Addendum to the holiday message

For more years than I can count I hosted, cooked and entertained for my family for the holidays.

This year, after being abandoned by the one person who stood by me, I am now wondering what happened to my family? The only invites I received were from people I work with (2) and I passed simply because I would have felt uncomfortable crashing 'their' family holiday. With all respect and friendship to those I work with, I was hoping that my family would remember me.

I guess I am set to pass on this holiday season. I am too broke to buy gifts, and frankly I am no longer in the mood to search for the spirit of anything regarding a family holiday. I believe I shall bake some breads, share them with others that I know are also alone this season...the elderly man, John, in the power chair that always waved and said hello to me on laundry days when it was warmer; my neighbor upstairs, hoping it will keep the peace between us and lower the volume; the elderly lady with the small but beautiful garden that sometimes said hello ; my other neighbor also alone pretty much, though I know he has friends over. And a few of my co-workers who will be working the holiday along side of me. Other than that, my shift does not allow for church time, but I shall try to find one service during my days off, and pay my respects to Christ on his birthday.

I hate feeling sorry for myself, it makes me disgusted with me. But I forgive myself this time, because it really does suck. There was one other Christmas that I spent alone, shortly after my 25 year marriage ended, and that was a ball of fun as well. I worked 12 hours and then listened to someone else's terribly spoiled children till it was time to go to bed.

I miss my Mom. If she was still with us I know where I would be without a doubt, she would not take no for an answer, nor ever forget anyone she loved during the holidays. I love you Mom, and I miss you so much.

k