I battled it last spring with all I could summon, and was left feeling helpless in the crappy reality of it all. Between the credit debt and the back taxes I felt like a mouse in a maze that ran into walls looking for the cheese that would help 'fix' it all. I tried bankruptcy...could not afford. I tried 401 K..not vested long enough...and there is no rich Uncle or sugar daddy to borrow from. My salary would be fine if I gave up paying rent and eating. I do not live a life of luxury, I never go out anywhere, except an occasional dollar menu feast at Taco Bell. Not even purchasing clothing except from Good Will.
Now the sharp blade has returned, pushing aside my puny efforts to ignore. I must confess that it is a daily worry that I feel in becoming homeless because of my debt. I rarely speak of it anywhere except my own head, and sometimes to Mel. I stopped sharing my worry at work many months ago, it just colored my days too much to talk about. I did enough of that after the 'kicked out', it got me nowhere but the land of morose. Not a fun gal, so I stopped.
My miracle has not occurred despite wishes and prayers.
There are 2 things I have come to know from this lesson in poverty....
forget about credit, if you cannot afford the cash, you cannot afford the debt;
and secondly..putting your trust in someone that you loved can really hurt you,
no matter how much you believed you were partners in everything and to help him was to help "us". They can start anew and erase their love and responsibility in a heartbeat, leaving you holding the baggage and bills from a life spent 'together.' And they never look back or wince one time from what they helped to cause. Guilt does not follow them, everything is shiny and new.
As far as they are concerned, they never played a part in ruining anyone else's life. And I guess that justice will come from no one but God.
~k
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