Murphy's Law and Me

You know, if I could find that guy Murphy I'd blast his butt. He keeps interfering in my plans these days. The paperwork that I desperately stayed up 24 hrs to get? I was finally asleep for 2 hours when the DMV called me...right...coherency, so not going to happen. I was interrupted 3 times shortly after I closed my eyes before I could finally turn off the phone. I slept for almost 11 hrs, but don't feel like it did, and my eye circles say otherwise as well. Grave shift and my sleep cycle are not mixing well. I screw up on my days off trying to take care of business and being up while my friends are. I guess I am going to have to give in and live a solitary existence completely to keep my sleep regular, and I resent that. It is hard enough living alone, but being alone all the time really sucks.

I need a good day off, go somewhere fun, forget stuff for a while, some normalcy would be nice.

Hugs and sleep well all, I am off to work.

k

Missing Two of my Boys

When I made my Solomon's decision on which of my boys to bring with me it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I chose Gilly because of his temperment, he is usually mellow and quiet, and was not as keen on going outside as the other two. I knew that both Jasper and Raz would protest constantly about the enforced house arrest, and I did not think it fair of me to cause them so much unhappiness. Do I miss them? All the damn time. Shoot, I get weepy just typing about it.

Gilly has grown very affectionate since he became an only cat, my scratched legs can attest to that, as he climbs on and jumps off. He talks to me constantly, his meows in the past were few and far between. It used to be that he would only occasionally be a lap cat, I don't think he was ever comfortable with it. It was more common for Jasper to curl up on my lap when he tired of being outside, or was just sleepy and wanted softness and pets. Raz also was rare for lap laying, but he did love my pink robe, come to think of it, all 4 cats loved that robe, it depended on who got there first, and there were usually disgruntled looks from the other 3 if they were around.

There are days when I just ache for a Jasper hug. He was my first friend when I left home in 2002. I nursed him back to health upon adoption, and let him roam as free as I could until we finally had a place where he could safely go outside. It was a promise I made to him, for the years he spent as a outside cat stuck behind doors. He lives for the freedom to be a night hunter, but still remains a lovable cuddler. I long for his hugs.

Raz was also a rescue, I found him alone outside in an empty locked parking lot near the casino by the first barn. Too young to be without a momma, he would not have survived. He was very loud, it was hard to miss him, and he responded to my voice, though shyly ran away as I tried to catch him. A kind slot attendant on her way out helped me corral the kitten and into my car he went to his new home. When he stayed with me a week here while recovering from a bite to his paw, he and Gilly were like best pals after the first few hours. On taking him back I cried all the way to Inwood and all the way back home. I could not even look at R, the pain was that great. I sure hope that HE did not think I was crying for him. It was my giving a up piece of my heart, saying goodbye to Raz.

Why don't I have them all here? Not allowed. I was surprised that they even allow one cat, and it cost me to do that, money that I did not have to spare. Gilly is my roomie and I could not tolerate it here without him. Yes, he sheds. Yes I have to do the OCD thing and vacuum the damn curtains once a week, sweep daily. What is a little flying fur compared to life without him?

So, when I wish for a mega million win, it is for the chance to have my kids back with me, and place that they would all be together again. That is what I wish for these days.

I have sort of given up on men, they hurt your heart without a care, selfishly use and discard you. They are not worthy of that kind of pain, and I won't go through that again in this lifetime. Twice from one man was enough to last me forever. I will take a few scratches over that any day, the purrs make up for it. Unconditional love comes only with 4 legs.

I've got the sads today,

k

WANTED..A Ride..sigh

I need a lift into Winchester today. Any takers? I will pay for gas. My ride has disappeared again, and the DMV STILL does not have my title transfer. Good Grief.

" I'm sorry Officer...I am trying...here is my stack of papers for the DMV."-see foot high stack of papers.

* practicing.* hmm..not sad enough.*

" Sir, I am so very sorry, I don't normally do things like this...please?"

* still not good enough*

" Dear Kindly Sergeant Krupty, Ya gotta understand, it's just my bringing uppty that gets me out of hand....lalala"

* that will get me locked up in the pokey*

tears...sniffing..(fuming in reality) "Please sir..please?"

*argh! oh well...*

I surrender. Puts Hands out for the cuffs. Waiting for my bread and water. Bureaucracy..ya just gotta love it. And somebody please tell me why an 'electronic transfer of title' has to be mailed through the U.S. Post office?

k

Beautiful Morning

I will admit to be a night owl, and usually even when not working Grave shift, I can be found still awake in the wee hours. The hour I am leaving work in the last two weeks has been a reminder of how pretty the early mornings can be. There is usually no grogginess, not for me at that hour, my body will remind me around 1030am that it is closing in on bedtime. For years living with another night owl, I slept this part of the day away. When I worked at Geico it was definitely an Ungodly hour I had to get up at back then, and drive for 2 hours to reach work, but I did see some pretty sunrises.

It was a pleasant surprise today to not come out into the jungle heat and humidity. The air was cool, a hint of springtime to it, the sky the bluest of blues. What a wonderful reward for bearing with the 5 days of sweating at work in the unpredictable and usually not working well air conditioning, then stepping out into a sauna in the mornings. It inspired me enough to get my laundry done this morning instead of putting it off. Birdsong and open windows..ahh..Gilly is digging it too, fresh air.

My furry roomie is sleepy though, I think he has finally adapted to my schedule, lol..just in time for me to stay up, or try to. I have a lot of errands that need doing today, and crossing my fingers that I get the news from the DMV that my transfer of title is in. Then I will likely spend the rest of this beautiful day trying to not fall asleep at the local office of torture. I have called, and called, and double checked. There had better not be a reason I cannot get everything done, I am as prepared as I can be.

A trip back into work to visit the HR for things I have been putting off , my paycheck (hah!- sorry...at least I hope there is enough on it), and fitting for supervisor duds. Banking, food shopping, and DMV, not in the order. If they don't get back to me with good news, I will be forced to wait for the friendship taxi again, and I think she has other plans.

Right now, I am sitting here enjoying the gift of a cool breeze, and trying to stay awake. If I did not have to do all this I would seriously think of staying outside most of the day. What a great day to garden..sigh...Bummer..oh well. I will enjoy my open windows.

Hugs, and have a great day all.

k

A night of learning experience

Another night of good learning experiences, ending on a quiet note. I got to be the good cop to the other sup's bad cop, lol..even if he did keep asking what he did that was so mean. I could tell she was upset, and tried to help. ( was warned to not patronize..did not know that I had done that.) She left with her friends saying she liked me, and did not like him, and he really did not do anything wrong. My other walk out was with Shelly, and let me tell you, I appreciate my personal space, and someone who kept invading it was pushing it with me. I was just uncomfortable with someone who kept putting his nose 2 inches from mine to get his point across. Cultural differences I believe. Oh, and my name is now Baby. ( gee---that sounds so familiar??)

I asked if next time I could say something if someone kept that up, and was advised I could. Take one step back, if they continue to get in your face, say something. Believe me, I will. I jokingly said later that "no one gets that close to someone unless there is a kiss involved." Then of course I got razzed for it. The other walk out was a mysterious "agent", and he was going to sue. Yup. When asked what agency, the topic was dodged. Every one of these walk outs is different with different personalities: the cursers, the cryers, the why me's? the repeaters..who just keep saying the same thing over and over, and the suers. I will likely add to that list as time goes by.

Thank goodness, the next shift is my friday...wish I could say I had nothing to do but relax, but that would be fibbing. I have errands, housework, laundry..and cross my fingers, the DMV.

I am hoping tuesday will be the relax day, but not counting on it.

Have a good day all, bedtime is soon,

k

Busy night

A busy night, with lots of learning about different situations and how to handle them. I got to work a little on the report side of things as well. For a while there it seemed like the whole night would be filled with Walk outs, but things settled down around 3am. I hope I can get the paperwork side of that has been on hold completed soon, so I feel more secure about keeping the job. I think I can do the job itself, the reports should not be a problem, I have plenty of experience documenting events. And dealing with the patrons who have to leave is something that I will have to develop a style for, and take each situation as it comes when it comes to personalities. The stalemate? It is my finances that are again holding up the works. Sigh....this is getting so frustrating.

I cannot really discuss details of the events that happen at work, there is the issue of confidentiality to uphold. It's like HIPA and medical work, privacy is important. I can tell you my night started with an intoxicated patron, followed by a verbal altercation that led to other problems with how to get someone home. People will be people, no matter if they are eating in a restaurant, reporting an accident, having too much to drink, or arguing over money. The difference is that the casino has state laws that it has to abide by, that have been written for the customers protection, even if they don't appreciate how it effects them.

Just about bedtime for me, it is going on 10 am now, weird, I know. Gilly is pouting mightily, he really is not adapting to my schedule change very well. Lots of complaints when I start to suit up for work, happy greetings when I get home, and an large amount of sad cat.

I saw 3 cats last night, obviously feral. One was crossing the street as I was leaving for work. I stopped the car, he stopped, and we talked...lol..well I did and he listened. " Be careful kitty". I saw another barn cat, might be related to Raz as I was walking from the parking lot in the dark. I said hello, he stopped to listen. And lastly as I was leaving another barn cat was making his rounds. It is a busy road that runs past the casino, especially in the early mornings and evenings. I can't help it, even though they are not my cats, I worry about all animals living without a home. Especially those that look like they could use meals, it just makes me want to do more.

It also makes me a little teary, remembering furry kids that I cannot even see anymore. I cannot write and ask, since my email is trashed before opening. I really would like a Jasper hug once in a while. Gilly and I both miss the others a great deal, and it's not getting easier. Distance and time just brings sadness. The humans there I do not give a S**t about, the cats are in my heart.

Have a good one,

k

the fairy dance

Fragile petals that the wind

stirs in a fairy dance,

bright face lifted to soak in the Light.

Standing tall, each day brings new growth;

each gentle rain washes and soothes,

leaving drops that glisten,

reflecting the world, magnifying

it's tender beauty.

Nectar offered as a gift,

carried away on busy wings;

sharing life and sending forth

seeds to grow anew,

spreading the dance

to grow again

in sometimes unexpected places;

peeking out of thrown away treasures

and fissures of neglect,

their faces so bright.

A breeze coaxes forth the joy,

and fairies dance again.

k

*and what do you suppose I am describing?