Winning the battle..almost

Well, almost won, there is still work to do to wipe it all out. But painful as it was I spent time in the tax office, and dotted my 'i's and crossed my "t's". They were absolutely wonderful helping me, and I know what must have been going through their minds when I walked in with my pile of paperwork and bad news. Honestly, both Dan and Vincent in the Martinsburg office deserve medals for not making a wise crack about my filing status, and cleaning up most of my disaster. I am still waiting to hear back from Virginia, and they are NOT helpful at all. No persons to talk directly to, no local offices, no way to get confirmation they received my paperwork. Oh..if I want help I will have to drive to Richmond..at least 5 hours from here.


My levy has been reduced, and that is a huge relief for me. So tonight I celebrate with a nice meal. (my weekly -"I get real meat night" lol. ) Tonight is ham steak, baked potato, and fresh green beans. All that is missing are the bisquits, and when I am only cooking for one it seems a waste to make them, eat 2 and let the rest go stale. But..I  might and save them for breakfasts.


Less than a week till my time off. Julie is being a sweetheart and will be watching Gilly. I offered her the place for some peace and quiet if she would like to get away from her roomie. I hope she accepts...just no TV here, and I know she enjoys her TV before sleep. Hugs to everyone, wishing the norms a good weekend. I've already worked overtime this week, and more to come on Saturday. This will likely have to be my regular schedule till I get the rest of my finances in order. I have kind of gotten used to it.


Off to water my plants..ta..
K

Stubborness

Stubbornness...it must increase with age. That and speaking what is on your mind more often.
My temper seems to have grown as well. Maybe it is a good thing I am getting away for a bit.
That's all I have to say about it..and admit that it is true in my case. I'll excuse myself by saying that it has
been quite a long time since I had a real vacation. I'm a little like a pressure cooker that needs release..or KABOOM! <---icky pieces everywhere.

k 

Living on the Edge

Living on the edge of financial disaster..like so many these days..I almost feel numb. This past year has been a series of playing the paperwork game and trying to stay ahead of the giant hammer come to squash me.
I really do not know how this will end up. I do try to stay hopeful that I will survive it all. The only other option is to walk around, go to work, and live stressed out and teary, and I am not doing that. At this point (after doing all I can) I am just playing a waiting game to see where this will take me.

I am happy at my job. I like my home, and my life. But the constant struggle to defeat and overcome debt has been almost the norm since last January. That builds a sort of numbness, a 'becoming used to' feeling. Yes I do know that this time I might not be able to overcome the odds, always a possibility. If it happens I will do what I can to survive, just like all the other people stuck these days with insurmountable debt. Sometimes I feel like an observer, watching the rift between those who have, and those who have not grow larger. Realizing that what used to be the middle class is dissipating.  Those close to the higher end join the 1% and the rest of us fall into the 99% who have not.

I do wonder sometimes where this will lead us. If the dissatisfaction in the ranks of the 99% grows large enough, it might force significant change to occur. Those that have power and money live in what I believe is a dream world where their ride never ends. If the 99% decide some day that they are tired of being kept low and impotent, a call for real change may happen whether the 1% agree or not. How that will play out is anybodies guess. Revolution, whether a whisper or a sonic boom will eventually occur. You can only keep people down so long before the propaganda and campaign towards subjugation fails. When real change is called for, substantiated and needed, it does happen. There will be nothing that the major corporations and our government, that keep us low and imprisoned in debt , can do to stop it. All of it  is almost predetermined to to occur. There will be a final match that lights the fuse for change.Will I see it in my lifetime? I have not a clue, but I do not doubt that it will eventually happen.

Sorry for the run on about change, it is tied to my current status, and has a history with my past. (someone that shared thoughts like this with me, in surprisingly intellectual debates held late at night.) Since I once was and considered myself to be 'middle class' and now consider myself to have fallen, it is natural that those thoughts zip through my brain like this .I may end up being too old to do much when the time comes, but I will be cheering for real change.Somewhere along the way we failed to remain a democracy. Who runs the planet now? Major corporations. With legalize and power their fingers touch everything from our food shopping, buying needed gasoline, to how our government functions and beyond. If we still believe that our government works for us we are sadly mistaken. Go back to 2009 and the Wall street bailout. Remember who is supposed to pay for it all. Remember who used the money for a spa vacations. Remember who are the ants that run their wheels and receive a bill for working for them . For the most part we are nothing in their minds..just slave labor.

heavy thoughts tonight,
k

Once more into the fire

The frying pan was starting to be quite comfortable, but somebody tried to do a 'chef' flip of this particular omlet/pancake and I have been returned to the fire. (so now you are thinking..what the hell?!") I having been running one very small step ahead of my financial problems for a while now. Today that short distance was eliminated. The office of the West Virginia Department of Taxation, pretty much could care less if you don't have money...If anyone out there believes that it won't catch up to you, you are mistaken. I now have a levy on my wages that will make being able to survive and pay bills completely impossible. (I am sure that there are at least 2 people who will find this news to be amusing and something to celebrate. I'd like to remind them if I had not been foolishly generous with my retirement money I would not be in this position, however HE would. I regret my act of saving his ass now, believe me, I really do. It turns out that he was not worthy of my sacrifice.)

Why?? Because he has never truly appreciated the problems it has caused me, and that my life, ever since that act, has been one of pure frustration.

No one cares that the money was used to pay back taxes. No one cares that I have a check that was cashed by the Treasury Department showing that I paid his taxes with my 401 K. The only thing they care about is getting more money from me as a penalty. There is not one person from state or federal tax groups that gives a flying F--- what the money was used for. I find it all so very surreal. The Catch-22 from hell.

If nothing else I hope that at least God knows that I did something out of love. Misguided and rosy glasses in place when I did so, but yes it was out of love. It's funny, the reason I did pay it was to keep his check from being levied.  I have no idea how I am going to be able to maintain with this levy. No rich uncles, no sugar daddies, no lottery wins in sight for this gal. *Making ends meet with less than $250 a check? They are taking close to 80% of my take home.* I will continue to fight my battle as best as I can. I am already scrambling and fighting it with all my might.  I will find out if my puny efforts will meet success fairly quickly, since there is little time left to defend myself.

I'd run..but know what? There is no where to run to. So I have to stand and face it. I once joked about living out of my car..that could now end up being my reality.

Wishes for good luck and prayers will always be appreciated.

k

Blast from the past

I received a very brief message from my ex-Husband a day ago, telling me that my Gilly resembles a cat we had together when we first married, and who passed away shortly before our split. I agreed with him, Gil resembles Scooter in his tuxedo markings, but his personality is that of a lovable lug. Scooter was at her best anti-social, not really into friends, family or good behavior. He responded to my reply by reminding me that July 3 of this year we would have been married for 30 years. (we made it to 19)

Michael is a good man, and many are the times I wish that at 40 I had not had my own midlife crisis. In my own defense if he had seen me as a person and not just as a house cleaner and food cooker things might have turned out differently. My life at that time felt like a prison sentence that I would never escape from, so I asked him for some time alone. Unfortunately he never believed that I was not moving in with another man, or that another man was not the reason I was freaking out. Within days of my leaving to find space he moved someone else in to take mine. (seems like a reoccurring nightmare for me)

I have never had hard feelings for Mike, I think that he was just unable to understand what I needed at that time, and in part I do blame myself for not being able to make him understand.  I'd like to think we could still be friends it is possible, but doubtful,

My other ex?  Umm, I don't think he deserves my friendship, though at one time I did ask for that.( he showed me very clearly that he was not interested in that at all.)  Whether he admits to it or not, I have never known another human being who treated me with less respect than him. We did have some good times, but his needs out shadowed the good parts.  He cheated in his heart and in real life so many times I lost count, and wrapped it up with a million excuses why he had problems being faithful. ( later, it was of course, all my fault, never his.) That was followed by a quick shove out the door to clear room for his next.. Basically he is an egotist who despite his posts and comments is a very selfish little boy. Otherwise why would a combined budget be ripping him off if we were a couple?(last time I checked couples worked together not separately) Why did the grass always appear greener on the other side? And why if he truly had loved me was he incapable of being true? He always believed he was being deprived of something, and it was all because of me.(computers, cars,toys, and other women)  I wish sometimes that I could erase those 9 years and have different memories, but I am stuck with them till they fade away.

At least in my heart I know I am not the person he pretended I was, warping me into some sort of leech. I gave, and I gave dearly, and none of it was ever appreciated nor understood. I know now that it was all a wasted effort on my part. Dissatisfaction with me was because he is/was broken, and it was much easier to blame it all on me instead of admitting to himself that he created our problems.

Though I miss the companionship of a male in my life I am not searching nor going begging for one. I have found my pride again, and I believe if it is meant to happen it will. Otherwise I am content with my life as it is. My friends and family make my life complete.
Thus ends my mental antics for the night.

Goodnite all
k

All set..then kaput!

I was all set to lose my Thursdays for a while. Unfortunately the "Indefinite period"  lasted less than a week. So I am back to killer Saturday nights for my needed hours. Eh...no biggie, I have been doing it since I returned to Swing, and I know my help is really needed. It is nice to know I am appreciated for staying on the busiest night of the week. The calls come in rapid fire, and there are only so many supervisors to go around.

I'm longing for warmer days, and sitting in the sunshine. A little rain would not hurt either considering the amount of pollen blowing around out there, my friends and coworkers who suffer from allergies are miserable right now. I am considering a bigger project for my garden...it will mean topsoil, more mulch and some sweat. I'd like to plant around the bushes out front, but I know dang well the soil needs conditioning before I can attempt that. It will not greatly disturb the work (or lack of) of the apartment complex. What it will do is provide a healthier base for the bushes already there, and allow me to plant a few flowers in the ground instead of pots.

Still awaiting Julie and her mighty drill. My plant hangers are waiting for her arrival. I promised to make a lunch if she can get over. Problem is that she is picking up a boat load of OT trying to get moving money set up, so she can move out of where she currently is. Plus she has her Grandbaby day that keeps her busy.
I just might borrow it myself and do what is needed alone. I'm still torn between hanging flowers or ferns, I am leaning towards ferns because they don't shed colored petals that stain the concrete.

Other than the above thoughts, not a lot going on. I am enjoying my Friday of rest, after running around like a chicken on Wednesday trying to get everything done all at once. My new glasses are already on my face and there is much improvement in distance and reading. They were greatly needed and I am grateful I was able to afford them with my vision insurance.

Hugs and wishes for a great day for all,
k

Getting There

Time is fast approaching for the long anticipated trip to Colorado to see my Dad. Lol..I think a week away from my computer will be both a weird experience but also a needed one. Maybe the carpal tunnel which has been raising it's painful head will give me a reprieve. I really did not have a problem with it till about a month ago. I suspect it's a combination of work and home computer time, plus chip fills. Raising 25 lbs in a swinging motion to chest height is what triggered it. Nowadays I am doing the ambidextrous chip fill, using my left arm as much as possible, it has helped a bit.

More heavy hints on becoming a full time supervisor have been given. I am still leery of this promotion, mostly because the change will cause my checks to decrease. Strange I know that a promotion comes with less pay. I have been sending off my own evaluations with heavy hints that this practice is very backwards, and needs to be addressed. But it is obvious that the parent company would prefer we just remain grateful and work for less.

We have been losing staff, and will likely lose more to a new employer in the area that is offering better pay.
Gee..oh never mind..I better not say what I had intended. I have not looked into it yet myself, though the temptation is there. As long as gas prices keep going up I am loathe to make a change, I spend very little in gas, I can run for 3 weeks or more on a 1/2 filled tank. In today's word that saves me about $40-50 dollars a month.

I never thought I would like living in Charles Town, but I do. Nothing is very far from me, doctor, hospital, work, shopping. Where I live, behind it all, I can almost feel as though I am still country living. The neighborhood is quiet, and it's a rare thing to have trouble here. It's 30 minutes to Winchester, VA from here, and 20 minutes to Martinsburg, WV. I never hit traffic when I travel, such a change from the 95 corridor. I can leave for work and be there in 5 minutes..lol. Plus Charles Town has charm. It's not a strip mall on every corner with the same stores offered. The small businesses still have a chance, even with Walmart in town. There seems to be a civic pride still retained, with parades and town celebrations.
Inwood lacked personality (where I lived prior to being kicked out..another story) it was thrown together with no direction. The traffic there can be hideous at certain times of the day...and only because there was really no planning to the town at all.

I hope that everyone has a great week..my Friday is tomorrow, *your Tuesday* ,but since am working
Thursdays for a while my weekends will be split up.

hugs
k

Good Friday and Easter all in One

Easter has always been my favorite religious holiday. Why? Because of the Joy. Hallelujah! He has risen!
I can remember wearing an Easter dress, white gloves and a hat to church, because back then you Did dress to go the church, and everyone looked wonderful. When I was in the choir at several different churches in my youth the music was a message of Celebration,  But by far my favorite was an early service for Easter when I was about 16 when we sang "Morning has broken" by Cat Stevens.


Today I celebrated spring with a little spring cleaning . Despite the cooler temperatures I had the windows open for the fresh air. The place is clean and tidy as another work week looms near. Gilligan suffered through the dreaded" Vacuum of Death!!" by running from bedroom to living room as it pursued him.

Because the winter was so warm, I have jumped ahead on my planting. Tomatoes are already popping up in the kitchen window sill, and really, I just planted the seeds last week! There are Impatiens in the big pot out front, and I think I saw a few peeking through the soil. Except for a couple hanging plants and putting the tomato seedlings into the hanging bag I am ready for late spring and early summer.

Dinner tonight..I was in a vegetable kind of mood when I shopped on Wednesday, so 2 fresh veggies tonight, green beans (like my Mother used to make) and broccoli.(because the last couple of times tasted so good) Ham steaks with brown sugar and pineapple, and scalloped potatoes with extra cheese and fresh onion. Divided up this will be my meals for the coming week.

I kind of miss cooking for a big family meal. I hope I get another chance at that in the future. It's a good feeling to know your creations are appreciated by the 'yums' that follow. If family were here it would be a real ham, and add pineapple carrots and fresh rolls. Maybe next year, or at least I am really hoping so.

In other news, I was finally able to get some much needed new glasses. I am grateful that in spite of the barely there health insurance my vision care is quite good. Will be waiting for the call to pick them up. And if you know me, you know I am not into trendy, and it seemed the whole selection was blocky looking glasses with heavy dark frames, rectangular in shape. I am afraid I made the young girl who was selling them disappointed, but I prefer a lighter frame, and that is what I picked.

I answered the call to pick up an extra day at work as a supervisor indefinitely...so I am losing a day off week for some time to come. Why I was asked, and who will be missing is anybody's guess, they were not sharing that info. At least I know that my checks should be very good in the near future.(maybe I can save some money for a change, especially since a move will be coming up next spring.) I am still off to see my Dad in early May, that has not changed, the tickets were already purchased. I am really looking forward to that.

Yes, I will be working on Easter Sunday, but in my heart I will be singing.
Happy Easter to all,
hide some eggs for me!
k

I'm Not Dead Yet! -Good to know

I found out tonight that I am 'Not Dead Yet!" Well,,I did. I have been working at the casino for over 2.5 years now, and seriously, I have never been goo-goo eyed over any guest until tonight. We would not have met except that a member of his party had passed the point of being able to stay, and he was the designated driver.
Tall, dark and handsome? Sexy smile and Italian accent?? Oh yeah. And under my breath I may have said "what a cutie" and I believe he heard because I got a 100 watt smile in return, plus a picture taken in the elevator on the way to the vehicle.
(not sure why guests keep taking my picture..it's just plain weird, it goes along with the hugs)

I will very likely never see him again, but it was the high light of my day. I guess I fit the 'buddy-coworker model"  as I am frequently told by a few male supervisors that some woman is hot. My reply is usually.."Um..I am not gay, really Dude." But that does not seem to stop them from letting me know. Not sure why, but I  do not have a problem just being a friend...no biggie. But tonight was the first time that I ever mentioned that I found someone very attractive..I think it threw them for a loop hearing me say it out loud. And it was actually a surprise for me as well, I was beginning to think that part of me had gone kaput. Now I know otherwise, and that is sort of a relief to me. I can still get that silly grin on my face that started when I was about 16. An old boss of mine used to crack up when she saw it and knew someone cute was passing by. I thought that grin was a goner..seems not, Lol.

Will I keep my eye open for his revisit? Hell yeah, My silly grin is waiting.

hugs,
k