Metamorphosis of a Romantic Heart

Since my days of youth I have been that person who sees the rosy, romantic vision of love. . I believed in Love Ever After, Amen. Through 30 years as an adult I held onto that view despite a long marriage ending and the trials and tribulations of my recent past relationship.

These past couple of days have been filled with quiet alone time, resting, thinking and keeping up with the apartment. That leaves me a lot of time for self- introspection, and I have been flipping this particular thought around for the past 24 hours or so. Lol, I wonder sometimes if others while pushing a mop and swiping spend the time doing the same, or am I a freak of nature.? ( don't worry, the music was playing, I was also Dancing to the Chores, coming to a crappy network soon, be sure to watch.)

I think that this past year has forever changed who I used to be. Funny that I could hold onto romanticism for so long and lose it now. Crawling out of my silken cocoon, I am emerging as an awakened butterfly, but a pragmatic one. Furling my wings, testing the wind, and despite being born to play among the flowers, I no longer believe that Love is meant to last forever. I do wonder that if I had waited 9 years ago if I would still be the Caterpillar, smiling with thoughts of true romance, dreaming and sighing my life along.

Soul mates, another concept that I clung to, recklessly in fact. That particular idea is what shushed the loud intuitions being yelled out by my own heart. What I believe now is that there are a select few who are fortunate enough to find the right person, the other side of themselves. It's a big damn world, and there are no clues pointing the way to find that person. So fate plays a huge role. I do envy them, those lucky ones. I do not believe it can be forced to happen. Nor do I believe that doing things the wrong way will lead you to success, absolutely not. Why should fate reward someone who hurts to get what they want? So maybe there is a smidgen of romanticism left in me, just not towards my own love life. I wish those select people a world of happiness.

Rainbow colors, quivering wings..taking flight..those red blooms look like a nice place to settle for a while. And sorry for a continuing theme...I am still thinking on it..obviously.

hugs,

k

1-26-2016--It has been 4 years or longer since I wrote the above blog entry. I have not attempted nor been tempted to enter into a relationship again. I have decided that friendship is a good thing, but romance is not such a good thing. I won't allow my heart to be broken again. It's all good, that is one less worry in my life.
~KA*