The circle is shrinking and down to one

I don't think I have ever felt so alone in a house full of people before.
I really wish I knew what it was that I said or did that caused me to not
be a part, a family member, and not a despised stranger., someone who they cannot
even bring themselves to say hello or goodbye to.

People that used to enjoy the sharing of our lives have locked the door.

What could I have said? What horrible thing could I done, that I do not
even remember? Surely something that Bad would have stood out?
Been some storm of a moment that was unforgettable in it's wrongness?

I lost my only comfort months ago. The only part that felt love for me,
the companion that helped heal my broken heart. It seems that I am not
allowed to bring another into my life for solace either.

Now I go to work, to a job that is unfulfilling and does not meet my needs,
and I come home to being separate and alone. Even my old friends
are disappearing slowly.

My life has not progressed, it keeps regressing to become smaller and more
hurt filled than ever. At least in the past I could see where my blunt
honesty and anger had done it's damage. Now I feel like someone stumbling around
in the dark for any kind of answer.

I used to feel loved, if not by a lover, at least by my family.

If I continue to keep moving lower where will it stop? Does my
existence on this planet mean anything anymore? Did it ever?

What a huge waste of time and space I have become. I can't even
write a happy plucky blog anymore, not for a very long time now.

It seems I cannot make a  difference for the better for anyone, but especially
for myself. Making someone smile and feel good was a
part of who I am, and it made me feel better about myself.

I guess that is something I can only share with strangers now.
Passing moments of wishing someone a good day or asking about
their welfare. Here it is ignored, and painfully at that.

 I have to hide in my room, because my presence is not appreciated
and my good wishes or intentions are not wanted. I tried to take the strain off a
few months ago, tried being more independent and not a burden. Somehow that
just made things worse. Nothing was further from my intentions.

I don't think I will ever find happy again, because I am not wanted or needed anymore,
by anyone. I am not going out to search for something to fulfill me, I am done with that,
it just makes for more hurt and more misunderstanding.

I hope my next life is better, I cannot see this one changing. The hope is there,
the ability is not.

Sorry readers. I know that everyone has their own problems and their own emotional
disasters to deal with.  I do wish happiness for you.