Yeah..Summer..

I think I would be a bit more enthusiastic about summer if there was any recreation included for me.
I work in polyester in 90+ degrees, and frankly after almost 8 years doing so as a security officer
you think I would be used to it..Not.

So I keep busy and I sweat..well as Grand Mom always said "Horses sweat, Ladies perspire."
Hinting that there must be some sensual glow instead of streams of sweat dripping down my face and neck. It makes no difference to my hair these days which is truly salt and pepper, I have not colored it for years now. Grew it long, chopped it, and it's getting longer again..why? Yes, you know..haircuts cost money. Professional coloring costs money not just once, but to keep it up I will truly need a rich benefactor. So, I am natural, though not by choice.

The gardens are in, still adding some here and there. Over 20 bush beans planted. There are 4 tomatoes, however 2 are not going so well, not sure why they thrived there last year. I have 3 pepper plants doing nicely and 3 small ones started from seed which are coming along.Herbs: Rosemary, Sage, Thyme, Basil, Dill, Parsley, Marjoram, all doing well, though the Dill had to be replaced, did that today. I had tried to start from seed and that was precarious. Why? Because the starter sat on my only window facing east which both cats like to sit in. I think the plants needed more time, and were not hardy enough to go in the ground, though the peppers and basil are hanging in there. That is the first box and the half moon rock garden.

The middle box was mostly my father's choices. He choose Pumpkin. Canteloup, Egg Plant, and Cucumber. I have added Yellow Squash and a Zucchini. The Egg Plant is not doing so well, another one failing for an unknown reason. Dad is trying a new thing this year because the weeds got so out of hand last year I had no time to anything else in the yard but weed. Ground paper rolled with mulch over top. My only regret is that he got started before I could properly prepare the middle box. It really needed some Ummph, the soil was not as good as the first box. Crossing fingers.

The 3rd box is planted with flowers, though not too many so far. Two purple salvias 2 rose bushes from previous year, 2 Daisies and 2 Geraniums. I snuck 3 of my seed broccoli in there, but I fear it is far too hot this summer for they to do well. We have 3-4 weeks of straight 90's aligned for us. UGH.
Seems like there might be a few 80 degree days..in July of all things. Nevermind, I will be grateful.

So it is work, with as much over time as I can handle to pay for things that the budget does not allow for..like vehicle registration, oil change, tire rotation, replace my cell phone that died, and eye surgery. Yep, my Glaucoma has come back in my left eye. It was soooo much fun the first time needle, lasers and bears..oh my. The rest of my days are work at home. No swimming pools, no parties, no movies..not even a new damn book.

So if I seem a little cranky? There are 4 dogs that are constantly running up and down the stairs barking frantically at the top of their volume..24/7. So sleep? Not so much.  And it's getting to me almost as much as Hugo's big feet used to.

See ya,
kel

A Dreamscape

Last night I walked through a dreamscape unlike any other I have visited. I was walking, sometimes riding as a passenger in an old beat up diesel truck. The land around me had a bombed out barren feel, flat, no green to be seen, no matter which horizon I focused on. It felt like the aftermath of something terrible, something that had happened, but not recent. I caught a view of myself, and the face and self I saw was not the face I knew was mine.

Now, I am no raving beauty, but you can see my Swiss ancestry in my facial bones, I guess attractive is as close as I would admit to being, unless I am in the throes of passion, but that is another story.
The woman who looked back at me was shorter, darker hair cut short, dark eyes, round face, and she seemed potato pudgey. She was also extremely determined to find a person, a man, that she was following.

Was it love? I'm not sure, but she was stubborn and tough and needed to see this person.

Off the truck and approaching what must have been a bombed out town. I could see in the far distance smoke, as in a lot of things burning far away. This person I was saw a young girl who was alone, maybe 9 or 10 and naturally approached her and took her by the hand to walk with me. Something was happening, we needed to take shelter and headed to the broken remains of what must have once been a highway overpass. As we approached an unknown man burst out from the shadows and snatched the girl from me, I followed and fought, hard. The girl and I left, not sure what kind of mess I left that man in.

Scene turned again, I had found the man I had been looking for, someone I knew, someone I might have grown up with. As I silently studied his face I saw no love, no pity in his eyes, he was frankly dismissive. I was not prepared to give up, and as he drove away I followed, the girl at my side. Walking through dust towards that burning horizon.

So, that was the dream. When I woke the name "Neds' was in my head. Picking up my phone I googled Neds.  It turns out that Neds is a store in Australia, and Ned's Harbour in a town near Adelaide. I have never been to Australia, and I am not familiar with any of the smaller towns.
It really struck me as odd this dream. Was it in the past? Was it the future? And how did I know Ned's Harbour?

You have to wonder.

Kel

Cannot say much

I cannot say much, this is a public blog, but I sure wish things would get
better. I feel as though debt will always follow me, and staying positive
is taking all I have right now. Picture me banging my head against a figurative
wall. it does not change a thing.

Going to try and quit smoking for the 2nd time in a year. It's not
affordable, and everyone in my family wants me to quit. Emailed
the doctor for a new round of patches.

Other than that I am hanging on by my fingertips and praying that
something good will happen soon. I'm not a bad person, but I guess
that I am a bad judge of character or I would not be in this mess.

Wish me luck,

Kel

Rev' in up toward Christmas

I'm proud of myself! I am right on the time schedule for Christmas, getting things done early.
Well, it does help that no baking will be happening on my part. Diabetes sort of eliminates the sugary treats. Cards are almost ready to mail, as well as sending a few boxes out via USPS. Gifts
have been bought and are ready for wrapping.

I feel more in tune with the holiday spirit than I did last year. And all without yummies. Yes,
I do miss the cookies. But I am 27 pounds less than I was in March of 2015. I imagine that I will
indulge somewhat, but I did the same on Thanksgiving and the 2 added pounds came right back off.
New Years resolution? Actually commit to getting regular exercise..for me that means walking. It's done wonders in the past. I just miss the old dirt roads and the trees which gave you a feeling of a private walk in the woods. Lol, back in those days I walked so often that on Halloween several people in the neighborhood said "Oh! You are the walker!" (btw, not a reference to the Walking Dead.)

My anniversary date for one year with Blackstone is fast approaching as well, December 8. There is no yearly merit increase with this company. Makes me wonder why any of their employees would strive to do better. The only raise that they give out is what the union says they must pay and that is in August. Truly, they are the cheapest company I have ever worked for.

I hope to write something more before Christmas, but in case I do not, I hope that all of you can
spend Christmas with someone that you love.

Kel~*

Short Update

Things are just not right for the last few weeks. I'm finding it hard to find my happy place.
Between misunderstandings at home, and real issues at work I feel like a target.
All the over time is really starting to affect me. I feel tired and run down, and no
relief in sight.  There is something broken in a company that constantly has to ask their
employees to work extra every week, and I am completely serious in stating that I have
been doing OT since the first week I started with them. There might have been
1-2 weeks since last December that I worked just 40 hours.

The whole 'be grateful that you have a job?' I believe that is just the corporate world's
way of treating their people like slaves and getting away with it...the threat that they might take it
away from you keeps you in line. I remember how good it felt to work for an employer
that treated their employees well, (even though I got screwed in the end) the benefits
were very good. If you re treated right then OT is not something you dread. But companies
no longer care whether they treat you well or not..just be grateful.

Sadly, even with the over time I do not make enough to afford a place of my own
here in Colorado.It's very expensive to live here. So, if I sometimes bitch about moving
here being a mistake, it is not directed at my Dad or Dee. It's just that I lost something
when I became stuck, it's not their fault. I guess the old saying that happiness is not a place or
another person is true. It's within you, something you decide to be. But it's hard for me
having depression since forever in my life, and then whammies from work that just
keep coming. If I feel down trodden it's twice as hard to shake the blues.

Anyway (as Mom used to say) that's what's happening here for me. Maybe
tomorrow will be different in a positive way. No more whammies please.

K

Well! Of all things..really

  It turns out that the adware/malware was on my computer, and not on the blog. Seriously irratating stuff!
I have removed it twice now. I never really surf the web or go to untrustworthy sites. A few of my friends have had issues with their Facebook accounts. Whoever does these things just for the hell of it must be completely anti-social and malicious. What kind of enjoyment can you derive from screwing with a total stranger..that you will never know was effected by your ware?

In other news a week ago I traveled with my Dad, De up Fall River Rd and down Trail ridge, and enjoying being at the summit of one of these Rocky Mountains, approximately 11,799 feet. I took lots of pictures and even a few short videos. Planning ahead for weekends that are 'not outside' due to inclement weather, I have decided to try my hand at a You Tube video again.

I have quite a few videos on You Tube from 2008-2009 or thereabouts. I pretty much stopped when
Facebook came along, and the person inspiring me did the 'dump' Kelly thing. Though many of those videos were political in nature, I'm not heading that way again..simply entertainment.

I'm getting crunchy..really could use a real vacation, which I know will not be happening. December 8 is my anniversay date. THIS company sends you a check from your accrued hours. Essentially saying " Here's your money, No vacation for you."  I am not happy about that. But...I intend to keep that money and by damn I will get a vacation in. I've also never worked for a company that will not share your accrued sick and annual leave with you until you have been there a year. I keep jumping to worse and worse employers..which down right sucks.

So..back to the original subject..you won't get cooties on your computer from my blog. You are safe to browse and walk about the tunnels of my past.

~Kel *

I just cannot tell anymore

Considering the relationships I've had , basically 2 lengthy ones, I have NO clue when someone is flirting with me. I feel like a teenager wondering "were they flirting with me?" Yes, totally clueless.
Today, after talking about a vagrant with a Shell store manager, there was a man, pumping gas as I was, asking me how I kept my shirts so white. I felt like it was a commercial for a laundry product,
I assured him that I did nothing special. But the questions kept coming. And then he advised that he had been a cop. He asked me about my tie. Lord? I am really rusty at this stuff.I have not been in a relationship since Jan 2011. And not many before that,. I cannot tell when someone is asking for laundry hints and when they are flirting. It was bizarre,. It is unlikely that we will speak again.
Still it made me wonder.

I have sworn that I will never enter into a permanent relationship again, and I mean it. They are not worth the pain and disillusionment that you go through when they end. IF I DO date, it will be with the understanding that this maid service has closed. I can coexist..but just from my memories I can tell you that enough is not ever enough. If you sacrifice it will likely Not be acknowledged.

So..unless they are wealthy and can afford a cleaning service, I am so not going there.

Kel