My Feline Friend

My muse.

My furry friend.

My Gilly Boy.

We have each other,

and right now that means a lot.

I know he misses having more in his life,

for that matter so do I.

We are both waiting for someday.

Until that time we keep each other

company.

He listens to my mutters, and I

listen to his requests...

more pets...outside?....food now!

And especially..where have YOU been??

Once in a while I hear a ghost..

a meow from my lost boys.

I swear I have heard Jasper once or twice,

but I know it is my imagination.

Or just my heart wanting his hugs again.

This has been the hardest part of letting go,

making myself stay away from them.

I feel sometimes like my children were

stolen from me.

( wait! ..I believe they were.)

And yes, I do cry for them.

Someday Gil and I will have a new home,

and he will have new brothers to hang with.

And hopefully a safe way to visit the outside.

Until then we shall share our small place,

and share a dream as well.

~K

My Perspective-Updated

This entire entry has been deleted by the author.

There may be some truth to the "reason" for his

betrayal, but I still feel in my heart that it is not the whole

reason, just part of it.

The escape was brought on by the little head, and the reasons

he gave were for someone who could not at that time deal with

horrible grief and guilt. Yes, I know that we are all human.

But I surely wish that running away had not been his answer,

or at the very least I had been given a chance.

Instead I became the cause, and I think that was unfair.

Why I was dealt such cruel coldness and deleted from his life with

razor sharpness?

Because he was hurting and I was the closest target?

That he was afraid that I might actually be able to help him?

And in doing so prevent his 'running,'

that is what I think is closer to the truth.

That will forever remain something I did not deserve.

I had, and still have a huge capacity to love.

He never truly understood me, which is evident in the misjudgment of 'me'

that occurred throughout our time together.

Funny that he began the misjudging of me after 5 years had past-

up till that point he was very much in love and happy.

After 5 years?

Just in time for boredom to stink in, and after multiple

events of his looking for other women.

That was something I would not stand for and fought to keep him faithful.

Faith..there it is again..I fought for love and he gave up on it.

It could be that the misjudgment was on purpose, for it was a building ground that

allowed a reason for someone new.

I sometimes wonder if he knows himself well at all.

Sigh...Whatever...It's over now.

Someone else's turn to fight that fight.

And despite "proclamations" of his new love,

I do believe this will happen again... eventually.

Karma will have it's day.

For me? Those days are gone, I've paid

whatever dues I owed.

And I am finished with all this wondering why.

For it is well past the time when I should have let it go.

For that I apologize, something in me demanded the truth.

Something I know now he will not even admit to himself.

He is in My Past, and not my future.

k

Rats, Rats and triple Rats.

I'm running out of time on a few things that are now sharpening their teeth and preparing to bite me in the ass. Received a 'debt' threat from an attorney over one of the accounts I owe. It is all so much I get brain fried just looking at my debt. Credit, taxes and now Medical as well.

I've also been told that the dining set that a friend took in for me to store at her place has to go.

She has been most gracious allowing it to stay as long as it has. I just don't know what I'm going to, or be able to do with it. I attempted to sell it on Craig's List last spring..what a bunch of crooks work that web site! It was a fail.

Today I placed an ad in a newspaper...I would rather had paid them in blood..$30 just for 3 days.

I'm also looking at consignment shop options. At one point I had decided I did not need the set any more..now? It's the one nice room of furniture that I own. I had hoped someday to be in a bigger place and using it again. Yes, my tastes have changed, it really is no longer my style..but it is my history, and I could never afford to purchase something close to it again.

I'm not whining, what I am is frustrated that the same problems from springtime still seem to be haunting me. I've been hoping and praying for a miracle but it does not seem to be forthcoming. I explored what options I had months ago. It would be so nice to have a clean slate..even if I am poor. You never really think about debt being a weight on your shoulders, but even if you don't fret and worry over it, it is always there in the back of your mind, preventing total relaxation and ease. It would be nice to know if I worked overtime that the extra cash could actually be used for something fun, and not a drop that disappears in the presence of interest payments.

So I am spouting the "Rats!" curse. I still have not given up on hopeful prayers and thoughts. It just seems that time is running out. Ha..if anyone has any decent suggestions..I am open for ideas.

kel

Almost Famous

I have to say that so far I am really enjoying the days that I am a Dual Rate Supervisor. It's never boring, and it stays so busy between rushing to the next problem and creating reports that it seems over with in a heartbeat. Yes, I do have a lot to learn yet. I could not be happier with my bosses, they are absolutely cool. They are teaching me in a very positive way, encouraging, supportive and stand back while you do what you have been taught.

Last night was one of the biggest horse racing nights of our year, The West Virginia Breeders Classic. Draw large crowds? Oh yeah. It was a beautiful night, cool breezes and fair weather, and it certainly reflected in the moods of most of the crowds present. I had no sooner arrived then I was already responding to possible intoxication calls, just as all the rest of the Grave shift security management crew was doing. Beverage had just finished assessing a possible candidate for me then they requested my help at one of the bars for an invalid ID.

Arriving at the bar was my first encounter with the 18 member "It's Dave's birthday!" crowd. Yep, the invalid ID was going to have to be walked out. Then it turned out that birthday boy was showing signs of too much celebration. Together with another supervisor Eric, we rounded up folks and went out to the racing apron to gather the rest. In the process of corralling the entire party for escort back to their limo, both Eric and I were dragged into the groups photo session. Not a usual happening by any means. Normally we face folks none too happy with our requests. This group was fun and cooperative, though it did take us a while to gather them all for the walk up to the parking lot. They left laughing and smiling, and that started my night out in a very positive way.

So..if Eric or I should show up on somebody's Face Book page, we claim innocence, it was the easiest and the most pleasant way to handle the situation. I've said my thanks for a great night, and hope that there will be many more to come. And the two times tonight that separate people told me that I looked very much younger than my age? Oh yeah..that brought me smiles as well. Hey it also helps that I feel a lot younger than my years. Try walking a casino floor like we do and not be in shape...physically I feel wonderful too. ( this cold WILL go away...lol!) Have a good day All.

k

The Sleepers have awakened?

In my past there were many interesting and thought provoking discussions that revolved around the sleeping masses. Sometimes these conversations were just tidbits, sometimes they lasted for hours. For the most part it was agreed that billions were sleepers, not interested in the hows or whys of what happened around them, just existing in their own little bubble world, totally oblivious to who or what was actually controlling their lives.

Suddenly the sleepers have awakened, or at least those that have are making enough noise that others are brushing the cobwebs out of their eyes and are listening for the first time. Wallstreet protests, Rome riots...surely more to come. I wonder if we have waited too long? Or perhaps this minor revolution of thought will spread?

Major corporations have been insidiously taking control of our planet for decades if not longer. It has reached a boiling point where the obvious greed and corruption are no longer hidden. 2009 and Wall Streets attitude of "Bail Us Out", even though we are already rich, was a slap in the face to people who struggle each day to just get by. The placing of Wall Street professionals as counselors to our government and Presidents is another part of the plan, and has been for over 40 years, if not longer. The Chairman of the Federal reserve has been in the past accused of fraud in the purchasing of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America., and under the table dealings with AIG, one of the companies bailed out in 2009. Then there is Congresses refusal to tax the rich, and instead place the burden on a dying middle class. They keep fighting to protect those that are already wealthy. What happened to our representation? We cannot contribute enough to their political campaigns. The highest contributors get what they pay for.

How can they not know that the anger is building? The blatant greed and the hope that most people remain sleeping would eventually completely subjugate us under a society totally dominated by Big Business. We are slipping into a feudal world again, with the rich being the Barons and Lords, and the rest of us being the slaves that support them, the middle class will disappear. Does that sound like science fiction? It's not.

Is it too late? I think that depends on how many sleepers awaken. Will we be placated and put back into our places as good little citizens of the world? I sincerely hope that people don't believe that those that are protesting are crack pots and madmen. I have always been an advocate of thinking for yourself, doing some research, and forming your own opinion. What ever we do, it would be to everyone's advantage to NOT sit in front of your TV and suck in what the media will be feeding you. Why? Because our Media is already controlled by 8 of the largest corporations in the world. They decide what to show and tell you.

Think for yourself. Make your own decisions. Don't let Big Brother win. If we do, then we will all be losers in the end. To the Protesters? Thank you for your courage. I hope that your efforts will bring positive change and awaken the sleeping masses to a new reality..one not found on a TV show or in a shopping mall. The message is : Greed is winning. If you care do something about it in a positive way. Don't become a drone for the worshipers of the Golden Calf.

I would be interested in what others have to say about this. Fill free to leave comments, all opinions are welcome, but please..keep it clean.

thoughtfully,

K

A Movie synopsis

Expendables..one of his favorite movies. Men fighting to stay young as long as they can. Yes, they still have something special. But it is kind of sad as well. Early in the movie Sylvester Stallone, remarks something to Jason S. about what women are good for..about 4 hours, then they become tedious, only good for a few moments, then they might talk to you. Ye gads!

Ok..hah. The same can be said for men. A few minutes of time then POOF! No longer viable. All petered out..pun intended. Older men hang onto their youth as long as they can. No matter who they run over to keep it, or who they run to.

Somewhere out there is a man worth keeping. One who does not see women as a short term anything, but someone who shares dreams and visions. I hope to someday be lucky enough to meet that man. I thought I had..but oops! My bad. I better keep looking. That one is still exploring his youth, and trying to find it with someone many years younger. Careful...she might someday decide that he is too old. Ironic, don't ya think?

The Movie: equals men and their weapons, trying to stay young and cool. No matter the weapon, age shall win..there is no beating it. Granted that they can still make the ol' heart go pitter patter...but if they believe that age can be discounted...more fool them, it catches us all.

k

A Sad Cat

Not too much to talk about today, Monday for me is finished, my work week has begun again.

I think I would not live so much by the start and ending of my work weeks if I had more happening in my life. It's a gray foggy morning here, small inspiration for my latest poem, but mostly it causes both Gilly and I to feel sleepy.

I'm a little worried about Gil. He seems a bit off this past week, slower, dulling fur, very dry skin, sleeping a lot. I tried some extra fat on his dinner last night, and after a bite or two he turned his nose up at it. I guess beef fat is not a favorite. I'll try tuna juice next time.

I know it has to be hard for him to go from an active life to just waiting for me to come home from work each day. I allow small excursions on the stamp sized front yard here with my supervision. He is mostly interested in gnawing the grass, a cat salad, good for dental and digestion for felines. I know that the grass is safe, lol..they do very little here other than mow it.

It may be cyclical, he has had mopey times before in his past, a few of my past cat friends did as well. Change of season and weather has something to do with it as well. I just wish there was something that I could do to brighten and cheer him up. He is very content the days I am off, but it really shows in his moods when I am working. Maybe someday we will be back in a house with a yard, and other cats to keep him company so his days are not so boring and lonely.

Until then, love and cuddles, toys and playing fetch will have to do. Have a good day everyone.

K