Cannot say much

I cannot say much, this is a public blog, but I sure wish things would get
better. I feel as though debt will always follow me, and staying positive
is taking all I have right now. Picture me banging my head against a figurative
wall. it does not change a thing.

Going to try and quit smoking for the 2nd time in a year. It's not
affordable, and everyone in my family wants me to quit. Emailed
the doctor for a new round of patches.

Other than that I am hanging on by my fingertips and praying that
something good will happen soon. I'm not a bad person, but I guess
that I am a bad judge of character or I would not be in this mess.

Wish me luck,

Kel

Rev' in up toward Christmas

I'm proud of myself! I am right on the time schedule for Christmas, getting things done early.
Well, it does help that no baking will be happening on my part. Diabetes sort of eliminates the sugary treats. Cards are almost ready to mail, as well as sending a few boxes out via USPS. Gifts
have been bought and are ready for wrapping.

I feel more in tune with the holiday spirit than I did last year. And all without yummies. Yes,
I do miss the cookies. But I am 27 pounds less than I was in March of 2015. I imagine that I will
indulge somewhat, but I did the same on Thanksgiving and the 2 added pounds came right back off.
New Years resolution? Actually commit to getting regular exercise..for me that means walking. It's done wonders in the past. I just miss the old dirt roads and the trees which gave you a feeling of a private walk in the woods. Lol, back in those days I walked so often that on Halloween several people in the neighborhood said "Oh! You are the walker!" (btw, not a reference to the Walking Dead.)

My anniversary date for one year with Blackstone is fast approaching as well, December 8. There is no yearly merit increase with this company. Makes me wonder why any of their employees would strive to do better. The only raise that they give out is what the union says they must pay and that is in August. Truly, they are the cheapest company I have ever worked for.

I hope to write something more before Christmas, but in case I do not, I hope that all of you can
spend Christmas with someone that you love.

Kel~*

Short Update

Things are just not right for the last few weeks. I'm finding it hard to find my happy place.
Between misunderstandings at home, and real issues at work I feel like a target.
All the over time is really starting to affect me. I feel tired and run down, and no
relief in sight.  There is something broken in a company that constantly has to ask their
employees to work extra every week, and I am completely serious in stating that I have
been doing OT since the first week I started with them. There might have been
1-2 weeks since last December that I worked just 40 hours.

The whole 'be grateful that you have a job?' I believe that is just the corporate world's
way of treating their people like slaves and getting away with it...the threat that they might take it
away from you keeps you in line. I remember how good it felt to work for an employer
that treated their employees well, (even though I got screwed in the end) the benefits
were very good. If you re treated right then OT is not something you dread. But companies
no longer care whether they treat you well or not..just be grateful.

Sadly, even with the over time I do not make enough to afford a place of my own
here in Colorado.It's very expensive to live here. So, if I sometimes bitch about moving
here being a mistake, it is not directed at my Dad or Dee. It's just that I lost something
when I became stuck, it's not their fault. I guess the old saying that happiness is not a place or
another person is true. It's within you, something you decide to be. But it's hard for me
having depression since forever in my life, and then whammies from work that just
keep coming. If I feel down trodden it's twice as hard to shake the blues.

Anyway (as Mom used to say) that's what's happening here for me. Maybe
tomorrow will be different in a positive way. No more whammies please.

K

Well! Of all things..really

  It turns out that the adware/malware was on my computer, and not on the blog. Seriously irratating stuff!
I have removed it twice now. I never really surf the web or go to untrustworthy sites. A few of my friends have had issues with their Facebook accounts. Whoever does these things just for the hell of it must be completely anti-social and malicious. What kind of enjoyment can you derive from screwing with a total stranger..that you will never know was effected by your ware?

In other news a week ago I traveled with my Dad, De up Fall River Rd and down Trail ridge, and enjoying being at the summit of one of these Rocky Mountains, approximately 11,799 feet. I took lots of pictures and even a few short videos. Planning ahead for weekends that are 'not outside' due to inclement weather, I have decided to try my hand at a You Tube video again.

I have quite a few videos on You Tube from 2008-2009 or thereabouts. I pretty much stopped when
Facebook came along, and the person inspiring me did the 'dump' Kelly thing. Though many of those videos were political in nature, I'm not heading that way again..simply entertainment.

I'm getting crunchy..really could use a real vacation, which I know will not be happening. December 8 is my anniversay date. THIS company sends you a check from your accrued hours. Essentially saying " Here's your money, No vacation for you."  I am not happy about that. But...I intend to keep that money and by damn I will get a vacation in. I've also never worked for a company that will not share your accrued sick and annual leave with you until you have been there a year. I keep jumping to worse and worse employers..which down right sucks.

So..back to the original subject..you won't get cooties on your computer from my blog. You are safe to browse and walk about the tunnels of my past.

~Kel *

I just cannot tell anymore

Considering the relationships I've had , basically 2 lengthy ones, I have NO clue when someone is flirting with me. I feel like a teenager wondering "were they flirting with me?" Yes, totally clueless.
Today, after talking about a vagrant with a Shell store manager, there was a man, pumping gas as I was, asking me how I kept my shirts so white. I felt like it was a commercial for a laundry product,
I assured him that I did nothing special. But the questions kept coming. And then he advised that he had been a cop. He asked me about my tie. Lord? I am really rusty at this stuff.I have not been in a relationship since Jan 2011. And not many before that,. I cannot tell when someone is asking for laundry hints and when they are flirting. It was bizarre,. It is unlikely that we will speak again.
Still it made me wonder.

I have sworn that I will never enter into a permanent relationship again, and I mean it. They are not worth the pain and disillusionment that you go through when they end. IF I DO date, it will be with the understanding that this maid service has closed. I can coexist..but just from my memories I can tell you that enough is not ever enough. If you sacrifice it will likely Not be acknowledged.

So..unless they are wealthy and can afford a cleaning service, I am so not going there.

Kel

Mouse rescue X2

gilly flushed the mouse out, Sam caught it. I rescued the mouse. Sam caught it a second time. I rescued a second time. Sam is pissed at me. Oh well. I don't want mouse vomit in my room.
Stay on the other side of the fence Mr Mouse.

The way little girls fight..and oh! the drama

   Fortunately I have long since become direct and to the point when I have an issue with someone.
I don't slink around with my nose in the air because I believe that someone slighted me in some way.
I don't ignore greetings or farewells because 'that' person dissed me. I zero in, confront and clear the air so that life can move on as usual.

There is a young girl who works at KP in the Pharmacy. I won't say her name or location. She
got her nose out of joint when I started last winter parking the security vehicle in a close and prominent position in front of the facility. I did not know it was an issue until she started parking exactly where the truck would go. And so it went on, I either parked somewhere else conspicuous or
when she was at lunch, when I normally arrive, I parked where I had been.

Now I had been informed that employees of Kaiser are supposed to park at the edges of the lot allowing members to park closer. I don't work for Kaiser, I work with them and for a different company. I believe that it is better for the facility that the security vehicle is parked during off hours where someone in the parking lot will notice, and I don't believe that I am wrong for believing so.

I guess someone said something to her when I asked who the 'gold' car belonged to. When I am posted for the evening in the building she rarely answers my "have a good night." And I feel that she is sharing her bad feelings with one of the nurses upstairs. Because my hi and have a good day was completely ignored, yet the 'girl' (yes I did say that) did speak to the person who entered after me..and then along came Miss Pissed Off.

Little girls..they are so much crueler than boys. Boys get mad, throw some punches and then are friends again in 5 minutes. Girls plot. They aim to hurt. They exclude. And it will continue until there is someone else who makes them mad.

I learned in the early stages of my marriage (of 19 years..and over now) that fighting angrily is not the way I function. I have to stop, compose and then say what I really have to say without responding with pure emotion. ( THIS does not apply to people who have deliberately hurt me..I did curse a blue streak and do not regret it.) The same goes for me approaching someone who talks behind my back. I might be warned to say nothing, but that solves nothing. The words will continue, and the damage will be done. Instead..I use assertiveness and the "I" feel and never "You did this."

It has worked well for me in the past. Poof..explanation and no more bad feelings or talk. So I will eventually approach her and give it a try. "Hey, I'm not sure what I did or said..but if I upset you then I am sorry." As simple as that. And if that does not work? Then she really is just a girl child who wants her way. And I will still say "Hello" and Have a good night." Because? I'll keep the peace but I really don't give a chit how she feels. In the interest of a happy work environment only. I think there is a princess complex there. She is beautiful on the outside, and a little girl on the inside.

~K