Ridiculous Dreams

Ok, since I closed Souly I have been having damn silly dreams. Who knows, maybe it is my brain's way of saying I still have things to say there, but I am refusing to comply with the subconscious demands. I have dreamed more of the Fink this past week then I ever had. Last night was the icing.

Picture a neighborhood, older ranch style homes, big trees and all deserted.( end of the world apocalyptic) Except that there were bears living in some of them. Walking down the empty leaf strewn streets you could see them inside where windows were broken and in carports. Dream shifted, now driving in a car through arid country talking. Dream shifted again, in some Home Dept/Lowes type super store walking with the Fink and looking around. He decided he would take me to meet his new significant other. Shifted to a kitchen where a woman was making a chocolate cake that fell apart when putting it on a plate. I kept looking for this new person, and was told the older asian/african american woman making the cake was the girlfriend.(older than me) There the dream ended because I decided I had seen enough for the night. Weird? Told ya. And this is just one of the past 4 or 5 nights. Mostly the vision I had was of me being an observer with no real feelings, and he being some worried, unsure person, half freaking out. Again..don't ask why.

Freud would have a heyday...

k

5 Degrees

What a difference a few degrees make. I went from "Ahh..nice..perfect ." to

"DAMN! I'm cold! Where is my coat?!"

In the apartment where I had not yet turned on the heat..,the switch was flipped to make 65 a bit more comfortable last night. This place stays fairly moderate, and I am pinching pennies, but I do believe the open window at night time is over for a bit.

Even at work..a few degrees..and the coat stays on in Podium and Control, and the entrances are chilly. I gaze upon my last long sleeved shirt with a raised eyebrow wondering if I wear it Monday or Tuesday. If I am moving around it's not so bad. Staying in one place is quite different.

I knew winter would start raising it's icy fingers sooner or later. I was sort of hoping for the later. Layer, layer, layer..shirts and socks..Lol. Not that I am expecting Santa to leave me a single thing this year..but a piece of coal might actually come in handy.

Stay warm,

k

Ah, Saturday

Saturdays..gotta love em. For the 9-5 world it's the day you run around and try to get everything done so you can rest up on Sunday. For me? I get to run around and try to get everything done in 12 hours at work...and there always seems to be a report that keeps me longer.

Funny, when I got off the elevator at work tonight some of the swing shift officers were arriving as well. I was set on hurry my giddyup speed to spend a few moments chatting before clocking in. One of the officers said loudly:

" We have our Hot supervisor here tonight!"

My first thought that popped out was " Wait... do I look mad to you?"

He laughed and said " That's not what I meant."

"oh"

Lol... I have never thought of myself that way, ever.

So yeah, I checked the mirror a few times tonight, wondering why tonight was any different

from other nights. I did look pretty good..but hot? Hmm..matter of opinion I guess.

I appreciated the compliment.

And yeah, as I passed by him before going through the door, cutting around those in line for radios..I grinned and said "thanks...."

From 230pm till 9pm it's a lot of walking, some assisting, ID issues, patron complaints. But as the hour of 9pm approaches..the fuse is burning and the night shoots off in rapid fire radio calls for supervisors. Basically from 9-0230 I run my tail off, and so does everyone else.

At the end of my day...

When I walk in the door finally home at 3am, I am greeted with soft sleepy meow's that quickly turn to loud and indignant complaints...

"where have you been for 13 hours?!!"

"And Where pray tell is my food?"

"Ahem?!"

He is now resting quietly on my lap. Gilly Bear.

Winding down now..not much time for that on Saturdays. I sort of have to force my body to come off work mode, because running for almost 13 hours leaves me wired.

Have a good night,

k

A little Sore this morning

Yesterday was hand cuffing class for supervisors to be. Why I am sore?? I have no idea, perhaps it was the twisting of my arms behind my back and going to my knees, LOL! Or maybe it was me twisting a grown man's arm..either way I know I must have used muscles harder than they have been used for a while. I am thinking of taking a self defense class, and not for my personal life, but for work. Though that knowledge is certainly something that every woman needs.

I agree with what was taught. For something to become an unconscious action, it has to be repeated in your mind and body hundreds of times. If not for a class I cannot see me cuffing anyone hundreds of times, I am not a police officer, just a security officer on private property.

Hand cuffing is rare at work, and only used when the situation warrants it. It is far better to use your brain then get physical.

Yes I would rather hold hands with a Walk Out and be their friend rather than force anything. (and I did do that, with his girlfriend walking beside us, and he swinging our arms.) Force usually is met with violence, and that is not my style. They can call me every name in the book, but as long as we are moving towards departure it really does not matter.

But I know that I have a disadvantage from most of the men in our department. Most of them have either police or military backgrounds. My strengths lies in empathy, quiet insistence and reporting. I do not usually have to ask a man to assist me, though they are always there as a precaution, which I appreciate. For the most part males will get meaner with other men rather than with me. It's the women I have to watch out for. And some of them are real doozies.

I will wait till after the Christmas season has passed. I know that I cannot afford an expensive class. I am hoping that the one that was spoken of is still available at a reasonable cost.

'Tis the season to be jolly..grab your hand, twist it up, lock the elbow, push up towards your back... break to bend at the elbow..NOW! "Get Down!"

LOL..

kel

farewell to Souly Speaking

Have fun now..bye bye.

Souly Speaking is no more. It has been closed as a result of frankly, the wrong people

viewing it. They look for a scapegoat, a fall guy, someone to justify their reason for coming together.

That person will no longer be me. They plotted and planned and destroyed another person to get what they wanted. In my opinion, both deserve whatever fate decides to award them. I look forward to the final result of their actions. No one, who hurts another without good reason, will reap any rewards for inflicting harm. That is not God's will, that is closer to the other side, the opposite of God. For him, to gain sympathy and to push forward his replacing the fiance , many lies were told and acts of cruelty took place. For her side, believing something she knew must not be the full truth, and yet it met her needs. What did it matter to her that to attain what she wanted someone else was dealt pain and thrown away? God watches.

There is no need to question, just wait...it will come on it's own. That I have complete faith in believing in. You get what you paid for. And for non-believers? It really does not matter....fate and God are the same. If you hurt, it shall be repaid. No question, no doubt, just justice.

I mourn the passing of Souly, it was cathartic, and liberating. It allowed me to pour out grief and move beyond it to a safer place. It was something I had to let out. But towards the end it was used as an excuse ...as others viewed it they pointed fingers, twisted the facts, and said "see? that's why she is wrong." It was happening on a fairly regular basis, so time to go.

I have to say..No. No matter what excuses you lay out..they are simply (!!) excuses. You will never be able to justify your actions, ever. Nothing was ever done by me to warrant the treatment I received, ever. You will be forever guilty of aiding to the destruction of a life that only lived with you because of love. There was no ulterior motive on my part. I believed in us. I was not looking for a free ride. I loved a man, there is no crime in that. The crime came only when he grew bored and sought more. Oh what to do? I know, push her out the door, and make sure you are cruel while you do it. Leave her with a broken heart and nothing more.

It is a sad ending. One who believed, and one who did not. I am sorry that we were not to be, because it DID feel like the right thing to Me. I won't deny that he has re-invented himself yet again. It was HOW he got there that was wrong.

My run on messages are over. I am sure that will be taken with celebration. I will just patiently wait.

k

Feral Rescue Fail

What's that you say?? You saw one of the security guards in the garage, on her hands and knees, ass up calling to a cat under a van?? Yep, that was me, twice tonight I tried to find and rescue a cute marmalade kitty in the East garage at work. Yes, that was me, hunkered down peering under vehicles calling "here kitty, kitty, kitty." And yes that was me, breaking my last $5 for the week to buy turkey from the cafeteria and take it back up to the same garage. I hate it when I cannot help an animal in need.

There have been other occasions I tried to help a feral, some that will stay with me sadly in my heart forever. I've had a few small victories, Raz being one, but it's the ones I cannot help that stay with me simply because I wanted so badly to help them. It feels like a fail, though their circumstances were the same before I arrived to attempt a rescue.

~ The white kittens at the hotel that r and I were visited before we moved in together.

~The little black kitten near the Waffle House that we stopped at.

~The kitten, hit by another car, that died in my arms after I jumped out of the car in Winchester. That just broke my heart.

And others throughout my life...I don't forget them, ever.

I'm sure that if I ever have the chance to have a real home of my own again, and not limited to lease clauses, or apartment rules, that there will be more than a few rescues living with me.

And maybe someday, after God takes me home, there will be some newspaper blurb about the crazy cat lady and her 20 cats. I would never take in more than I could properly care for, that is just negligent. But all would be loved. I wish I could have helped tonight.

k

Murphy's Laughter

It was one of those days that makes you truly appreciate the good days that much more.

One thing after another went wrong...it was almost funny. I felt like I was in a Chevy Chase National Lampoon movie, or some black comedy, where disaster follows disaster and the poor main character just stands reeling in the middle of a highway, unable to move because he is boxed in by speeding cars. Yep. That kind of day.

I could almost time the next problem to arrive, as if on cue. I am not going to get into details, some of what occurred were things going wrong for other people, I don't blame them for that. But it sure sucked when I was counting on them to come through. I am going to try and believe the best about them because other wise it would make for uncomfortable times at work, and that would be even worse. Holding grudges over little things is not going to help me at all. So.. I am letting it go.

But it was not 'just' them..it was the storage facility, the truck rental, the lack of the sales person telling me the true price of things, my poor credit (as in no credit cards)..and it continued on with stupid little things like a light bulb blown out (that was just replaced) a parking space stolen when no one else has ever parked in it before, stomping screaming children upstairs from me...

see? I know that damn Murphy is sitting high above me on a cloud and laughing his ass off. Bugger.

So getting out of bed...or planning on this day for weeks..I've got to wonder...the best laid plans of mice and men...or women. I think I will re-wind this day and play it back for a movie contract.

It's gotta be worth something...days this ridiculously bad should have some sort of compensation thrown in. I'll be waiting by the mailbox for my check to arrive.

k