The end to the drama-tossed cabbage at the actor

At last, I'm Closing Souly Speaking...finally. I said my last bit, and have nothing more to add. It has moved past venting and entered repetitive mode. So now I plan to be an audience member only, and I come armed with rotten fruit and veggies....winding up my pitching arm. (the male lead is a atrocious actor.) Just kidding...-oh! Not that he is a good actor, but I'm planning on non-participation, despite pleasant day dreams.

Being accused (yet again) of negativity, in the past, when I am trying as hard as I can to move on, that was one straw I grow tired of fishing out and throwing away. ( see my 2nd to the last entry in Souly) That little piece of history started long ago, on a confrontation regarding..guess what?? Yes, you got it! Cheating. What an excellent reason to be unfaithful, you don't smile enough!

" Why can't you be sunny when I am always moody and talking to other women?"

And continue to use the same crappy excuse for years. Why? Because he struck a nerve and it worked. ( see Mind manipulation.) So he continued to use it. What an excellent weapon/argument. I believe I shall use it...again! -yes, SARCASM.

Once my faults were all laid out before me ( by his ex and N) , and I had said my last piece, the desire to defend myself or rage at him any longer disappeared. I have other more pressing issues to deal with in my life. In some ways she was absolutely right. I did fail. I backed out of my own personal beliefs for a chance at love. And seriously, He really is not worth it. ( And the classy ending at the Walmart? That came complete with a rant on why I did not pick up his prescription...while he was cheating on me and planning to dump me. What a A+ kind of guy.)

So, an apology, belated, goes to her.

I have to say though, I started that relationship believing that he was an upright kind of guy. Even after learning he was still married, I reasoned since 6 months had past that their relationship was over. I did not move in until my own divorce was final. I had no clue that neither one of them would do the right thing and end it, and not take 9 years to do so. Ron and I, with his Father's help again, tried to get it done in the "summer of hell." But the attorney died, the air conditioner and frig died the car died, and he had to have emergency surgery. There went the funds.

His paychecks were not stretching far enough to pay for back support, so..dumb ol' me helped, as much as I could, along with his Father. I gently pressed him to straighten things out, which he was trying to do on his own, when not avoiding. I tried to help fix the situation, not ignore it. If I could have afforded to pay for the divorce( Again, Duh to me) I would have likely done that too. But...I decided that if "They" really wanted it, it was their responsibility, not mine.

The one good thing out of all of this is that "I" do not have to play the divorce game, been there and done that. The bad thing...my gullibility when I paid for ANY of his debts. I wanted a decent lifestyle, and he had said many times he could live with less and had. We did not live high on the hog by a long shot. But it always seemed someone was coming after him for a bill owed, or car problems, accidents, and it was a struggle to pay them, so I did as much as I could.

Now I find myself in that position x 10,000. And despite his message of
"She had debt when she met me." No, I did not. Maybe $1000, on one card. Nothing that could not have been paid off.

I am paying for my stupidity now, for believing in the wrong person. For sharing when I should not have. For coming to WV when I should have stayed in Fredericksburg, no matter that it did not come with country views and a porch with rocking chairs, as in a dream we shared. (It also did not come with a lover who does not know what faithful means.) For not believing in myself more and remaining true to me. I am, at the very least, one of the most honest persons who ever touched his life. (besides his parents) The only person I ever lied to was me, never him. Wish I had been that lucky.

Stop feeding his ego..if there was ever anyone who did not deserve women bickering over him, it is most definitely him. He wants peace and quiet to play house with the baby, let him. I think life will deal with them without our help, after all they asked for it, both of them. Karma to the rescue. (That and baby Daddy and the rest of her family) You cannot hide a wrong forever, I am just saying not doing.

So have a life you all. Rebuilding mine will take time. Sorry, as I said, no good luck wishes for him and the no name- baby- mother of the year- in hiding. They built their straw house together, and it's going to be a dry year.

Good Luck to his ex, I hope she can move on and finally forget him as well, for your own sanity, you need to. And Good luck to N, who always meant well. We could have been friends, I think, if life had not taken the turns it did. I almost sent you "Bonnie Jean" the other day.

I truly do Not want to post, talk, vent, or go over anything to do with Ron again.

He is not worth it, in anyway.

Anyone unlucky enough to fall for his crap, will get the same as I did.

That part of my life is over. This blog was meant for better things.

kel

And to my loyal cheerleaders? Don't you go disappearing..lol..hugs to you both.