It has not made the news yet..updated 12-19-11

It has not made the news yet, and I have been anxiously waiting to hear all about it! That plan, you know the one that You said I was holding You back from accomplishing? The great success story that shows everyone how wonderful You really are? Well has it? You know, the mid-life thingie that people go through, as they mull over what they have not done, and how little they have to show for being on the planet..wait..that is a man's 'excuse' for a midlife crisis. Ok..how about the grand design for ownership of something exclusively yours? That leap that my body somehow blocked you from reaching, and I somehow did not support. ( or was that I could not pay for it? I forget...well, I certainly hope you found a rich one to help you then.) Or was it Your mark on humanity, the idea that would save the planet and enlighten the masses?

Ok, that was my sarcasm after a long night and a dreadful week of no accomplishment against MY financial monster. I will apologize for being snide, but after all these months, that argument You made when I asked "Why?" still bugs the crap out of me. You went on and on with your reasons, never realizing that as I sat there I was thinking " Bullshit." I went from being hurt to feeling pissed off that you would really believe I would buy any of it.

There was never a moment I did not stand behind you, whatever dreams you had. You have to realize that dreams sometimes have limitations in real life, usually because of the almighty dollar and lack of it. Did you want a brainless cheerleader? ( hmm..you might have found that) Never having been a fan of rah-rah's, I fail to see how someone with pom-poms can win the game if there is no strength or drive in the quarterback.. The quiet and unfailing support of a fan sometimes makes much more of difference. They are there, good games and bad games. Their presence means someone cares if you win or lose. They don't stop coming because of failure. And they support you even if you don't carry home the trophy. They don't change teams because the other side has a handsome quarterback, or a flashier image. They don't hang out with the team because it is a step up, something that makes them look better, or as an escape.

So, yes. I'd like to know if that argument was just so much hot air being released, or depression left from your Father's passing. Is it still a reason why when it was unsubstantiated and was not true? (Me- the roadblock to Your winning everything) Or was the real reason the boredom that follows you and your consistent answer to fixing that problem? Maybe there is something more constructive you can do that will bring a larger sense of peace, and a better feeling about yourself. And yes, I know you are smart enough to give a hundred reasons, but the real one is the hardest to admit, and that one was something You never really said in your litany of reasons. I know true when I hear it.

**By the way, this is not a plea for reinstatement, nor is it a whine, or a rant. It is simply a request for honesty, an answer to a question that was never really answered. Your reasons did not ring true, and part of me just wants to know the truth, or that you ever admitted it to yourself.**

the old fan from the bleachers, (popcorn stuck to the bottom of my shoes)

k
************************
12/19/2011-- trading one life for another because of either boredom or fear is NOT what you were claiming I kept you from. It was the grandiose dreams of being famous/rich/or another Gandhi. If relationships were socks, you'd wear them just long enough to develop holes that You had worn through and then traded in for another used pair, believing you were starting something new.  Your silent remarks by picking a particular blog I wrote to make some sort of point are really quite silly.
I no longer have a smidgen of respect for you . When you set out to hurt me as much as you possibly could to attain your next step, your next 'want', you killed it. There was No reason for your treatment of me that can be justified. All I ever gave you was love, patience, friendship, and tried to provide you a better life than where you previously had been.   Whatever lies you told to achieve your end results will be the fuse that is lit when karma comes rolling along.
k