Argh!! Pet peeve news

 I read, and I mean that I read a lot. A new book or two a day most times.  When starting a new story you are introduced to the main characters, where they come from, what is their motivation, what they look like, it stokes our imagination. There are several things that drive me up the wall and cause me to growl and shake my head: Changing the description of a character mid story and constantly bringing up the back story throughout the tale, and also,  writing the same story over and over. 

How hard can it be to create a post it note with a character's physical description on it? When the author changes eye color repeatedly of one of their characters I blow a fuse.

When an author has to repeat back story multiple times? I feel like it's filler and they are insulting my intelligence, a sure fire way for me to stop reading their book, write a snarky review and read something else. There are also authors that write the same story multiple times simply changing the names and places. Needless to say I stop reading them, and cannot for the life of  me understand why some readers continue to follow them. After a while I fear that they are being brainwashed. I mean that while Alpha stories are great, their heroines act like spoiled children, and women do not deserve to be constantly shown to act like children, because we are not. Good grief, find something else to read before you actually believe that crap.

I realize that self publishing is an evolving genre. After being dependent on library availability and the elimination of physical bookstores, I appreciate daily the ability to peruse and download books. There are many fantastic authors I would never have been exposed to if there wasn't a Kindle unlimited for me to explore. But where there is great there must also be terrible. I rarely write a negative review, but when I do it's because they asked for it writing something that does not deserve to be in my reading list. Please write stories that are for thinking and feeling adult women. It's ok that they are vulnerable, but please not stupid, who act like they were still a pre-teen who has been spoiled their whole life.

Thanks,

Kel

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My life these days

 I currently live a surprisingly quiet life but it's not boring to me. When Covid began it's cycle of death I was still working. Thankfully I worked a one person shift where I was alone for 8 hours or more. We lost employees in July which caused the remaining 3 of us to work constantly, 24/7.  After 30 days of that hell we were let go when new building owners decided that we were no longer needed. Thus began my "hermit-tude."

Yeah, not a word, I made it up, but it is accurate.

 I requested unemployment from the state of Ohio. I had lived here for 3 years, and I have never in my life asked for assistance before. After weeks of being shot down by a really poorly designed web site, I gave up. Out of need I accessed my small IRA. 

The only places I go to are the laundromat and the food store. I do not see anyone. The last two moves were friendless, meaning I was never able to make or keep any new friends. It sucks. I have never had any problems making friends at any point in my life before leaving WV. I question if I have changed or has society changed? My answer is society.

I'm older. People assume I have friends and family with me. I do not belong to any instant attention sites on the internet. Meaning I do not do Instagram, Tik-tok, or any other "upload to the masses for recognition" web sites. I keep in touch with some old friends and family on facebook. I only post to my friends, not public, because I despise trolls. I refuse to argue with assholes. I am opinionated and I don't make everyone happy, but fight over it? I'll pass. 

I am too old to care what others think. Which is probably one of the reasons I am not a social animal. Wanna sneer at me and talk behind my back when I food shop? F-you. Most of those people are taking the first steps up the ladder of life. I am reaching the summit. They are so far below me that their opinions no longer hurt like they did when I was younger. I actually pity the fools. (intentional) Walmart shoppers are not entering beauty contests, not everyone is 21, and what the hell, have you looked in a mirror recently? If I was their level of the ladder I would run the hell away from pretend man-boys who rate women in a food store.

So, yeah. My life would be sir crazy boring to most people. I sleep when I want. Putz around cleaning small bits, make dinner when I am hungry, and spend most of my time reading and playing harmless puzzle/card games on the internet. Maybe it's self preservation. I protected myself from a terrible disease. But I also, and this is important, have come to realize that I am protecting my heart from further hurt. Frankly, it hurt bad in Colorado, I felt like I was pushing myself on people to be my friend. Begging for friendship is so not me. I've also been burnt badly, twice from people who should have been my closest friend/lovers. So it took my the better part of my life to come back to what 14 year old me knew, we are all alone. Better like yourself because other people cannot be counted on to stay true to anyone but themselves. This is my life. It's ok.

Hurrah! I am a ARC reader

 Happily I have been pre-reviewing some of my favorite authors work prior to their publishing.

Advanced Reader Copy is right up my alley. I am considering sharing my reviews with my er..ahem..audience. I know damned well that there are not many who are viewing my blog these days as there is little drama to be found, and I lead a boring life, not much to talk about. I am an avid reader, sometimes 2 books a day. I am quite happy with being a Kindle Unlimited member, it has taken the place of me traveling to (now almost nonexistent) bookstores and going orgasmic at the selections. Anywhere there were books I had to look for the next great read.

I started out my reading addiction at an early age, likely due to my mom being the same. So after absorbing the Betsy and Billy books, and the Little House series, I quickly moved onto more adult reading.  My mother subscribed to Readers Digest Condensed books. So I read whatever appealed to me. I can remember actually using a dictionary when I read Blatty's The Exorcist at 14 years of age. At 13 I discovered romance novels, Kathleen Woodwiss , The Flame and the Flower. I've read and enjoyed fantasy, romance, science fiction, historicals, biographies, and horror. I big time avoid political books, and the celebrity of the moment stories. I get enough real life reading the news. Don't get me started, you won't appreciate the rant that will ensue. 

So, if I could have a show of hands supporting a blog page of book reviews I would greatly appreciate it. I know, don't hold my breath, they will find a very blue lump of human when I don't pay my rent on time.

My own quote on reading: Reading is taking a mind vacation, it can take you anywhere your imagination can go.

Kel

12.28.20 

Update: Today I received a request to participate in book reviews from a group called Book Sirens. They post on both Goodreads and Amazon. I applied and will fill you all in on my possible new adventures. Wish me luck!

Someone to talk to

Someone to talk to.  To share ideas, dreams, conflicts, history. The thing I miss the most about the ex-asshole is the time spent just talking. It is something rare, or at least it has been for me. Do I want him back? No. But I do want someone who can spark the flames of my brain.

He does not have to be an Adonis. Be at my own age would be fine. I am not a 20 something plastic Barbie. Not looking for someone to rescue me. Sex? ummm, no, unless by some strange happenstance it was meant to be. And Not a woman. Why? Because I want challenge, and a fellow female would be agreeing with me, and frankly, I'm heterosexual, zero attraction to a fellow female. Why attraction? Lol..because  attraction does spark interaction, and not necessarily a sexual thing.

Somewhere out there is someone sitting along waiting for someone else to just talk to them. Do we have to agree? No. Will there be lively debate? God, I hope so.

To give that someone ammunition, I am a liberal. (in case my blog did not somehow pass that on)
If I had the means I would remove our freaking president of the moment by myself. Since, I do not , please understand a Trump supporter would do nothing but piss me off. So, don't go there, please.

If by some chance there is a 59+ male out there who would enjoy a lively conversation, leave me a comment. I'm not holding my breath. I am not on any dating sites. I don't socialize outside of work, so the odds are definitely not in my favor.

But I though throwing it out there couldn't hurt  Being lonely sucks.

Kel

The Ol' Lady in her shoe box

I'm comfortable. Not a dream space by far, but it could have been much worse, soooo.. yeah me.

My move was chaotic and fast moving. What does that mean you ask? It means I have pots with lids that are not the right size, Ha! It means I have no knives that are worth a quick cut. It means a lot of the decorations that were with me in West Virginia and Colorado are in a box still in my niece's garage.(I tried last week to find some things but I was melting, it was too damn hot and humid for exploring, I was drenched in minutes)

 I am not as strong as I used to be. Lifting and moving boxes in summer heat is hard work. Plus I really do have very limited space for anything here. As in unless I can grow another 2 feet taller there is no more room in the kitchen. My step ladder will not reach the top of the kitchen cabinets.I have never felt so short in my entire life!. I know a damn man designed these apartments. Half of what I saw when searching for a place to settle was the same. WHO are these people??? Giants?

I have a theory..well, it it is... a brain fart that floats around in my head since moving here. I think that Viking people settled here. I have have seen some damn tall men around Toledo. Makes me wonder...hmmm..maybe shifters? And yes, I have just confirmed that I am losing what is left of my mind. I see an older male over 6'5 and I do ask...is that the Alpha wolf? Lol..I spend way too much time reading paranormal fantasy these days, so sometimes it leaches over into my real life encountours. But seriously some of these dudes both young and older are damn tall.  One of them is likely the architect that drew up plans for a 9 foot tall  kitchen cabinet.

I am biding time at work. It sucks (just like the last 2 summers) that Security are not counted as employees of Medical Mutual. Which means no AIR. It turns off Friday night and does not come on again until Monday at 0100. Oh, and I work the weekend. There is NO air in the Security Jeep. I am required to be in the parking lot for 3 hours each Thursday and Friday. So each work week for me means sweating, and feeling nauseated at the heat. By Sunday night at midnight I am so literally sick of being there. The business is closing this location as of January 2020. After summer is over I will be back on active search for another job. Unless a miracle occurs it will be another just like this one. No one is looking for someone almost 60 in a new job. There are no higher paying jobs that want someone close to retirement age. (not that I can afford to retire, which is another Catch 22)

I find myself playing the odds game. If I retire at 65..will it give me 2 good years before I am either out of money or dead? I don't expect to be long lived. Both my mom and maternal grandmother died before 70. So I am basing my decisions on that. I have no healthcare. If things get bad then I am not afraid to move on to what comes next, meaning "out of money and in bad health? Self euthanasia. I imagine I am not alone in these thoughts. There must be millions of seniors in the same position.
These Happy Golden years...yeah. may be for our parents and grandparents, for us? Not so much.

Well, that got a bit morbid, sorry. If you spend a lot of time alone you are lost in your own thoughts. There is no one to bounce things off of. And seriously, it would upset most people to talk about planned suicide. I'd rather go before things get really bad. It seems sensible to me. I have no kids to take care of me, no spouse, no friends. No one is offering me free food, or housing. or medical care.


My life could have gone in so many different directions. But here I am. My choices were made long ago, there is no going back, unfortunately. I hope if I get a next life that I make better choices. I hope that I am surrounded by friends and family. I hope that the new me appreciates what the old me did not. I hope that I find a lover that completes me and is the guiding light in that next life.

Enough for now,
Kel

Looking for my shoe box..where could it be?

I've reviewed my posts..what a sad sack of chit I am. Seriously, I depress myself.
I'm sick of feeling this way, so I guess I need to step back and start kicking myself in the ass.

I'm in the process of looking for a shoe box to rent. A small box to call my own.
I think that I have down sized about 4 times in my moves from place to place. Looks
like it will have to happen again. My paycheck (pitiful at this point in my life) will not stretch further than shoe box size even taking a second job, which I plan to do after the move.

Argh. ARGH!! ARGH!!!!!! ( walls are trembling with my ire..Super Argher that I am.)

Ya know, being alone does suck, but it is what it is. I can make myself happy. No dishes to wash,
no one to disappoint. No asses to wipe, or kiss for that matter.

I might try my luck in writing. I'm sure my heroines will be way cooler than me. Make myself jealous. Live vicariously through their fictional lives..Hmm..I could get into some real trouble, (heh-heh-heh)

Cross your fingers I find a shoe box what someone will actually rent to me.

Then let the claustrophobia begin!! Ha! My neighbors will hate my howling..things to look forward to.

Kel

**There might be a furry friend in my future. Yea!**

The circle is shrinking and down to one

I don't think I have ever felt so alone in a house full of people before.
I really wish I knew what it was that I said or did that caused me to not
be a part, a family member, and not a despised stranger., someone who they cannot
even bring themselves to say hello or goodbye to.

People that used to enjoy the sharing of our lives have locked the door.

What could I have said? What horrible thing could I done, that I do not
even remember? Surely something that Bad would have stood out?
Been some storm of a moment that was unforgettable in it's wrongness?

I lost my only comfort months ago. The only part that felt love for me,
the companion that helped heal my broken heart. It seems that I am not
allowed to bring another into my life for solace either.

Now I go to work, to a job that is unfulfilling and does not meet my needs,
and I come home to being separate and alone. Even my old friends
are disappearing slowly.

My life has not progressed, it keeps regressing to become smaller and more
hurt filled than ever. At least in the past I could see where my blunt
honesty and anger had done it's damage. Now I feel like someone stumbling around
in the dark for any kind of answer.

I used to feel loved, if not by a lover, at least by my family.

If I continue to keep moving lower where will it stop? Does my
existence on this planet mean anything anymore? Did it ever?

What a huge waste of time and space I have become. I can't even
write a happy plucky blog anymore, not for a very long time now.

It seems I cannot make a  difference for the better for anyone, but especially
for myself. Making someone smile and feel good was a
part of who I am, and it made me feel better about myself.

I guess that is something I can only share with strangers now.
Passing moments of wishing someone a good day or asking about
their welfare. Here it is ignored, and painfully at that.

 I have to hide in my room, because my presence is not appreciated
and my good wishes or intentions are not wanted. I tried to take the strain off a
few months ago, tried being more independent and not a burden. Somehow that
just made things worse. Nothing was further from my intentions.

I don't think I will ever find happy again, because I am not wanted or needed anymore,
by anyone. I am not going out to search for something to fulfill me, I am done with that,
it just makes for more hurt and more misunderstanding.

I hope my next life is better, I cannot see this one changing. The hope is there,
the ability is not.

Sorry readers. I know that everyone has their own problems and their own emotional
disasters to deal with.  I do wish happiness for you.