Missing Two of my Boys

When I made my Solomon's decision on which of my boys to bring with me it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I chose Gilly because of his temperment, he is usually mellow and quiet, and was not as keen on going outside as the other two. I knew that both Jasper and Raz would protest constantly about the enforced house arrest, and I did not think it fair of me to cause them so much unhappiness. Do I miss them? All the damn time. Shoot, I get weepy just typing about it.

Gilly has grown very affectionate since he became an only cat, my scratched legs can attest to that, as he climbs on and jumps off. He talks to me constantly, his meows in the past were few and far between. It used to be that he would only occasionally be a lap cat, I don't think he was ever comfortable with it. It was more common for Jasper to curl up on my lap when he tired of being outside, or was just sleepy and wanted softness and pets. Raz also was rare for lap laying, but he did love my pink robe, come to think of it, all 4 cats loved that robe, it depended on who got there first, and there were usually disgruntled looks from the other 3 if they were around.

There are days when I just ache for a Jasper hug. He was my first friend when I left home in 2002. I nursed him back to health upon adoption, and let him roam as free as I could until we finally had a place where he could safely go outside. It was a promise I made to him, for the years he spent as a outside cat stuck behind doors. He lives for the freedom to be a night hunter, but still remains a lovable cuddler. I long for his hugs.

Raz was also a rescue, I found him alone outside in an empty locked parking lot near the casino by the first barn. Too young to be without a momma, he would not have survived. He was very loud, it was hard to miss him, and he responded to my voice, though shyly ran away as I tried to catch him. A kind slot attendant on her way out helped me corral the kitten and into my car he went to his new home. When he stayed with me a week here while recovering from a bite to his paw, he and Gilly were like best pals after the first few hours. On taking him back I cried all the way to Inwood and all the way back home. I could not even look at R, the pain was that great. I sure hope that HE did not think I was crying for him. It was my giving a up piece of my heart, saying goodbye to Raz.

Why don't I have them all here? Not allowed. I was surprised that they even allow one cat, and it cost me to do that, money that I did not have to spare. Gilly is my roomie and I could not tolerate it here without him. Yes, he sheds. Yes I have to do the OCD thing and vacuum the damn curtains once a week, sweep daily. What is a little flying fur compared to life without him?

So, when I wish for a mega million win, it is for the chance to have my kids back with me, and place that they would all be together again. That is what I wish for these days.

I have sort of given up on men, they hurt your heart without a care, selfishly use and discard you. They are not worthy of that kind of pain, and I won't go through that again in this lifetime. Twice from one man was enough to last me forever. I will take a few scratches over that any day, the purrs make up for it. Unconditional love comes only with 4 legs.

I've got the sads today,

k