You know I used to love the Holiday season, the festive decorations, the spirit shared. As a single person it has become a hard thing to get through. I miss the family being together; I miss the fellowship of the season in church. I know I could correct this by connecting with a local church, but my schedule is a hard thing to get around. I used to be a member of a choir, but my voice is not what it once was. (earplugs required)
Believe it or not, I am not bitching, just reminiscing. I do miss the Joy of Christmas past. I have not been able to afford to give for several years, and that was a thing that always made me happy, seeing the joy in another s face,.I miss having gatherings that brought us all together, disparate though we might have been, somehow it worked out, mixing two families and making it work.
I look forward to a future where this can happen once again. I don't care if the family is mine or not, it's the joy of sharing that draws me. I tried after my marriage broke up, and every year it felt wrong. My Mother passing shortly after the holidays after She herself tried to bring things together. My trying to bring joy to a person who celebrated depression instead of the holidays. It was almost as though that was what he wanted it to be. And finally alone, wondering if this is what was my due for ending a marriage and starting a failed relationship.
I won't give up. I refuse to. I know that the Joy of the Season can be mine again. I know that I can feel peace and fellowship again. It's only a matter of time and circumstance.
I watched a movie tonight, shortly after I had made the decision to Not decorate for the holiday. That movie changed my mind. I sat sniffling and realizing that only I can make the decision that shapes this season for me. If I forgo the celebration I know how much I will miss it. So I will pull out the little tree and light it each night when I return from work. It won't bring me people to share my holiday, but it will be a beacon for my own soul.
Don't take for granted the gift of sharing the season with your family. There won't be a chance to bring it back if you pass it by. Relax, breathe in, watch and participate. It's all over so fast and who knows when it will come again.
Believe.
K
Believe it or not, I am not bitching, just reminiscing. I do miss the Joy of Christmas past. I have not been able to afford to give for several years, and that was a thing that always made me happy, seeing the joy in another s face,.I miss having gatherings that brought us all together, disparate though we might have been, somehow it worked out, mixing two families and making it work.
I look forward to a future where this can happen once again. I don't care if the family is mine or not, it's the joy of sharing that draws me. I tried after my marriage broke up, and every year it felt wrong. My Mother passing shortly after the holidays after She herself tried to bring things together. My trying to bring joy to a person who celebrated depression instead of the holidays. It was almost as though that was what he wanted it to be. And finally alone, wondering if this is what was my due for ending a marriage and starting a failed relationship.
I won't give up. I refuse to. I know that the Joy of the Season can be mine again. I know that I can feel peace and fellowship again. It's only a matter of time and circumstance.
I watched a movie tonight, shortly after I had made the decision to Not decorate for the holiday. That movie changed my mind. I sat sniffling and realizing that only I can make the decision that shapes this season for me. If I forgo the celebration I know how much I will miss it. So I will pull out the little tree and light it each night when I return from work. It won't bring me people to share my holiday, but it will be a beacon for my own soul.
Don't take for granted the gift of sharing the season with your family. There won't be a chance to bring it back if you pass it by. Relax, breathe in, watch and participate. It's all over so fast and who knows when it will come again.
Believe.
K
1 comment:
Just know that you are not alone in how the holidays, especially Christmas, make you feel.
Love, Mel
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