Back to Normal

Well, back to as normal as I can be, which I am sure someone would cast doubt on. Returning to work was uncomfortable as my body was not quite up to speed, but I did it.  The "light" duty? Bahahahah! No such beast, but I knew that too. My legs and back protested the most, but I believe that was due to enforced inactivity from being too ill.

The bills from the hospital stay are starting to roll in, and I am pondering financial assistance again. Yes, it was a pain in the ass last year after the surgery, but in the long run it saved my tail from yet another debt.
According to my pauper's paycheck I surely qualify, I have not made over $20k this year so far. I am comfortable with this now as it has become my norm. Yes, I do miss the days of bigger paychecks, as a great many of my friends do as well. Will I ever be back into the middle class arena? It's doubtful with our current economy. Unless of course I win the lottery, which is the West Virginia retirement plan.

It has been a rough month for our department at work, I was not the only one out with health issues. Here's hoping that the rest of the year goes by with no more of that. It's time for good news, and I am ready.

Hugs,
k

Where is Normalcy?

I feel I have paid my dues to the Illness fund. This is the time of year that I normally have a huge amount of energy and I am missing it. I sleep a lot, and I am eating fairly normally, though I still have to be careful not to irritate the belly. But I am so easily tuckered out, and it is frustrating me, not to mention worrying me about the speed required at work. There really is no such thing as light duty at my job. I also worrying what people will think about me being out this long. I know, not much I can do about it except hope that they never have to experience what I have just been through.

Now that I am not unconscious or running constantly for the bathroom it gives me a lot of time to think...not all of it good.

k

A first and hopefully a last

Last Wednesday was the beginning of my own personal hell. They say now that it was Salmonella poisoning, and I am not absolutely sure where I picked it up. I was deathly ill, at home and alone for 2 and 1/2 days, believing that whatever I had would be over with in 24-48 hours. My temperature was spiking to over 103 and nothing stayed in, nothing. I tried in bouts of consciousness to take in fluids, but they were leaving me in larger amounts then I was getting in. I slept, I got sick..then midday on Friday I started to worry that it was not going away, and tried asking a friend for a ride to the ER. I don't think I will ever understand why she laughed at me and did not reply. I crashed for another 2 hours and tried again, no answer.

Why did I not call 911? Because of bills from last year, the ones the insurance company did not pay much of. Instead I dangerously went to my car and drove myself, praying all the way I would not get sick in the car, and that the other drivers would not do their usual acts of idiocy on the roads.  Someone turned in front of me not a block from the apartment. Still I made it to the ER, went in and tried to explain why I was there.  First question: where is the nearest bathroom? In short order I was in a cubicle and they attempted to get a vein for IV fluids. Nothing. I was so dehydrated that the holes left by the needles did not bleed. My usually good veins were hiding. Blood was taken, specimens obtained ( and they finally got the hint I needed a potty by the bed. My white count was 50 in a place there should have been none. Admitted, diagnosis: Infectious diarrhea, unknown cause at the time. Despite being their I continued to be miserable, I could barely take in the clear liquids. Since last Wednesday I have lost 14 lbs.

I was there till Monday late afternoon when I was sent home with strict diet instructions and forcing fluids.
The diarrhea is still with me, just not in the mass volume that it had been for 5 days. My belly cramps easily, and my energy levels are very low. When the cramping starts I have little time to get to a toilet. Simple chores wear me out. The hospital doctor, Tim Divine, was pretty cool, explaining on Monday that the cultures had grown to show it had been food poisoning. He also said if I had not come in when I did I would have died. I was in Renal failure on Friday. No return to work until after Oct 1, and I have an appointment with my own physician in the afternoon.

I am stressing missing this much time from work, not only for my job security, but my paychecks, and my ability to actually handle a full shift. I have paperwork for FMLA that needs to be completed and back to Unum asap. Without it I am without of a job. Black out days and 8 days called out, I am past any sort of safety margin. I wish it had been just a 24 hour bug, I think my body could have handled that with a day or so to bounce back. This was and continues to be a struggle to come back from.

I've never had anything like this happen to me in my life, and pray to God that I never have to go through it ever again.

My dreams from 2 weeks ago of time off this fall and winter have been wiped away. I just wish and want to feel normal again.

Not ready for prime time yet,
k

clear liquids and Cooties with a Capital C

Neither Party Will Do

We all have our very own set of personal beliefs. Some of us, myself included, can be quite vocal and passionate about the issues that mean the most to us. I generally do not try to force my own beliefs on others, but right now I am standing on the side lines of "Republican/Democrat" postings and wondering "what the hell?" Do you actually think that there is a difference?

We are daily bombarded by the media with stories that are written to incite small blazes of that passion within our hearts. I get quite a bit of my news on line, and sometimes what they feel is news worthy can make my head spin and my horns pop out. They put just enough of the conflicting bullshit up to make sure that there is something for everyone to get their rants on.

Today's article that caught my eye was about how the tax cuts for the very wealthy have not been proven in over 65 years to do anything to spur our economy. Those cuts are just a bullshit way of making sure those in the upper 1% hold onto their cash while the gap widens for the 99% who have not.  I bet that story disappears quickly. I tried to share it on Facebook and it did not take. Tried to reload it and the link was busted. But I am going to try and share it here. It was not written to inflame, almost dispassionate,  but it did so just the same. In the same block of stories they presented a picture of some of the most wealthy people in America. ( Gates, Oprah, Buffett)  A few of those people I admire. Why? Because they DO believe that the wealthy have a greater responsibility to the economy and that they should have fair taxes, we all should.

So..if there is NO substantial truth in that tax cuts for the wealthy help the rest of us..then why is it continued?
That 1 % Club makes sure that it does, with campaign contributions, and the 'Ol' "You scratch my back, and I will scratch yours" mentality that is firmly embedded in our government.  Ever wonder just how many Wallstreet CEO's have their patting hands connected to members of Congress, The House of  Representatives and Presidents? Way too many, some of them close Presidential advisers, especially during the Bush years, father and son, and I do not doubt that they are also standing behind Obama and whispering in his ear as well.

I used to believe that I was a Democrat who came from a Republican home. Now I have found that am not for either party. Neither of them in reality cares about the best interests of the American people. That only shows up when they want to be re-elected.  I have never been a fan of liars.


K

Tax Cuts for the Rich Don't Spur Growth

A little step into Fall

Ugh. I am not crazy about it, but it compels me...fall cleaning. Who invented this? Today I tackled windows and curtains..and yes, they needed it. It felt like a day filled with laundry.

The windows were not open as much as I would have preferred this past summer. I flushed what seemed like enough soil to plant a garden off of my window sills today. Being on a lower level then I am used to means that dust and dirt from the wind and from mowing moved into and settled onto my window sills.
If I want the clean and clear breezes of Autumn without the extras, it meant dousing the sills. The curtains and I traveled to a local laundromat to spend a small fortune washing. (at least it was faster and more thorough than the facilities on the premises.)  You can bet..when I move from here into a house..I will do everything in my power to ensure that the laundry machines are in the house. I don't know how, but they will be.
I made a mistake in not doing all of the laundry at the local mat. I waited (due to cost) to do the regular clothes at home..then spent the evening cursing out the twit who never emptied their dryers. I did 3 drys in one machine,because the other machines sat with clothes in them.

Dust and Vac tomorrow. I did also do some work on the stove today. I don't cook near as often as I used to in my previous life, but you would not know it by how often the stove needs tidying. Maybe it's the small size of the place, but grime is more obvious to me.

My fall plants are doing well, I have had several compliments from neighbors. How quickly this year has come and gone. You better believe it, time does seems to go faster as the years float by. Summers used to last forever when I was a child. The clock moves forward faster these days.

I am hoping to spend some time with family this coming holiday season. Lol..it seems like yesterday that Thanksgiving was spent alone and Christmas was spent at work. Does anyone know a way to slow this train down?

~k

The Latest and a bit more

Updating anyone interested in what is going on at work, and small bit about my current situation.

Next up at the casino for a concert event? Finally one for the country fans...Keith Anderson. He will be performing on Friday, October 12th., most likely around 9pm. We also have 2 big race days approaching, "The Race for the Ribbon" to aid the battle against breast cancer on  Saturday September 22nd., and the West Virginia  Classic on Saturday October 22nd.

These of course promise to be very busy nights. For the past two weeks I have been an acting supervisor every day I have worked due to vacations and folks out sick. I am still enjoying it, but they did kick my butt tonight, the calls for medicals seemed non-stop.

As for my eventual transition into a full time supervisor? It's coming. I am in no serious rush. There are other changes that need to occur before I can be permanently in that spot. When the call comes I will be ready.

 For those that doubted me, poo on you. I have welcomed the challenge, and I am still learning. For the most part  this is the one job I have ever had that has not caused me to moan about it being the same old routine. I seem to be thriving according to upper management, they are happy with my work. I have to admit I was never that ambitious before, and I made choices to preserve family health over job growth. Now that I have only myself I am welcoming the challenges presented before me without worrying what was happening when I was not home.

No one should have to live with that kind of worry. It was very pain filled., an endless cycle and I am so glad to be free of it. I had wanted so badly to be able to trust the forever untrustworthy. It was never going to happen.

I have been very fortunate to have been able to win battles these past years. Some of which I had never thought I could win. I am stronger, and a great deal more confident about myself than I have ever been before.  Yes..I AM an optimist. I've done it alone and I am justifiably proud of myself for doing so. If I had taken the time to find this part of me before those lost years it is very likely they would not have happened. Maybe a couple of dates, a sad realization, then I would have moved on.  As of right now the person I trust the most is myself. And I know that the 'me' of today would not have tolerated any of what went on under an untruthful roof. I certainly deserve better than that and I continue to move forward to finding it.

If it does mean being alone? Oh well..I am ok with that too. I am quite capable of having fun without a man around. Most of them seem forever guided by their little brains.

~k