The Christmas that wasn't

(please, other readers, forgive me the editing that seems to have been needed per those at  253 ford  -sorry to have broken up the blog, they needed clarification. And I Will Not Do this again.)


The only thing presently in my home that is 'Christmasy' is my small tree...and a few very cheap dollar store goodies for Gilligan.

 Yes, the 'Grinch' stole my Christmas, and despite his own words to the contrary,(last Feb/March) he IS having one himself. (not going to go there..if you don't already know, read more of the blog entries.) I am not sorry for saying that either, He did steal both years of my life and killed my finances. I Do have memories of better times that were spent together.  If he had never been serious, would it not have been the right thing to do to never have asked me to move in and marry him, multiple times? Making promises and breaking them..not something that I do.

Note to not so bright readers at 253 ford ---> Not blaming him for this part:
 There are no Christmas cookies. here,  I am working too many hours to get that done this year, and I do not need to eat them all by myself. If I can scrounge a batch up I will take them to work..  There are no Christmas cards, which cost is a factor, I will send only a few. Plus, there is No way with my holiday schedule at work to get to church this year.  I cannot even bring myself to watch holiday classics, because it opens a door to hurt that I do not want to feel, of better Christmas's. ( and if that bothers you..ford circle viewers..stop reading my blogs!)

So...if the world does Not end 12-21-2012, then I hope to really have a Christmas next year. Because this year is a wash..I am simply without funds to afford any of it..

 It does not feel in the least bit fair that for all the years I made sure Christmas happened for someone else, that I am now without means of celebrating it  now. The dumping on January 14th seems to be the gift that goes on giving, and by that I mean the debt and the memories of better times.<--again a note to brilliant 253 Ford readers.

I will say my prayers, sing a quiet 'Silent Night' and let it go, there is nothing else I can do.
I wish everyone else a Merry Christmas, I hope that you are spending it with family and loved ones,
because really the gifts are secondary, the real importance of Christmas is celebrating Christ's birth and being with those that you love. Being completely alone on a family holiday is incredibly hard on this heart.
*I did sing Silent Night..thankfully I was in my car on the way home and no one else had to listen.
k

ps: Despite my mentioning him here, I am currently on a self campaign to establish in my own mind and heart that "the Grinch" no longer exists at all.  All I want for Christmas is Amnesia.<--I believe they failed to read this part entirely.