The folks that write the horoscope for my sign..Scorpio...I gotta laugh at some of the advice I find written
(with I sure good intentions, but utter bullshit) advising me of what is to be, or what I should be doing.
Today...I was advised to "find some time alone,"( what a belly laugh/groan that one brought me) to assess my life patterns. Ummm...I think I have been doing that for over a year now. My answer came quickly and filled with self-derision...Yeah, I pick the wrong men to fall in love with. The other chuckle of course was finding time alone..that I have, with abundant left overs.
Ok, so I go back to my youth and try to figure 'why' I pick the wrong men. I guess that would likely be that I never really dated very much. The few dates I did have, and the boys that were interested were younger than me. So..when I first felt love it was for an older man. He was charming and old school, his manners that of a gentleman. (still the kicker for me) That was the first chime of the bell. With my lack of a social life, and restrictions at home, I wanted out and either on my own, or with him. Coming from an old fashioned upbringing and a Mother who did not tolerate " giving maid service with nothing in ink for protection" marriage was the only answer. Yes, I did express that I wanted to live with him. Now I realize that would have been the best way to go about it, without permanent ties. I would have quickly figured out that his life style and mine were too disparate, and ended it before the alter time could occur. Instead I made promises that I swore to keep, and did for 19 years. I did not give up on him until it was either my sanity or loss of self. When I realized that nothing would ever change, I would be a house drudge and neglected wife forever at 40 years of age, I chose a perilously poor future over well fed continual boredom.
At 40 I started over. At not quite 41 I fell hard for the opposite of what I previously had..a bad boy. So much more exciting then the humdrum life I had been living. But I failed to realize that Bad Boys don't really care about anyone but themselves, there is no 'couple.' They don't care who they hurt to make things happen for themselves. So with all my eggs in the rotten basket I had them taken and similarly smashed as he went on his merry way to get his jollies, and cheating was his way.
Ten years after the joining with said bad boy, and one year after surviving his dumping of me, I am at odds as to what sort of man would have really been the right one. A mixture of the two? Is that possible? Really, I don't know. I guess when the time is right and if the person who is the true answer to my fabled man comes along I'll find out then. Or it could be that the man who is right for me cannot be defined. I have a feeling that he is out there, but don't ask me if I have a clue where to look. I know it will NOT be online dating or chatting. There is so much blather and falseness found in those that prowl the internet. I hope that we meet in the real world and discover each other the old fashioned way..talking..dating..and slowly falling for each other. With me that would be with a great deal of caution, that last attempt was a killer.
So as for horoscopes? They will likely continue to make me laugh out loud, and sometimes as tonight, take a few moments to ponder what it actually said about me. There is nothing wrong with self diagnosis as long as it remains positive. And I am...positive about the positive and negative about the negative..Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!!
the three Stooges and I wish you a good night,
k
(with I sure good intentions, but utter bullshit) advising me of what is to be, or what I should be doing.
Today...I was advised to "find some time alone,"( what a belly laugh/groan that one brought me) to assess my life patterns. Ummm...I think I have been doing that for over a year now. My answer came quickly and filled with self-derision...Yeah, I pick the wrong men to fall in love with. The other chuckle of course was finding time alone..that I have, with abundant left overs.
Ok, so I go back to my youth and try to figure 'why' I pick the wrong men. I guess that would likely be that I never really dated very much. The few dates I did have, and the boys that were interested were younger than me. So..when I first felt love it was for an older man. He was charming and old school, his manners that of a gentleman. (still the kicker for me) That was the first chime of the bell. With my lack of a social life, and restrictions at home, I wanted out and either on my own, or with him. Coming from an old fashioned upbringing and a Mother who did not tolerate " giving maid service with nothing in ink for protection" marriage was the only answer. Yes, I did express that I wanted to live with him. Now I realize that would have been the best way to go about it, without permanent ties. I would have quickly figured out that his life style and mine were too disparate, and ended it before the alter time could occur. Instead I made promises that I swore to keep, and did for 19 years. I did not give up on him until it was either my sanity or loss of self. When I realized that nothing would ever change, I would be a house drudge and neglected wife forever at 40 years of age, I chose a perilously poor future over well fed continual boredom.
At 40 I started over. At not quite 41 I fell hard for the opposite of what I previously had..a bad boy. So much more exciting then the humdrum life I had been living. But I failed to realize that Bad Boys don't really care about anyone but themselves, there is no 'couple.' They don't care who they hurt to make things happen for themselves. So with all my eggs in the rotten basket I had them taken and similarly smashed as he went on his merry way to get his jollies, and cheating was his way.
Ten years after the joining with said bad boy, and one year after surviving his dumping of me, I am at odds as to what sort of man would have really been the right one. A mixture of the two? Is that possible? Really, I don't know. I guess when the time is right and if the person who is the true answer to my fabled man comes along I'll find out then. Or it could be that the man who is right for me cannot be defined. I have a feeling that he is out there, but don't ask me if I have a clue where to look. I know it will NOT be online dating or chatting. There is so much blather and falseness found in those that prowl the internet. I hope that we meet in the real world and discover each other the old fashioned way..talking..dating..and slowly falling for each other. With me that would be with a great deal of caution, that last attempt was a killer.
So as for horoscopes? They will likely continue to make me laugh out loud, and sometimes as tonight, take a few moments to ponder what it actually said about me. There is nothing wrong with self diagnosis as long as it remains positive. And I am...positive about the positive and negative about the negative..Nyuk Nyuk Nyuk!!
the three Stooges and I wish you a good night,
k
3 comments:
I vote you pick the rich, frail, elderly old man with one foot in the grave and the other on a slippery banana peel!
Love, Mel
LOL! Only you Mel! I almost spit out my coffee and I am still chuckling.
Hugs,
k
Hopefully, your old man will have a twin od slightly older/younger brother in the same condition that I can meet!
Glad I made you laugh...and not waste your coffee!
Love, Mel
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