loss, or anger at their death.
It is horribly egotistical of humans to place ourselves above another species because we can walk on two leg, converse and destroy with impunity.

We are failing to follow God's purpose on this planet, mostly out of greed and the need to place ourselves as the most powerful species on the earth. We are no more worthy of God's love then the other creatures who share this world with us. Otherwise..why would God have tasked Noah to take 2 of each animal aboard the ark? He wanted to preserve them as well.

It is only man who decided that we were better than,. It is only man who hunts for sport . It is only man who places himself at the top of the food chain. Animals don't care about power over another species..only man does.

We, who have the greatest responsibility to preserve all of God's creatures, have failed in so many ways.
It was entrusted to us to preserve and protect. Instead it is abuse and slavery that we have succeeded in.
This has to change, or we have failed as the protectors of God's children. Why? Because we are NOT his only children.

If they could speak for themselves they would,. It is up to us, the caretakers, to preserve their right to live, and respect them as fellow children of God.
Believe and love. Believe and share. Believe and protect.

K

Signs of my times-Fluff heads

I have always enjoyed my own company, and I believe the ability to be happy alone has a lot to do with how I grew up. I was the oldest, the only girl, and we moved a great deal in my growing years. Maybe not as much as some military brats might have, but it was an average of every two years from the time I was about 8.

I got used to making friends, and yes, as a preteen and teenager there were rocky years and some tears leaving those friends behind. A few I stayed in contact with for a while, pen pals and summer time visits. But generally speaking I got used to starting over, and lost the fear of time spent alone. At 13, of course, it was all angst, "woe is me" and sad poetry. But by the time I was 16 and we made our last move to California I was a great deal stronger than an average 16 year old would be entering her senior year at High School. I was an independent thinker and I liked that about myself.

Did I need someone making me feel bad for working to earn money for college? Umm, no. So when friends (said with a raised eyebrow) made remarks about me never being able to drop everything and go with them it was pretty much " Sorry, I'm working." And inside I was thinking "what friend makes you feel bad for something you have to do?" Yeah, I analyzed how I was treated.

It's not to say that I did not make my fair share of mistakes, but the friendships that did blossom lasted a long time, some are still with me. The thing was I was not dependent on someone else to make my day. (relationships..that's a whole other can of icky worms and Not included in this subject.) So many people I meet these days are constantly connected to someone else. I wonder if they know how to disconnect? How can they get through a day without telling somebody something trivial, sharing every emotion and living like lemmings/leaches dependent on others?

I feel like yelling sometimes.."Disconnect and find yourself!!" "You are melting into the mass hypnosis glop of too much technology!" "Read a DAMN book and learn something important!" Fluff filled heads. There is nothing fascinating about who did what, who they talked to, what they wore, what celebrity wore a bad bathing suit to the beach, and who has cellulite. It sickens me that a large part of kids these days think that stuff is news.

It's getting harder to find real news online when much is celebrity bullshit, tid bits on who is buying or wearing what, etc. When I find an article on an underwater discovery or some other science fact I latch on like it was gold. Even what they are passing as news is really just another way to make your feel that you want something, or need to have it...or YOU are missing out.

Because we have accepted the fluff without protest it has taken over our lives. The Media feeds us the  political agenda of whichever corporation controls that channel. Very few ever delve into finding the real truth and are satisfied with someone else's false take on the news. Anything that is truly newsworthy but fails to fit the agenda is Not covered.

So to those who are just starting out in their adult lives..please take time off everyday to THINK. Turn off the fluff and ask questions. Read a book. Venture into a subject that has worth and learn more.
We are becoming a mass of technology controlled sheep. If anyone does question with facts lined up they are dissed as a conspiracy theorist or just a nut.. Not everyone who searches for the truth is crazy.

If you find yourself after unplugging and thinking, your will appreciate real friendships and good conversation, and real issues a great deal more than f-l-u-f-f. A whole new you, independent of the plug . Someone who might have something truly important to share with the world.

G'nite, K

A new world

Trees as far as the eyes can see.  A night sky not yet obscured  by city lights; stars that you feel that you can reach out and touch.  Water flowing in streams and falls; lakes yet unpolluted by industrialization.  Wild life abundant and untouched. These were the Americas that the age of modern man had not touched.

What would it feel like to be in a world not yet changed because of man? To soak in the beauty and breathe in the wonder? To take the first steps into a virgin forest, and be a part of that land?  Joy. Pure and simple joy. To feel part of what God made, and live a life that did not change what was already there.

The excitement of discovery. To walk where no man had walked before. To stay and be a part of that dream. The smell of clean earth, the taste of fresh herbs, the glory of being new.

200 years. Just 2oo years that  wiped away the fresh newness. That welcomed industrialization, that polluted what was new and untouched. The people native to this land respected the gift that was given. The people that conquered and dominated had no respect, just forward moving to what they considered progress.

How many, I wonder, wish they could turn back the years and see that virgin forest? Could see a sky not polluted by automobiles and industry? Could learn to live in peace with nature and rejoice in the beauty that surrounds them?

If Icould turn back time, it would be to that place. Not to a person, not to a moment, but to then...the beginning. And strive with all my heart to leave it untouched.

k

The Waiting Game

Normally I am a fairly patient person.(in most respects)  But I must admit that the waiting this time for answers is manifesting as stress, and stress, ( lovely silent migraine maker) likes to play games with your mind and your body. This I know from ignoring stress levels at other times in my life. One year belly, next year headaches, then heart palpitations, etc. This year it has decided to give be jaw aches, which is funny because if you know me you know I cannot grind my teeth.

I thought it might be a bad tooth but the soreness is further back on my jaw line and it is also sore to the touch. So I of course mulled it over in my head for a few days until I realized that it was once again stress.
Really, I have to find an outlet since I seem to be predisposed to stress materializing in it's various forms.

The cause of all this bullshit? Waiting for State Farm to make a decision regarding to pay or not pay for my most recent money sucking medical bills. The injury became obvious after the accident and my quick trip to the ER last August. It did not jump out and say "Ow!" the night the accident occurred, but instead over the months following it grew to be noticeable. Namely compressed nerves in my neck, but also disc bulging in my back. The MRI showed normal aging signs as well, and I do not expect them to pay for that. However the compressed nerves in my neck? Yes because they won't ever go away according to my neurologist. He freaked me out saying that forced movement of my cervical spine or surgery could actually cause paralysis.
So yeah..I'm playing the waiting game.

It's a damn good thing I don't bite my nails because I would have none left. I just want an answer.

Not grinding my teeth...grrr..
K  

9-23-2013
PS: The jaw ache was the harbinger of the flu. It knocked me out for almost a week. Still rubbish from State Farm. One claim (mine) stating they are waiting for the doctor's note that clearly states the compressed nerves and bulging discs are from the accident, The other (claimant) sharing that they will only pay the medical bills. I see an attorney tomorrow.

Dreams of vacations

**This is for you Mel**

   I can still hear the gulls and other seabirds chattering and cawing by the shore. I can still feel the warm silk of sand between my toes as it slides with each step taken. I can still smell that 'beach' smell of salt mixed with seaweed and suntan lotion. I can still feel the breeze play with my hair as I turn over to get deeper into the book I am reading. I can still feel the pull of the ocean as I step into the waves and the sands pulls back out to sea creating a hole where I stand with the water receding. Sigh...

   It's hard when you hear others talk about going on their vacations or talking about them when they return with a glowing face from the sunshine. I miss those years when vacations were easier to afford and not so very rare. I try not to be jealous since it is such a negative emotion and gets you no where really. But I certainly can and do dream about having one again someday. The lack of money does not kill dreams, it just makes them more precious.

  I do have hope for the future. Despite the odds that face me financially I have not given up.  Who cares if it is considered unrealistic?? My mind is a garden path that wanders where it might and does not care if there is a 'real possibility.' The ground is packed and firm from my frequent steps wandering around the grounds. I pass the flowers and enter the trees searching for a new direction to dream.

That is my foray into dreamland, and I know the way quite well.


K

Hot Weekend

(wondering how many search engines will hit this because of the word "hot? Over sexed people are just so sad. :-( .)

No really, a very hot and steamy weekend for me. The next 3 days are supposed to climb into the 90's, and we have been in the jungle humidity for a while now. Somehow I feel like this is a reverse repeat of the winter months, tucked into the apartment because it's either way too cold, or way too hot to be outside.
 I have to wonder how our grandparents did this without air conditioning, and I melt at the thought.

In other mundane and trifling news, I am patiently waiting for my few tomatoes to start turning red. The plant was designed to be for a container, so it is small and not the monster of previous years. Waiting is not something I excel at, so I might just hit up the local vegetable stand to see if they have any ripe tomatoes for me to salivate over.

I shall have to step forth into the steam bath to get my laundry done...UGH. I swear the next place I settle myself will have a washer and a dryer in the house. No cool basement here..just lugging the basket through purgatory.

The Gilly is stretched out on my side of the bed taking nap number 3. I swear sometimes he pesters me to get up just to get my spot. Happy cat because I am off today, but still a lonely boy during the work week. I keep telling him it won't be forever, but not sure if he believes me anymore. He is a wonderful furry room mate and friend, just wish he knew how to set up the coffee, lol.

That's all for now. Shake ups at work have little to do with me. They are trimming costs, halting hiring, and not filling positions in my department. The salaried supervisor position is only open for Grave shift, and I found out that shift was not conducive to a happy me when I worked it last year. I liked the people but hated the lifestyle it forced me into. I've been waiting a while for the magic move, but it looks like I will be waiting longer. No biggie, over time is not paid to salaried employees, it can be a real drag for them when they have to work on their days off.

Doc appointment tomorrow, hopefully last one so I can forward all this paperwork into the insurance company and wait for their answer.

Have a hot one...lol
K

Back to Normal

Well, maybe back to as normal as my life gets anyway. Between work and class this woman has been running ragged for several months. My hours at work had been cut to save the company a few bucks, so I picked up overtime when I could. Not only were there less hours, but there were also unfortunately timed reasons for pay being sucked out of my checks, which made for some hair pulling moments when I saw just how much had been taken from my check.

Every year at this time we have to "P-A-Y" for the privilege of working at the casino. Yes, you read that right, we have to pay for a  lottery license out of our checks so we can work there,. (there is also a a $20 racing licence once a year.) The license costs $100,(which is equivalent to 2+ days of work before taxes.).  I've never worked anywhere where the employees are responsible for paying for their own licensing. I could see it it we were independently employed,  but we are not, we work for a very large and wealthy corporation.

The next check sucker was a loan I was forced to take on my 401K to pay for last Septembers medical bill to the local hospital. I had no other choice, and preferred to not have my pay garnished again. It is way to hard to keep my chin above the rising tide of bills when something comes along that won't take your tiny payments without taking you to court. At least I am in a sense paying myself back with the money.

And finally, I have reached the required payback to the State of West Virginia after almost 2 years of garnishment. Will they stop sucking the money out of my check now? Despite phone calls I kind of expect them to say "whoops! We are not sending that fax to stop, lets take some more!"  Funny...I just registered my car yesterday for 2014. In order to do that here you have to bring proof that you have paid your Personal Property taxes. When I arrived home, there in my mailbox was a questionnaire from the tax assessors office asking me if I had anything else that I SHOULD be paying on. I have to tell you what my take is on West Virginia tax departments ..."little Ebenizer Scrooges scrunching their numbers and picking up voo-doo dolls and searching their pockets for change." I have never felt as hunted as I do in this state. They tax us to the limit on food, gasoline and cigarettes, then Personal property taxes (which I have to pay for Jefferson county, and again for living in Charles Town) and then State taxes.  Oh..if by some strange stroke of luck you get a Federal refund, they want that too.

And lastly, good new,  I get my Tuesdays back since my class in Aspiring Leaders is over, graduation was held today. It was nice getting to know a few of the folks in other departments that shared the class with me. We painfully graduated with a 1-2 minute  presentation a piece as the entertainment. I did ok, I know I could have done better, but my entire weekend was spent racing around the clock to run the casino and handle the huge 'Price is Right' show that was held Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Everybody in Security had mandatory over time. So I am running pretty dang tired for having no real down time for at least 4 weeks. I'm looking forward to my life returning to as normal as it gets.

I know I am jumping from subject to subject, must be that I am running on fragmented thoughts today, way over tired. Yesterday (yes, I was off..but was I really?) I spent the morning having needles stuck into my body with electrical shocks at the Neurologists office. Officially I have some (normal for my age) degenerative  disc disease in my back. I also have 3 bulging discs likely related to the August 2012 car accident, and compressed nerves in my right arm and left leg. When they say that getting older is not for sissy's they really meant it. After the session of med-evil torture I went for torture of a different sort at the local DMV, followed by an afternoon of trying to catch up on laundry. I was so tired I knocked 3 glasses and a coffee mug into the sink while unloading the dish washer. Dang..I did not have enough ummph to even curse properly at that.

So according to the doctor my future appointments will be with a Physical Therapist and a Pain Management clinic. This is depending on the cost, unless the stupid Claims Adjuster at State Farm ever gets the answers they want for a settlement. If they do then the appointments will be kept without a problem.

 As I hauled the clothes back and forth to the laundry room yesterday I kept thinking that it was so beautiful; warm not hot, soft breezes...I could not stop myself from thinking what a perfect beach day it would have been... Warm sand, the sound of the sea, a good book, and bone melting relaxation. I miss that...vacations...well, what they used to be in my long ago past.

Thus ends the novel for today. I hope that everyone is doing well and feeling happy,
K