Feral Rescue Fail

What's that you say?? You saw one of the security guards in the garage, on her hands and knees, ass up calling to a cat under a van?? Yep, that was me, twice tonight I tried to find and rescue a cute marmalade kitty in the East garage at work. Yes, that was me, hunkered down peering under vehicles calling "here kitty, kitty, kitty." And yes that was me, breaking my last $5 for the week to buy turkey from the cafeteria and take it back up to the same garage. I hate it when I cannot help an animal in need.

There have been other occasions I tried to help a feral, some that will stay with me sadly in my heart forever. I've had a few small victories, Raz being one, but it's the ones I cannot help that stay with me simply because I wanted so badly to help them. It feels like a fail, though their circumstances were the same before I arrived to attempt a rescue.

~ The white kittens at the hotel that r and I were visited before we moved in together.

~The little black kitten near the Waffle House that we stopped at.

~The kitten, hit by another car, that died in my arms after I jumped out of the car in Winchester. That just broke my heart.

And others throughout my life...I don't forget them, ever.

I'm sure that if I ever have the chance to have a real home of my own again, and not limited to lease clauses, or apartment rules, that there will be more than a few rescues living with me.

And maybe someday, after God takes me home, there will be some newspaper blurb about the crazy cat lady and her 20 cats. I would never take in more than I could properly care for, that is just negligent. But all would be loved. I wish I could have helped tonight.

k