I currently live a surprisingly quiet life but it's not boring to me. When Covid began it's cycle of death I was still working. Thankfully I worked a one person shift where I was alone for 8 hours or more. We lost employees in July which caused the remaining 3 of us to work constantly, 24/7. After 30 days of that hell we were let go when new building owners decided that we were no longer needed. Thus began my "hermit-tude."
Yeah, not a word, I made it up, but it is accurate.
I requested unemployment from the state of Ohio. I had lived here for 3 years, and I have never in my life asked for assistance before. After weeks of being shot down by a really poorly designed web site, I gave up. Out of need I accessed my small IRA.
The only places I go to are the laundromat and the food store. I do not see anyone. The last two moves were friendless, meaning I was never able to make or keep any new friends. It sucks. I have never had any problems making friends at any point in my life before leaving WV. I question if I have changed or has society changed? My answer is society.
I'm older. People assume I have friends and family with me. I do not belong to any instant attention sites on the internet. Meaning I do not do Instagram, Tik-tok, or any other "upload to the masses for recognition" web sites. I keep in touch with some old friends and family on facebook. I only post to my friends, not public, because I despise trolls. I refuse to argue with assholes. I am opinionated and I don't make everyone happy, but fight over it? I'll pass.
I am too old to care what others think. Which is probably one of the reasons I am not a social animal. Wanna sneer at me and talk behind my back when I food shop? F-you. Most of those people are taking the first steps up the ladder of life. I am reaching the summit. They are so far below me that their opinions no longer hurt like they did when I was younger. I actually pity the fools. (intentional) Walmart shoppers are not entering beauty contests, not everyone is 21, and what the hell, have you looked in a mirror recently? If I was their level of the ladder I would run the hell away from pretend man-boys who rate women in a food store.
So, yeah. My life would be sir crazy boring to most people. I sleep when I want. Putz around cleaning small bits, make dinner when I am hungry, and spend most of my time reading and playing harmless puzzle/card games on the internet. Maybe it's self preservation. I protected myself from a terrible disease. But I also, and this is important, have come to realize that I am protecting my heart from further hurt. Frankly, it hurt bad in Colorado, I felt like I was pushing myself on people to be my friend. Begging for friendship is so not me. I've also been burnt badly, twice from people who should have been my closest friend/lovers. So it took my the better part of my life to come back to what 14 year old me knew, we are all alone. Better like yourself because other people cannot be counted on to stay true to anyone but themselves. This is my life. It's ok.
No comments:
Post a Comment