Rev' in up toward Christmas

I'm proud of myself! I am right on the time schedule for Christmas, getting things done early.
Well, it does help that no baking will be happening on my part. Diabetes sort of eliminates the sugary treats. Cards are almost ready to mail, as well as sending a few boxes out via USPS. Gifts
have been bought and are ready for wrapping.

I feel more in tune with the holiday spirit than I did last year. And all without yummies. Yes,
I do miss the cookies. But I am 27 pounds less than I was in March of 2015. I imagine that I will
indulge somewhat, but I did the same on Thanksgiving and the 2 added pounds came right back off.
New Years resolution? Actually commit to getting regular exercise..for me that means walking. It's done wonders in the past. I just miss the old dirt roads and the trees which gave you a feeling of a private walk in the woods. Lol, back in those days I walked so often that on Halloween several people in the neighborhood said "Oh! You are the walker!" (btw, not a reference to the Walking Dead.)

My anniversary date for one year with Blackstone is fast approaching as well, December 8. There is no yearly merit increase with this company. Makes me wonder why any of their employees would strive to do better. The only raise that they give out is what the union says they must pay and that is in August. Truly, they are the cheapest company I have ever worked for.

I hope to write something more before Christmas, but in case I do not, I hope that all of you can
spend Christmas with someone that you love.

Kel~*

Short Update

Things are just not right for the last few weeks. I'm finding it hard to find my happy place.
Between misunderstandings at home, and real issues at work I feel like a target.
All the over time is really starting to affect me. I feel tired and run down, and no
relief in sight.  There is something broken in a company that constantly has to ask their
employees to work extra every week, and I am completely serious in stating that I have
been doing OT since the first week I started with them. There might have been
1-2 weeks since last December that I worked just 40 hours.

The whole 'be grateful that you have a job?' I believe that is just the corporate world's
way of treating their people like slaves and getting away with it...the threat that they might take it
away from you keeps you in line. I remember how good it felt to work for an employer
that treated their employees well, (even though I got screwed in the end) the benefits
were very good. If you re treated right then OT is not something you dread. But companies
no longer care whether they treat you well or not..just be grateful.

Sadly, even with the over time I do not make enough to afford a place of my own
here in Colorado.It's very expensive to live here. So, if I sometimes bitch about moving
here being a mistake, it is not directed at my Dad or Dee. It's just that I lost something
when I became stuck, it's not their fault. I guess the old saying that happiness is not a place or
another person is true. It's within you, something you decide to be. But it's hard for me
having depression since forever in my life, and then whammies from work that just
keep coming. If I feel down trodden it's twice as hard to shake the blues.

Anyway (as Mom used to say) that's what's happening here for me. Maybe
tomorrow will be different in a positive way. No more whammies please.

K

Well! Of all things..really

  It turns out that the adware/malware was on my computer, and not on the blog. Seriously irratating stuff!
I have removed it twice now. I never really surf the web or go to untrustworthy sites. A few of my friends have had issues with their Facebook accounts. Whoever does these things just for the hell of it must be completely anti-social and malicious. What kind of enjoyment can you derive from screwing with a total stranger..that you will never know was effected by your ware?

In other news a week ago I traveled with my Dad, De up Fall River Rd and down Trail ridge, and enjoying being at the summit of one of these Rocky Mountains, approximately 11,799 feet. I took lots of pictures and even a few short videos. Planning ahead for weekends that are 'not outside' due to inclement weather, I have decided to try my hand at a You Tube video again.

I have quite a few videos on You Tube from 2008-2009 or thereabouts. I pretty much stopped when
Facebook came along, and the person inspiring me did the 'dump' Kelly thing. Though many of those videos were political in nature, I'm not heading that way again..simply entertainment.

I'm getting crunchy..really could use a real vacation, which I know will not be happening. December 8 is my anniversay date. THIS company sends you a check from your accrued hours. Essentially saying " Here's your money, No vacation for you."  I am not happy about that. But...I intend to keep that money and by damn I will get a vacation in. I've also never worked for a company that will not share your accrued sick and annual leave with you until you have been there a year. I keep jumping to worse and worse employers..which down right sucks.

So..back to the original subject..you won't get cooties on your computer from my blog. You are safe to browse and walk about the tunnels of my past.

~Kel *

I just cannot tell anymore

Considering the relationships I've had , basically 2 lengthy ones, I have NO clue when someone is flirting with me. I feel like a teenager wondering "were they flirting with me?" Yes, totally clueless.
Today, after talking about a vagrant with a Shell store manager, there was a man, pumping gas as I was, asking me how I kept my shirts so white. I felt like it was a commercial for a laundry product,
I assured him that I did nothing special. But the questions kept coming. And then he advised that he had been a cop. He asked me about my tie. Lord? I am really rusty at this stuff.I have not been in a relationship since Jan 2011. And not many before that,. I cannot tell when someone is asking for laundry hints and when they are flirting. It was bizarre,. It is unlikely that we will speak again.
Still it made me wonder.

I have sworn that I will never enter into a permanent relationship again, and I mean it. They are not worth the pain and disillusionment that you go through when they end. IF I DO date, it will be with the understanding that this maid service has closed. I can coexist..but just from my memories I can tell you that enough is not ever enough. If you sacrifice it will likely Not be acknowledged.

So..unless they are wealthy and can afford a cleaning service, I am so not going there.

Kel

Mouse rescue X2

gilly flushed the mouse out, Sam caught it. I rescued the mouse. Sam caught it a second time. I rescued a second time. Sam is pissed at me. Oh well. I don't want mouse vomit in my room.
Stay on the other side of the fence Mr Mouse.

The way little girls fight..and oh! the drama

   Fortunately I have long since become direct and to the point when I have an issue with someone.
I don't slink around with my nose in the air because I believe that someone slighted me in some way.
I don't ignore greetings or farewells because 'that' person dissed me. I zero in, confront and clear the air so that life can move on as usual.

There is a young girl who works at KP in the Pharmacy. I won't say her name or location. She
got her nose out of joint when I started last winter parking the security vehicle in a close and prominent position in front of the facility. I did not know it was an issue until she started parking exactly where the truck would go. And so it went on, I either parked somewhere else conspicuous or
when she was at lunch, when I normally arrive, I parked where I had been.

Now I had been informed that employees of Kaiser are supposed to park at the edges of the lot allowing members to park closer. I don't work for Kaiser, I work with them and for a different company. I believe that it is better for the facility that the security vehicle is parked during off hours where someone in the parking lot will notice, and I don't believe that I am wrong for believing so.

I guess someone said something to her when I asked who the 'gold' car belonged to. When I am posted for the evening in the building she rarely answers my "have a good night." And I feel that she is sharing her bad feelings with one of the nurses upstairs. Because my hi and have a good day was completely ignored, yet the 'girl' (yes I did say that) did speak to the person who entered after me..and then along came Miss Pissed Off.

Little girls..they are so much crueler than boys. Boys get mad, throw some punches and then are friends again in 5 minutes. Girls plot. They aim to hurt. They exclude. And it will continue until there is someone else who makes them mad.

I learned in the early stages of my marriage (of 19 years..and over now) that fighting angrily is not the way I function. I have to stop, compose and then say what I really have to say without responding with pure emotion. ( THIS does not apply to people who have deliberately hurt me..I did curse a blue streak and do not regret it.) The same goes for me approaching someone who talks behind my back. I might be warned to say nothing, but that solves nothing. The words will continue, and the damage will be done. Instead..I use assertiveness and the "I" feel and never "You did this."

It has worked well for me in the past. Poof..explanation and no more bad feelings or talk. So I will eventually approach her and give it a try. "Hey, I'm not sure what I did or said..but if I upset you then I am sorry." As simple as that. And if that does not work? Then she really is just a girl child who wants her way. And I will still say "Hello" and Have a good night." Because? I'll keep the peace but I really don't give a chit how she feels. In the interest of a happy work environment only. I think there is a princess complex there. She is beautiful on the outside, and a little girl on the inside.

~K

A goose magician

An Addendum to my previous mystery post about my missing gaggle:

I returned the following day to the Fort Collins location. Not one goose in sight so
I entered the building to do my patient standby. An hour and a half later I exited the building
and looked straight ahead to see most of the gaggle returned. I had to laugh, but still
wonder where they had gone? There truly was not one tail feather of a clue, there are no hiding places, or if there is it is very well hidden.

I had to walk over and say something, and likely looked like an idiot for talking to geese, but oh
well, that's just me. Of course I asked "Where the hell did you all go?" One black eyed gander
raised his head and neck up very alertly at my approach, but no hissing was issued. It was though
he said:

"Hey..yeah...there is that silly human again." and:
"Wouldn't you like to know?"

I am just happy to see them again even if I don't understand where they went off to. We had a whooper of a flooding thunderstorm the day after they disappeared. One other time after a big storm
is when I found them all in the parking aisle. Maybe some instinct tells them to take cover away
from the pond when weather threatens. Since I do not speak geese speek I'll have to be happy with
their return and let it go.

In other news, my dear Mrs.Flycatcher is being hounded by crows. This upsets me because I cannot
be there all the time. Crows are carnivorous and will eat the young of other birds. I tossed a rock, never coming close, to one sitting on top of the building. It hit the metal gate and made so much noise that both the crow and Mrs.Flycatcher were unhappily startled. I then proceeded to dream last night of someone reporting a vandal throwing rocks at the clinic...lol.

G'Nite,
~K

The Mystery of the Missing Gaggle

   I might have mentioned in one of my previous blogs that I have become a bit of a bird watcher since
arriving in Colorado. I guess the biggest reason is that I spend a great deal of time alone with my current job. Traveling to my 5 locations is how I fill my day, and I usually spend time walking building perimeters to see if anything looks "not right." For the most part this is non-eventful. So I had time and I started to watch the birds.

   Birds are amazingly resilient in a world where man just keeps encroaching.Maybe I had failed to take in the huge amount of people that call North Eastern Colorado home on my short trips out here. It quickly became apparent when I started to work and spent so much time on the roads. It may be unkind of me to wish most of them away, but that is how I feel. The urban sprawl just keeps a-going, land clearing for more and more stores and more and more housing. Just once I would like to have seen Colorado before the invasion started. With land and no houses as far as the eye could see, yes, that would have been wonderful.

   I have become attached to some of the birds that I see on my travels. Yes, I talk and whistle to them. Last night while doing so I heard footsteps coming from behind me. A young couple, not saying anything about my behavior, so I happily said "Yes. I talk to the birds." (better company then most humans-I thought but did not say.) At the Loveland office where I am at the beginning and end of my day I whistle with the Meadow Larks, or at least I attempt to, they have quite a complicated tune, so I improvise. I do believe that they sing back, but I am sure that they would be singing without my accompaniment.

  Above the garage entrance is a nest that sits about 20 feet off the ground on a metal ledge. Yes, I am worrying myself silly about baby birds dropping to the cement. I am praying that they are fully able to fly when they leave the nest. A lone female Flycatcher sings a sad 2 note song whenever I am near her nest. I whistle back, and we share her song. I don't know if it customary for her breed to parent alone, and I do remember another Flycatcher here with her in the spring. It may be my own delusion but I think that something happened to him and she has become the single parent. We do have a pair of Peregrine Falcons who hunt in the field around the office. So I talk to her and whistle back whenever I am outside so she worries less and hopefully is less lonely.

  The title of this blog suggests a mystery, and now that I have updated you on my peculiar fancies about local birds I shall explain. This past fall and winter I thoroughly enjoyed watching the Canadian Geese who come to Loveland and stay until spring. Some of them stay and do not fly back up north. Once such gaggle had settled on a small pond on the Fort Collins office location. Fret about them? Yes, I damn well do. That pond sits just feet away from a very busy intersection. Since I know how most of those people drive I forever worry about a careless driver and an unwary goose.

   This spring we had nests and when they hatched there were at least 18 fuzzy gray goslings waddling around after their parents. The adult geese are not always bright. I frequently found them taking a stroll in a busy parking lot with their kids following. Once after a heavy thunder storm the whole gaggle was strolling in the main parking aisle. I put my 4 way flashers on, got out of the car, and became a "Goose Wrangler." Waving my hands below my waist in a sweeping upward movement, I gently scolded and got them back on the grass and towards the pond. Yes, the stupid humans who drove to fast got waved down too.

  So, as you have read, I am quite attached to the animals on my patrol, most of the time more than the people. (though there are some who share the way I care and I love having someone I can share my thoughts with..he knows who he is, and he is super to everyone he works with.) Today as I entered the Fort Collins parking lot my head turned as usual to the right to spy on my feathered friends and make sure they were safe. I looked at the pond, the grounds..and there was not one goose or gosling to be seen. The babies I know were not old enough to fly yet, their wings had not fully developed. There was not way that they could have safely left as a group and crossed the roads near by without it becoming a murder scene. So where were my charges? I asked in the office if someone had moved them and no one could answer.

I know I shall not rest on my quest to resolve this mystery. I am hoping that Fish and Wildlife moved them as a group to a safer location. I want an answer damn it. If any of my readers know where my gaggle went please send me an email.

~kel
    

Time for change(s)

I've dreaded this day because it will take an incredible amount of willpower to change at this point
in my life. I'm not ready to post this on Facebook, and very few venture here, almost like a real diary locked away in a drawer. I've started the ball rolling with making a doctor appointment, the first step.
I've shared specimens will the lab at work. The news showing up is not so good, not terrible, but really not good. My cholesterol is still a problem. My previous physician (of whom I had little respect for-my own reasons) had prescribed a pill to lower it. Well it never did what it was supposed to so I stopped taking a pill which did no good. I had also read that one of the side effects was elevated blood sugar.

Todays results of my A1C Hbg, which is a test that measures blood sugar over a period of time (how it does that with one draw I'll never know.) This test came back elevated as well. My purpose in seeing a new doctor was to get aid in quitting smoking. It's past time and I am starting to feel the physical side of being a smoker, something that I did not feel living back east. Living at 4900 feet is about 4700 feet higher than I had been living. When I first arrived I did not feel any different. However since December I have slowly become short of breath.

So...wow...wondering just how much gumption I truly have. Quitting smoking, changing my diet, and getting exercise and being successful at it will really be a challenge for me. More pills as well, which I am truly not wild about. I think Americans are too pill happy. One pill fixes one problem and another hole opens in the damn with the side effects of that one pill. So you are prescribed another pill..and on and on. I'd rather deal with this simply by changing my life style then by adding more pills.

I'm not going to ask for good luck. If and when I am sure that I have succeeded in my battle I will boast about it. Until then I will be digging though my psyche looking for that needed stubbornness to jump start the will power.

K~*

Where does it say "hate" people who are different than you?

I've always believed two things about the Bible..

1. It was written by men, a history passed down by word of mouth, so it is biased and has it's share of opinion written as the word of God, by humans, who had their share of prejudice.


2. It is a good guide for ethical behavior. " 10 commandments, etc, Love their neighbor as thy self. But I really hate when people twist it's words for the reason of hate. Whether it's someone who believes something else, or enslaving an entire people, and finding passages that can support what you want to believe. 

I feel that what Jesus was preaching was Love. And you cannot get Love with a pitchfork and fire inspired intolerance. This world would be a much better place if we could just let other people believe what they want to, as long as it is peaceful and respects the beliefs and rights of others.

No one has the right to claim that their religion is the 'right' one. it is the right one for them. Killing in God's name? So not what we were taught to believe. Using religion as an excuse for war? Treating people as less than human because of their sex, color, beliefs? Also not what Jesus was preaching. 

Humans...have taken a very good idea and twisted it to what they want to believe. Things were a lot simpler when we worshipped the earth, sun and moon. 

~K

Seems impossible, I mean really??

There were 384 hits to this blog since yesterday. How is that possible? Who would visit that often? Has me thinking that my blog is linked to something else that is wildly more interesting..lol.

Not much news here, plugging away on the new job, my 90 day review is next month, and my benefits will start then as well. It has it's days of boring, and sometimes weeks where the action does not stop. I get to meet some nice people during my day, mostly the Ancillary clerks at the clinics, but also the medical directors in Administration. If someone shares clues that they would prefer to be left alone, I mind them and just say my hello's and git.

We have had some weeks of beautiful almost spring like weather, but winter is projected to return with a vengeance this coming weekend. I won't hold my breath, because forecasts here change quickly, but they are calling for 8-12 inches of snow Friday through Sunday. This will make for a challenging start for my week.

Wishing everyone well (except for a few that I am better off not mentioning) and hope that winter is treating you well.

Love,
K

Like Minds and thinking alike

Just a quick note regarding something that I am happy to have found.

Colorado..famous for the Rocky Mountains

Colorado..famous for pot legalization

Colorado..famous for it's Bronco fans

Colorado,.,famous for being conservative....

I must admit to feeling more than a bit repressed since my move here because there
are certain things I am not allowed to discuss in the house..namely politics, fracking,
chem trails, and the corporate controlled media. I was beginning to feel I could not express myself at
all, it was not appreciated and I was even told to NOT talk about those things and others.

So I must admit to feeling relieved and refreshed to find out that I am not the lone
liberal in Larimer county. I have spoken with a co-worker, who I will not name, but
totally enjoyed speaking with about all those mentioned things above and more. It was like
finding a friend in an unexpected place.

The other was a bit more surreal, but that was only due to the fact that it was snowing and I
was cleaning off my car at home when he walked up. This nice man had taken on an enormous
task in trying to get people interested in solar gardens on a day that mother nature blew heavy snow on him. He assured me, while we made small talk about solar, that I was not alone, and that there were many out there that care about the things I was forbidden to discuss.

So, I feel a little less the odd ball, and more than a little relieved to meet these folks.
Sometimes the above mentioned subjects, when brought into conversation, actually scare people, make them uncomfortable, and it's an iffy thing when you take that chance.

So..feeling not alone anymore,

K

There is no "I"

We have become very "self serving" in today's world. Why do so many relationships fail today instead of continuing like our grandparents? Because we think in "I' and not we, or us. I fear the days of marriage lasting those amazing 50 years are gone. If you do know of one of those marriages it is likely that they are from an earlier generation.

When those folks fell in love back then it was forever, come better or worse, and they faced those times together, because they gave each other strength. Adversity was a challenge met by 2 and not 1. They respected each other, and treated each other as they would want to be treated.

Today's world is so very much "me-me-me", what am I not getting that I need? Why is this person that I married not taking care of me? Why am I doing everything myself? I deserve better. The message that is sent by our statements to each other reinforces that. Belittling, not listening, only reacting makes both people wrong.

We have lost the "we." Being in two failed relationships myself I can see that. Some of it was my fault, and definitely some of it was theirs. I thought I was working for the We, but obviously not since it ended in  failure. That was both of our faults, not exclusively mine.

I have lost faith in a relationship working and have no desire to ever search or start another one.
If that means being by myself then so be it. I am happy being alone. I have four legged friends to help, and two legged friends to make me feel happy about being who I am. I do not feel that another person can complete me because only I can do that.

I'll never meet another man again who will change that belief. I have seen far too many failures  to keep the dream of a "soul mate" alive for me. Maybe somewhere in the distant past I had been a part of a great love. Maybe that's why I have tried for so long, or perhaps I believed in fairy tales.

There is no "I" in a marriage. If there is not a "We" than there is nothing.

Not intending to be dark, but it's been a rough night here. Neither party was innocent. But if they only see their own side then they really do not have a "We." Things were said, actions were taken that were nothing but wrong. Being an observer was painful, and keeping my mouth shut was harder still.

A marriage that works takes a lot of compromise, it cannot be one sided. There can only be "we."

~K