Frost Bit

 💨💨😗🌨

There have only been a few times in my life when Mother Nature became a frigid bitch, and right now is one of them. For weeks this January we haven't broken out of the teens in temperature and night in the single digits or below zero. I am very aware that other people are experiencing worse than I am. I share sympathy for those folks. But I can still bitch about my current situation. My feet don't get warm unless I'm wearing wool socks and under the bed covers for at least 30 minutes.

I can feel the cold air doing it's very best to infiltrate through the front windows and door. There's nothing I can do to stop it. Heat? So flipping expensive right now, and baseboard electric is only on one wall in the living room and the bedroom. It struggles to heat anything beyond 3 feet in front of the heater.

I've been wearing layers since December. I'm a firm lover of the seasons, but this year I'm rooting for spring. Less clothes and lower electric bills. Not having my cabinets open and faucets dripping to prevent busted water pipes. Or just a regular winter where the temperature fluxuates. This polar vortex came for a visit and doesn't want to go home. I'm revoking it's Visa. Go back to the Artic!! I'm tired of hosting a bitch who raises my bills and leaves me frozen.

Wishing for a fireplace or a warm island.

Kel

Tis the Season

 For snow. Winter has decided that this is the week for us to wake up!! You know, as a kid I loved it, even if it meant wearing bread bags held on with a rubber band inside my boots. No fancy water proofing in those days, we generally were frozen and wet after playing outside in the snow. Snow forts and ferocious snow ball battles. It was fun then.

Now? It's a pain in my 60 something year old ass. If I lived in my own home I'd periodically use a broom to sweep the steps. A week or two ago we had maybe 1 inch fall for our first snow. Building maintenance did absolutely jack shit to clear the 15 steps it takes to get up to my apartment. They lightly scattered snow melt and left it. Treacherous? Yes, and I normally am slow going down those stairs. Here's hoping that my bitching about it makes a difference.

Now a days I plan around the snow since I'm basically a hermit. I'm prepared by stocking up so outside trips aren't necessary. I have better boots, lol, and almost waterproof gloves. I do have unfortunate luck with hats though, either they are so tight they slide up my hair, or so loose and floppy they don't keep out the cold. So I wrap my head and throat with a long scarf and look like a scary old granny.

I hope everyone who stops on this blog has a wonderful holiday season. If you're from the U.S wear sweatpants for turkey day. 

Don't bankrupt yourself buying gifts this year. If someone really needs uplifting gift groceries or cash. Whatever you do do Not support the big box stores and oligarch run businesses like Amazon, Target, and Walmart. Shop locally instead. We need to stop giving them our money to send a message that they will not control this country and abuse us to get richer.

Off my soap box. Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Kel 

Autumn has arrived!

I have no pretty pictures of colorful leaves just yet because they hadn't started to change until this past week.  The jungle of kudzu covered trees behind my apartment has changed to yellow this weekend and as in the past will quickly turn brown (so disappointing). I'm going to have to actually go outside and find the prettier trees. Unfortunately I'm not really able to trek far with my cane, but I'll try.

I used to live in a wooded community in Southern Maryland. It wasn't hard at all to see gorgeous color. Because of our location the leaves turned later. I would actually stress out if we had been in drought conditions because it meant leaves fell quickly and autumn was over in the blink of an eye.

The nights here in Ohio are finally turning colder, and we're expecting temps in the 50's this week. So this old autumn baby is happy. My decor is spread out making me smile, a change of scenery was well needed. I'll share my views below. I don't do spooky decorations as I used to, I've been forced to down size too many times and much went to goodwill. 

I hope that everyone can experience their own autumn fun. For my readers in the Southern hemisphere I know that summer is upon you. I'm sorry, this old fart would lose what's left of her marbles if my seasons were reversed. Living in Southern California for 9 years made me miserable. I don't care, Thanksgiving and Christmas are cold holidays and much of my seasonal happiness was lost there .

So gaze upon my meager decorations and be well.

Forget about medical

 I've blathered on about health issues that I have or have dealt with on this blog. Well the days of affordable care are over for this gal. I was forced out of Medicaid, was switched to a decent HMO, and now dumped into a PPO that costs me too much out of pocket. So no more specialists or diagnostic procedures, not when I can't afford my side of the payments. A $200 fee to cover a doctor appointment and labs is 200 I can't pay. So I won't be moving forward for any health care in the future. Otherwise I'll end up with medical debt. There will be a national problem with medical debt forth coming as the Medicaid cuts go into affect and I feel for those people who won't have a choice 

In other news I'm sure most people are aware of the assignation of Charlie Kirk. In my opinion any gun violence is too much.  But I heard Kirk's remarks about school shootings. He said that "sacrifices" must be made to protect the 2nd amendment. Meaning kids had to die so the right to bear arms could be upheld. Therefore, according to Kirk, his death is just another sacrifice. The anger spilling out of MAGA to blame liberals for his death is unjustified. If they believed what Kirk said then they should calm down. Where ..was their anger over the mass killings of innocent children?? Most liberals are against violence. I think that it was personal, that the shooter heard Kirk's take on school shootings, likely lost someone they loved, and believed in revenge. The shooter's t shirt was in support of disabled veterans. Instead of targeting the crowd, it was a single shot by someone who was trained as a sniper .

That's it for today.  

It's coming!!

 I can feel it coming, feel it peeking around the corner; I can sense that it's wearing a mischievous grin and has gleaming eyes. The wind gusts start the leaves chattering, "it's coming" they whisper loudly. Every insect screams a late summer song, while nights become colder, and geese direct their gaggle arrowing towards the South. That season of change is almost upon us as we think about grabbing a jacket.

If you cannot surmise by the above messy description, fall is coming. I much prefer that announcement over the oft quoted " Winter is coming." Traditionally Autumn is a season of plenty, the harvest gathering of summer's labors.  In the past winter meant shortages of food, deep cold and dark skies.

For All the lovers of October's burst of colors, singularly beautiful skies and frosty nights,Well Come. In my heart I wish that autumn lasted longer, it seems like such a long time before it returns. So my friends enjoy this bright festival filled month of good food, good spirits and spooky fun. I'm itching to pull out the fall decor but technically it's still late summer, and I'm old enough to not want time to speed up.

            

On standby

 Sometimes life gets bitchy and sticks it to ya. (Not the greatest first line but I'm in a slump, so bite me.)

I've been fortunate since I became unemployed, broke, and in the hospital in 2022. Even though at the time I felt like I was being buried by paperwork, it eventually paid off and I received Medicaid. For those who think people on Medicaid are moochers just shut up and try to develop some empathy. My body was messed up because for the 3 years I had been working I did not receive health insurance. I lived in constant pain and still worked. I didn't make enough money to afford to pay for it, and even though I worked plenty of over time I had been hired as part time.

I didn't know that the fall I had at home, when I was first employed, had fractured 3 discs in my back.  Believe me, over the counter pain meds did very little to help. It wasn't until I was unemployed and had Medicaid that I found out my back has broken. My employer worked us 30 days straight with no time off and dumped us on the 31st day.  No severance pay, just Get Out. This was August 2020, the height of COVID-19. I tried to get unemployment but was turned down. Millions of people were also applying at that time. I gave up.

If it wasn't for Medicaid I wouldn't have had the medical care that I really needed. I retired early after trying to work on a couple of jobs and didn't feel well doing so, turns out I had multiple health issues that needed to be addressed. Passing out or falling while at work wasn't something I was willing to do.

You don't just coast along with Medicaid, you are told several times a year to show your income sources and bills, it's a big hassle but one I had to do to keep my coverage. Then... I turned 65. Suddenly my status changed because I was applicable for Medicare. 

My financial situation had not changed but now I was expected to pay out of pocket. I'd certainly like to know why. Those 3 years on Medicaid proved my financial situation, and couldn't afford extra costs. I managed to get HMO coverage through Humana, which frankly was great, no out of pocket costs for 6 months anyway.

After 6 months Humana wanted to know if I was still covered under Medicaid. Medicaid advised Nope, you turned 65. So long story short I lost the perfect coverage. I was forced to change to a PPO. I'm expected to pay 20% of everything. So, unless I want to incur medical debt I can't use my insurance. Just stop everything that was being done to help me because I cannot afford to pay it. I might as well be right back where I was 5 years ago. Medical coverage means jack shit if you can't use it 

Sorry, but this topic has been stewing and boiling over since the end of June and it had to come out. 

Truly, I'd be more upbeat if I wasn't always fighting the system. There are plenty of things we seniors have to worry about in Trump world, the biggest being Social Security. If he plays games with Our money it's possible we'll be unable to pay rent and buy food, not that he'd ever care. It could create a terrible future with the elderly, millions of us, forced to the street.

His biggest fault, and we know he has many, is that he has never ever lived a life without luxury and money. He's never been hungry without food. He's never worried about not having rent money or a car payment. He's completely without empathy because he has nothing to relate to, and cannot perceive living as we do. So he doesn't care, at all. In fact the poor seem to be despised.

His Big Bullshit Bill proves that without a doubt.

My empathy and sympathy goes out to all the elderly, the very young and the disabled who will be losing their Medicaid during late December 25 and January 2026. Somehow we are all expected to go back to work and find money to pay for everything. It's not going to be good. Not everyone has family to help. Not everyone is fit enough to work. So Grandma and Grandpa are not going to be able to do it.

I have nothing nice to say about trump and those that thought he was the Messiah coming to make everything great. Say good bye to the America you thought would be restored, because Emperor trump wants total submission and control. Doesn't matter if you lose your rights, your insurance, your retirement, am I right? 

Good night and good luck.

And release the Epstein files. Trump has a history of sexual abuse. Let's bring it out into the daylight and expose him for what he really is.

Good Lord, where to start

 I'm an arm chair protester. I'm pretty much stuck in NW Ohio, not able to travel to the state capital, and not able to walk distances and stand for hours. I've called and left messages for Ohio's two Republican senators, much good that will do. I've bombarded my news feed on Facebook with all sundry of protests, issues and encouragement for people to stand up to the destruction of our democracy.

I'm sure that folks are starting to avoid my constant posts, but what else can I do? I've signed petitions and still I feel that it's not enough. My mood is basically stressed out and upset.

For any readers who might have voted for trump and consider yourself "Maga", if it hasn't hit you yet, what trump and musk are doing to the country you profess to love, is the destruction of our democracy. No healthcare or food assistance for seniors, the poor and the children. If you are not the age to collect social security forget about being able to collect when the time comes. If you are already on SS you should be worrying if the next check will arrive. Education, the VA, Medicaid, Medicare and SS are on their chopping block.

When we were young, and throughout are working years money was automatically taken from our earnings to be set aside until we reached retirement age. SS isn't an entitlement, we worked for our SS benefits. The money is Ours. Trump and musk are playing the biggest grift on record in the theft of our money., to pay for more billionaire tax breaks and line their own pockets. Why do people who have more money then they could spend need more? What they are doing is a crime and self enrichment.

Musk is the biggest thief of the two. He's closed departments that were investigating his businesses. He's dumped Verizon from the FAA contract to replace it with Starlink, his company. He has over 300 billion in government contracts and has cleared the road of anyone who might challenge him. So even though trump fancies himself a king the real emperor is musk. 

Whether you imagined your world as a republican or a Maga you're going to lose too. They have a plan and you aren't included. When everyday groceries are twice what you normally pay. When the electric bill becomes outrageous. When gas goes back up, you'll feel it. When lumber and alcohol become too pricey to afford. You can't blame Biden for your expensive eggs anymore because he's not the current president. Trump's tariffs are an act of aggression against countries who did nothing to deserve it, but the real losers are the people of the U S. A recession is coming. And you can thank the 7 times failed businessman and felon in charge. He has no real understanding of how tariffs work. He's a flipping bully and is destroying relationships globally. 

We are no longer the "shining city on a hill." Trump can't be trusted so neither can our country. When he openly supported Putin, the dictator, we lost our place as a beacon of democracy. When he threatens Greenland, Panama and Canada he's asking for war. Whatever motivates trump to believe that he's playing a game of Risk or Monopoly with the planet, he's dragging all of us along with him.

So yeah I'm stressed. We haven't been so close to WW3 since I was a kid.  We are going to feel the oppression of his presidency.  I hope that Maga people consider themselves responsible for what our nation will become. And I have a sad prayer I say each night asking God isn't it time for trump to go home?

Not going to talk about it yet

 Don't think for a second that I have nothing to say about the current status of the United States. I'm too pissed off and afraid to say anything yet. Let me just say that my own security and living expenses are being held for hostage and yes I'm afraid.

***shivers***❄️❄️❄️

 I've busted my tail and prayed over my car battery for the last 48 hours preparing for the potential ice storm predicted for tonight. I've lived through them before. The storms from my childhood were almost magical with the woods shimmering with ice, they looked like a fairy tale. As an adult, who once was a homeowner and still drives a car, they've been replaced with nightmare visions of nature's unsympathetic destruction.

Picture a quiet night in the mid 1990's. Sitting around the table when the electric cut off and everything became too quiet. Then the destruction began. A cracking sound followed by a solid Boom. A tree just snapped off from the top. My husband went outside to investigate, not wise at all, and ran back in as more trees rained down amid the ice assault. 

The next day the temperature remained zero and single digits. It looked as though a tornado had struck our community. Trees crushed cars, laid over the roads, had crashed through windows and roofs. Unlike a tornado, none were spared. Cars off the roads in medians and ditches. 

So no matter that I no longer am a homeowner or married, the memory of ice storms is still tapping on my brain, reminding me of that particular time. My racing around the past two days was in preparation for tonight. No driving until it melts. Enough supplies to cover my needs. No one, who is intelligent, should be out there driving right now, and yet I keep hearing the constant blaring of sirens meaning that they didn't think. 

Just sitting and wishing that this little box I live in had a fireplace. Or at least something to cuddle up with, preferably something with fur, whiskers and a tail.

Stay safe.

Kel 

Holidays? Humph

 First let me say that this is not a self pity party. I'm not weeping, not depressed. What I am is sort of blah. 

I do my best to beat back feelings of loneliness, I decorate, light those holiday smelling candles, try to get myself at least something new that I need. I talk with old friends who are dear to me. But inevitably I spend the holidays alone. And this year for some reason the blahs are continuing past the holidays.

I haven't left my apartment for two weeks. I don't really want to either. I feel insulated here in my chair, never changing out of my pajamas. Doing nothing but playing on my phone, reading and sometimes watching videos.

Anyway I  just want to say that staying in and shutting out the world is not something I normally do. I feel like a switch has been flipped and it's not returning to normal. It's a little late in life for me to become agoraphobic. 

So my refusal to take down the Christmas decorations and staying at home is maybe my mind telling me that we didn't really have Christmas and we're going to wait here for it. Let's just admit that in my past Christmas was a big deal, and having it shrink to nothing is very hard for me to deal with.

65 is BS

Turning 65 has been the biggest butt pain I've had since since 2022 when I was able to wade through the gazillions of paperwork to get Medicaid, social security and temporary housing assistance. It would be damn nice for things to stay the same, but nope.

Hey!! Happy birthday! We have a present for you. You will no longer be covered under Medicaid. Oh! And we're going to take money out of your social security check to pay for Medicare, because we know your broke, but thems the rules. So sorry that you are on so many medications, you'll need to pay some more for that coverage.

It's like it wasn't obvious that I was on Medicaid because I'm poor. That seems to have suddenly changed overnight.. because now I'm 65. I have spent the last couple of weeks calling and waiting on hold to try and make this a sensible transition. Why the federal government thinks that 65 is a great age to mess with older folks is beyond me .

But it could be worse and likely will be. Why? Because the person who won the election has a little 900 page guide on how to strip funds and melt down government agencies. He doesn't give a HOOT who is hurt by what will be done. I can honestly say that millions of our elderly will lose their homes, meds and food. It will be the biggest crisis imaginable with the old folks pushed to the streets. The authors of project 2025 must have not taken to account what messing with SS and Medicare will do. They think that all of us dependent on SS should go back to work. Work till we die. I guess only the wealthy deserve to retire. We worked for that security for years. It's ours and not an entitlement, some sort of gift. NO IT ISN'T.

So I'm trying my hardest to wade through this, but how long will it be before they destroy it? The end of 2025 is what has been predicted. I'm sure it would solve their problems by rounding us up and placing us in camps like they intend to do with immigrants. Just gas the old folks so they can take the money they want so badly.

The morons who voted him in are not separate because of their votes . Yeah, you voted for someone who has no respect for our democracy. He will systematically dismantle the Constitution. Your rights will disappear the same as the rest of us. I'm sure you'll be proud of your choice when our democracy becomes a dictatorship. Thanks so much for fucking the country over.

For David, please rest in peace.🙏

 This.morning, after I had been asleep about 2 hours, my niece called to let me know that my brother had died. It didn't hit me right away, at least not until after the call. Trying and failing to go back to sleep I've given up and so here I sit with my coffee, writing in my blog trying to make sense of a sad life and a sadder ending.

I'm going to stop here and come back later.

†""*""***"""""****""***

I prefer the memories of our youth. My brother became an almost unlikeable adult. As a child he was a temper inducing name caller and a mimic. So you're wondering he was worse as an adult? Yes.  Whatever mental or emotional cause he had as a child it wasn't properly diagnosed. When he was in 2nd grade he was tested and diagnosed with a "perception problem". All I can remember is that Mom described it as "if you are seeing a telephone pole that is straight up and down, he sees it as leaning." It still didn't touch on his problems. Full blown tantrums before bedtime every night. Going to extended family's homes and refusing to take off his coat and leave the front door. He did grow out of this as he aged 

He couldn't go up to a neighbors house and knock on the door. As I got older it seemed like social anxiety. But, as an adult he consistently was a no show for holidays and birthdays, especially for his own children who were raised by our mother because he failed at taking proper care of them.

He seemed manic depressive in a big way. He talked about himself like he had superhuman powers (which freaked me out) and then would hit the lowest of lows and say suicidal intentions. Starting at age 15 he found marijuana which became a life long habit. He also drank everyday.

As far as personal relationships went, he had none. He was briefly married because he was responsible for 2 pregnancies, same lady, who happened to be my best friend. My father pushed them into marriage and it was a disaster. He bullied. He selfishly told her that his paycheck was for him, and that hers should pay for the kids needs. He bullied and raged at our mother. 

So yes, the only good memories I have were during his name calling years. After years and years of him not being a part of the family and general strange behavior, I distanced myself from him. So did his children and the rest of the family. He would sometimes comment on my Facebook posts, and I'd answer him.

It does hurt that he died. He had fallen and broke ribs. I told him to see a doctor, and he did go to the E.R and had X-rays. However, he failed to follow up, self medicating with pot and beer. I suspect that he was given pain meds while at the hospital as well. He fell again, vomited blood and died. The police detective had to search to contact the family.

Sadly no one in our family has the money to pay for funeral costs. I'm not sure if we will get together for a remembrance because frankly there were not many happy ones. I cannot afford to fly out or drive that far.

I live alone as well. I don't do drugs nor consume alcohol. My health is eh. Fix one problem, find another. I've told my niece and Aunt and Uncle that when I go I also want to be surrendered to the state. I figure I'll be gone and spending money on me would be against my wishes. 

I wish my brother had had a happier life. I hope that he finds the peace and joy that eluded him on earth.  That's what I wish for all of us.

Kel 

Buried in paper 🤨☠️✍️

These requests for documentation come in waves, usually 4 times a year, And I hate every second of it. Digging through old records, deciphering the legal speak, rushing to copy and deliver. It never arrives singlely, typically it's multiple requests from different sources. 

The pension plan paperwork from a past employer has a total of 33 pages designed to make your mind whirl like a rabbit being chased by a fox. I've spoken with both my bank and said pension company and still don't know what to do. I need expert advice. I've left a message for my uncle for a call back. He's a finance whiz, but I'm not sure if he will be up to the task due to health issues.

The other one is a quarterly request from Medicaid because they somehow feel that I'm a millionaire taking advantage of the system. This time was car title, pension and bank account info just in case I die, since I will be 65 next month and they want my leftovers. I didn't know that 65 was a death number, I've always thought it was just another year.

So yeah, I hate paperwork. That's not going to change, ever. In past jobs paperwork was part of the battle but I didn't hate it. I just hate my own.

Kel

24-24 hours a day I want to be sedated

 So I had my second arteriogram and WOW was it different. In March I woke up (fiddling with my nasal cannula) while the doctor spoke in pig Latin (well to me it was as I didn't understand a word) telling me that I needed a bypass. On Friday I had a different experience entirely. Instead of gibberish it was me screaming "I want to be sedated!" I was later told that I snored in between bellowing for drugs.

Cut me a break, I didn't want to feel pain, and someone pushing a balloon through my arteries hurt like hell. I didn't expect it as it was far from what I had previously experienced. So now I have stents in my left leg, 3 in total. I also was gifted with a grapefruit sized hematoma (bruise) in my right groin area. It looks worse than it feels. The actual pain is the left leg where the stents were manipulated into my arteries.

I'm imprisoned in the apartment as the steps of pain and my manual transmission are no-no's right now. Follow up next week with the surgeon. And for some reason my PC wants to see me as well. Some policy regarding post op. 

I'm praying that this cures my drunken gait. So hoping that it brings my leg back to normal. I still have body parts misbehaving, namely the tumor on my parathyroid. There seems to be no hurrying happening with the endocrinologist. November was the  earliest appointment available. I'd really like to approach the New Year without a tumor. 

That's all for now. Below is my in living color bruise. I guess I should be grateful that both of my legs don't look like this.

Kel

The battle continues

 What to say? I spent 4 hours today in Saint Vincent's nuclear med department, having someone trying to find out why my parathyroid is being a little bitch. For some reason, unknown to me, my parathyroid is behaving blind. It can't detect the natural calcium in my blood and is nipping at my bones to correct it, flooding my body with calcium and not stopping.

I've looked into it and the likely cause is a tumor on the gland. I'm waiting for the results of the scan for confirmation. The surgery can be done as an outpatient, so it seems uncomplicated. But cutting into my neck is still a little freaky.

Put Out one fire out and another appears, I feel like California.

I finally found a new vascular surgeon. He wants to do another arteriogram instead of the fem pop bypass. He believes that he can force open the blockage in my left leg. I'm scheduled for August 30. It's preferable since the recovery time is less. Crossing all my fingers and toes. This whole dead leg has been going on for over a year now.  It's rather depressing. But seriously, I want to be able to walk without looking like I'm drunk especially since I gave up alcohol consumption 3 years ago come November. I don't miss it. I have bad enough balance without asking for a fall 

As to the rest of my life? I've turned into a huge procrastinator. I guess since I have no one stopping by I've given up on being Milly the maid 

I'm at least hopeful that the tide has turned and we, the Democrats, have a much better chance of beating the orange lying blob who would be a dictator. I personally really like Tim Walz, he's a hoot and down to earth 

Enough for now. Not that anyone ever visits here that's actually interested in my life, no comments, all anonymous little mice who want to check on a train wreck they used to know.

Kel 

So disturbed

 Yesterday's Supreme Court decision, in my opinion, is the prelude to the demise of Democracy. It opens the door and pats a dictator on the back as he walks in. So do what you want, no more checks and balances, no punishment for criminal behaviors.

 It will accept imprisonment of proported enemies. It will accept the assassination of dissenting parties. It will allow theft and graft.

 It will not allow for Free Speech of it's citizens. 

It will be the destruction of our constitution. It will be the end of our almost 250 years of Democracy.

So, for all you MAGAs out there, who wave flags and call yourselves patriots, you are the antithesis of freedom loving Americans. You support a man determined to be a dictator and destroyer of Democracy.  Either you are so stupid that you don't truly understand what will happen, or you don't care. You somehow believe that being one of his accolytes will benefit you in the future. Well, the last laugh will be on you. After the election you'll be so much leftover balloons and Trump flags. He has used you, and will forget you, you are a means to an end. Whatever befalls the rest of the country will also happen to you, your vote won't make you exempt.

I realize that Biden is older by 3-4 years. But he has steadfastly supported Democracy and the people of the United States for 50 years. His oath of office means something to him. The only person Trump supports is himself. And take a moment and listen to one of Trump's rambling speeches. Is he really any better a choice cognitively or in respect to advanced age? Personally I think all of us would have been much better off with 2 younger candidates but that didn't happen. If you vote Republican you are casting a vote for Democracy's end. If you believe that you will have a merry and bright life in a dictatorship you're as dumb as a rock.

Kelly 

A watched pot ⚠️🌡️🧯

 Starring at the pot of water, waiting for it to boil. Just standing there feeling frustration growing. Wondering if I'll come to a boil before the water does.

My surgery was scheduled for June 5th. I show up for the pre-surgery anesthesia screening to find out that everything has been cancelled. I'm not the only one, all of the doctor's surgeries were cancelled. I call the office to find out he had an emergency and had transferred 20 patients, including me, to another doctor. I've waited 15 days and the new doctor's office has not called. This was supposed to be a surgery that had to happen ASAP. So I called my doctor's office to ask what the heck was going on. They don't know either. So I wait simmering.

The endocrinologist I was referred to... I have little faith in because his office has plenty of people but claim to be understaffed. Packed waiting room, signs advising that a one to two hour wait was expected everyday. They failed to give me all the paperwork he ordered and I've called twice to get them fix it. Again, unresponsive office staff. I'm fed up. If there is no follow through I'm cancelling my next appointment and finding a new specialist. Oh, and I'll review online exactly why I don't recommend.

I've experienced good medical care, so I know when I'm not receiving it. For the most part I've been very happy with the Mercy physicians. My original vascular physician is not affiliated with Mercy, but the coordination of testing required Mercy to follow through, and they did. These two new physicians are not the same as what I have previously experienced.

Funny how something like this makes you feel alone, unseen, ignored. I'm way too much a feisty old bitch to allow it to continue. Nobody is going to isolate me. I'll roar to be heard and I'll do a nasty review if they continue to ignore me. I'll find replacements for mediocre service.

I'm almost at a boil. 15 days and counting.

****Update****

I fired Dr Moosa and his office of incompetent associates. I'm not going back to that cattle chute.

I haven't yet found a new Endocrinologist. I'm still on permanent hold for vascular surgery. 

I'm fed up, mostly because I have experienced good medical care and I'm not settling for less. It's been almost a year since I first reported my foot being cold. I've had plenty of testing, but seriously, what is broken in US medical care? I'm pretty sure that in other countries I would be well past post operative care by now. My boiling water is evaporating.

Kelly

So tired of this

 So many times and so many people have hurt me in my life. I'm not saying anything physical was done to me. But emotionally? Oh yeah. 

This was supposed to be a good week, my best friend of 40 years is visiting. She happens to be my sister in law, and the mother of my niece who lives nearby. Today was a tragedy of errors mostly because the traffic was horrendous. There was a good reason why we couldn't follow the family to my great nephew's graduation, and I'll leave it at that. Once on the road my stupid phone kept malfunctioning the directions. We got lost and were not going to make it on time.  There was a cake to be picked up from my place and delivered to theirs. I can't count how many times I left and came back to my apartment today, or how many times I had to take the damned stairs. Finally my friend and I were waiting with the cake at my niece's house for them to come back. Instead I received a text from her telling me to leave her house. Essentially I was tried as guilty without a trial. 

So, I'm so damned tired of her coloring me as some kind of freaking villain. I'm tired of her hurting me with her judgement. I'm done with crying and wondering why. Doesn't she know how much I wanted to be at his graduation? If she was sitting in my back seat during that drive she would "maybe" have understood. Instead she is chauffered like a princess because she never even tried to get a driver's license. She's never gotten lost, or if so it wasn't her fault 

I left fast. I was far too angry and upset to even consider staying. I never want to be there again 

So she is like the 4th person who has cut me to the core. I still love my best friend. It's not her fault her daughter is a witch. I hope we can see each other again before we're both too old 

K

On a personal note 😷🙀

 Yep, I'm back to old lady medical woes. I'll be brief. I've had my angiogram. The results were not too good. Per my vascular doctor, you have 3 main arteries between your torso and your knee. 2 and 1/2 of my left leg arteries are occluded, or blocked, which means blood flow to my lower leg is being cut off. I'm going to need bypass surgery in my left leg. The right leg also has an occlusion but it's not as bad. 

The root cause? Smoking. I'm a long term smoker. I haven't had any respiratory problems. I wasn't aware that it could cause vascular issues. I've been told that even people who don't smoke have developed vascular disease. In their cases it's likely genetic.

So surgery is coming up. I'm seriously considering quitting smoking. It's not only a health issue, it's damned expensive for someone on a limited budget. Rent is being raised again. They've raised it every year since I moved in. I wish that there was some way to have my rent frozen. Nothing much has been done to improve my apartment other than replacing parts that were too old and worn out, ie: my stove and air conditioner. The greed never ends in today's cost of living. Everything just keeps going up and never coming down.

Kel 

Who are the Oppressors now? ✊

 Before I start my blog post, let me first say that I am fully aware that there are 2 sides to every story. What I may say here might not be what you believe. I understand that, and you as a reader should too. My blog, my opinion.

I rarely discuss world politics or events, but like the rest of the world I've been following what's happening in Israel regarding the Gaza strip and it's inhabitants. I keep waiting for Israel to stop it's attacks, and it's still not happening.

85 years ago, or longer, the Jewish people were ostracized and then murdered by the Nazis in power. It was so horrendous that till this day it's hard to comprehend the scope of how many people were systemically killed, starved, had their families torn apart. As a global conscientiousness we were shocked and horrified. ( Any holocaust deniers can just shut up, if you deny history you weren't paying attention in school.) In essence the Israelites were provided with a land of their own because of how many suffered. I'm sure that there was more to it politically, but that's what I believe.The problem is is that land has been fought over since biblical times. Every nationality claimed it as their own, Muslims and the Jews. Peace summits have been attempted many times.

That brings us to today. I don't deny that Hamas terrorists attacked, killed and kidnapped Jewish people. What I can't wrap my head around is Israel's response. 1300 Jewish people were killed. Israel has since then killed 30,000 Palestinians, including journalists, and aid workers.  The latest were 7 people who were delivering much needed food. Gaza citizens are not only homeless but are reaching a terrible level of famine. Ask me, what does that resemble?

Israel's response has far exceeded an eye for an eye. They have become the Oppressors. Military might is one thing, but they are doing what was done to them. Enough. It has to end.