Sandwich Burnout and other sundry

Ugh! Granted they taste pretty good, but I have been making sandwiches now for weeks for lunch and dinner, and I am getting tired of it. So tonight (day for normal people) I set up a meatloaf and baked potato to cook when I get home. It's small, just enough for 2 meals, but a needed break. I feel like I am turning into Dagwood. What makes them tolerable is the summer tomatoes. I am hoping the local tomatoes will still be selling when Mel comes up..I know she misses them. Yesterday I stopped and bought a few, I usually eat 3 in a week, and also some yellow delicious apples. They smelled so good I could not help it.

All the pain meds are playing havoc with my body, but it is better than the alternative. Some of you out there know full well what gallstones feel like, or something similar. Once it hits there is nothing but pain, surpassing from what friends tell me, childbirth pain. After three attacks, 2 that placed me in the ER, I have had more than enough. In order to escape another costly ( and believe me, I am broke) visit, I dose myself when my body starts talking trash to me. It is getting so that I do not feel the effect of the medication other than the cessation of pain, it backs off, cloaked still there lurking with evil intent in the shadows.

Three weeks to go till surgery now. I have pre-op work yet to be done, likely next Tuesday. I've tried to find someway around the rules of PTO and FMLA, and it's a no go, so nothing is happening any sooner. Top that with bill collectors that call me now sometimes 10 times a day. I wish I could do something about it, I really do. But without the backing of the Sunshine fund at work ( and they NEVER got back to me, even after I left multiple messages) I had to move on, and the money saved on my side got spent on obvious bills instead of bankruptcy. I don't know where this will end up, certainly not anything pleasant. The stress of the constant calls is really getting to me now. I am sort of pre-freaking out if they take me to court. I cannot afford a lawyer, and I do not have the money to pay any of them squat. Top that with medical bills that are floating in daily as well, and picture me muttering opening each one. I am surprised I have hair left..pulling on it as I am.

Going to try and slip back into sleep. As usual my sleep schedule got shot to hell during what is my weekend. I really would not mind if there was some sort of compensation for working Grave, but there isn't. Hoping that someday in the future I can return to swing shift and normalcy.

Wishing all the 9-5-ers a good weekend ahead. As long as there are no call outs (hahahahah!) I might actually get to have my office time this week and wear the blue for the first time this Friday. The class needed for Table drop was yesterday at 0730...up at 530am, hence my whacked out sleep schedule. Cross your fingers for me..I was the first picked and will be the last trained..sigh..and I want to be able to celebrate my small victory with a fancy and frantic happy dance.

Hugs, love

k

PS: This year...it just keeps getting better. Small victories I can celebrate..but overall I have been F-d since January. I am trying very hard to remain upbeat. Again, I thank the person who started this ball of hell rolling along. I do not have revenge in my heart, it seems pointless, especially since in my own weird ass way I still miss him and wish he had not given up so easily.

Easy for him, hard as hell for me.