Thoughts about the future

It's sort of funny...I have never been someone who strives at work to move up the chain. In my past I was always standing behind someone else and encouraging them. That might have been left over advice from my mother on how to be the 'good little woman,' Or as she put it "the corporate wife." Though I know she meant well, it was old fashioned and not really a woman's place in this world today.

I will say it is Not because I was not encouraged by my partners, (well, one did, the other sort was stuck in the 1950's.) But for some reason that part of me remained 'June Cleaver-esque.' And definitely at odds with who I am..so why did that stick with me?? hell..I don't know! (There are still times that I cannot figure me out at all.) Her advice was from the heart, and she always meant well and hey, she was my Mom...a lot of what she did advise me on was good advice. ( after the nagging was over with...LOL)

It's not that I do not work hard, I always have. No matter the job I give it my everything, even past jobs that were very frustrating. But I really never had the bug to move up. I did take a chance once before, but in the end turned down a promotion because I wanted quality of life at home over a career, and yes, sometimes I regret that, but it's water under the bridge, already passed by. As for now I believe that some of my increased joy at work lately is because I am:

1. Having fun learning something new

2. Happy that my work ethic has finally paid off

3. Feeling that if I keep at it I can go further.

4. And liking the people I work with..they are all super folks.

Yep, I am still only a Dual Rate, but so digging it. I am soon to return to Swing where I am needed, they are down to one Dual Rate supervisor, and she happens to be a friend of mine. But there is constant flux at this job, someone is always moving up, sideways, etc. If I keep on my current path I might make supervisor before another 6 months to a year goes by. My only concern is that there is an imbalance in the pay scale...an hourly DR makes better money than a salaried supervisor, and it needs to be addressed. Hopefully they will look at this and make some changes.

I received a very nice compliment in some gentle begging to not leave Grave shift tonight. I was told they liked me, they appreciated what a hard worker and hustler I was, and did not want to lose me. ( I also do not whine..and that is important.) I thanked them sincerely, but my reasons for wanting the move was for a chance at a personal life beyond work. I told them I loved them all, they were great to work with, and I meant it. I would not be doing nearly so well without the guidance and training and friendship that they all share with me.

So..I guess the career moves I have made are paying off, increasing my drive to succeed and have fun doing it, it shows in my work. I am not afraid to open my mouth if I think there is a problem, they know that about me as well, and it has not hurt me so far as I remain diplomatic and not too pushy.

Oh..a side note.. Face Book..our focus today was about saying the wrong things there..corporate is watching..( just like Geico and the web site that was used to complain about work.) They said personal life notes are fine, but nothing negative about work. Hmmm..the only thing I post on face book as of late are war messages.." I need able bodied killers in my War!"....LOL. I wonder if that is ever mistaken for me being blood thirsty! I am after all "A Killer Kat." Hey..ya gotta have fun somewhere when you work all night and sleep all day.

Hugs..

k

P.J. Time and a closing note

Yup, another fine Saturday night/Sunday morning has reached completion, and the ol' pajamas feel pretty good. I really am enjoying this job and all it's myriad challenges. The snow slowed us a bit but they'll all be back tomorrow, lol. Not much more to add about my day at work, wishing everyone else a good day while I sleep.

I had to answer a comment that I received before work and left till now because I wanted to work with a clear head and a smile. I suspected that reading it would stay with me a while. It very likely will, but I will abide by the wishes that were expressed. The only reason I mentioned you here right now was for an explanation of why you were brought up in the first place, in response to someone else's comment about our relationship that was addressed to me. So in a sense, I am damned if I do answer, and damned if I don't. I chose to answer, if nothing else than to set my side straight.

**note this part is for r and baby ho-as she signed herself:

One small note..I did post a comment that I had decided to not put here, simply because it explained a 'why' to someone else, and not for the sender's satisfaction. As far as I am concerned it's still not there.

But really...you had to dig to find something to blast me with. It seems to be your primary weapon..that you were able to be a mother and I was not. That was something beyond my control and from my past, so I know who provided you the ammunition . It was Not something I did wrong, is was how God made me, something deeply painful that I fought for 17 years to achieve. Have you ever spent years crying each month because your period came again? Nothing I tried helped, except to completely destroy my uterus trying to get pregnant. So, Thanks ron, take your bow. You the man. Walk around and puff out your chest. And by the way...despite your efforts to hurt..I accepted the fact that it was not my destiny long ago.

As for not being a good mom when I had the opportunity with someone else..I did not think it was my place, and I did not feel my acting as one would have been welcome by either party at that time. I was the interloper, and I do remember the anger present at our first meeting. It was sort of like walking a wire, never being sure what my place should be. She was almost grown, not a child, and she was hurting, and wanted her independence badly. And yes, being confused about which role I was supposed to play did effect my relationship with that person. To her, and Not to either of you, I do express my sincere apologies and very much understand why she would prefer it to not go further. At her request this is the last time I will mention her in a blog.

So I was Reaching for straws? as you put it..so did you. Your soapbox can be found on another blog site. This one is mine. If another comment comes through from you it will be deleted, I really don't care if you get whiplash driving by to look. Neither of you deserve my respect. I have not posted on 'his' blog' in quite some time, and several weeks ago I stopped following it completely. He can resume bragging about how wonderful his 'new' life is...it will never change the way he went about getting it. And THAT is my issue, and will remain so.

k

~* I suggest you take some time to examine yourself before casting stones.

~* It is obvious that you do not understand what morality means. That is something you share, living by example...thinking that it is ok to have done what you both did, shows that you do not know, or do not care what your actions say about you or teach .

Wacky Winter Weather

In October...I cannot remember (other than Ohio near Erie) ever living anywhere when the first snow came so early. It's almost bizarre, surreal, but we are supposed to get anywhere from 4-10 inches of the wet cold stuff. I am appreciating that I live a short mile to work now. Driving down 51 was at times a nightmare, depending on which county did or did not feel like plowing.

In other news, my horoscope made me laugh for a bit...so very Not me.

Take a look inside your closet today, and count the items you never wear. Then see how many of those unwearable pieces of clothing were impulse purchases. And then keep all those closet-bound outfits in mind when you see something that you just 'have to have' at the mall. Think about all the money you'd have now if you had resisted spending it on trendy items that went out of style way too soon.

I gave the Good Will almost all of my clothes that had been accumulated over 12 years or longer.( when I had to move.) I have absolutely Nothing trendy in my closet.( and nothing stored anywhere else..just one small closet) I cannot afford to shop, and cannot remember the last time I bought clothes for myself at a mall...could have been around Michelle's wedding, but I think that's it. I don't like the newer styles, maybe old fartdom in action, but really they do not look good on me, classic styles do. And let's face it, they are charging more for things and using less material to make them..hold up an old t-shirt and a new one, you can see your hand through the new one. It will last at best a few months of wear..where as the old one keeps on ticking.

My last clothes purchase was at Good Will. I spent 6 dollars and bought one sweater and one shirt. Lol..and my manager tried to buy my $3 dollar shirt for $50,I would have sold it to her, but the shirt was too small across her shoulders.

Work was interesting but fast last night, short on the crew, so double duty as Podium and Control and Dual Rate Supervisor, and winding up on the Slot Pull from 430a-7a. Had a new report for me, Alleged Theft, and one cooperative walk out..boy he was really out there.

I am hoping I see more action tonight..I think I becoming addicted to it, because I enjoy it so much. Found my niche at last? I am not sure, but I hope so. It sure is nice to go to work looking forward to it. If the snow does not keep folks away it should be a good night. (that includes employees..sigh)

Catch ya later..

k

Simply...stay out

Umm..to whom it may concern. My life is my life. Starting a 'new life' or not, is my business. I do not dance to commands from others that have done nothing worthy of being included in it. My blog is also "My" blog. Unless I am spilling obscenities every other word or writing adult oriented fiction, the subject matter should Not make a difference to anyone else. It does not threaten or harm anyone, especially if they should wise up and not read it. Seriously, it is that simple.

If I chose to remain at times bitter, again my business. If I chose to vent..my business.

If I want to be sarcastic or silly it's my right. Freedom of Speech, including Freedom of the Press, look it up. It's quite easy to censure simply by not visiting any of my blogs.

If I wish to write truths that are uncomfortable to you because they paint a clear picture of what happened in my life..too..damn..bad. If you chose to blind yourself to what could be true simply because it might happen to you, ( and you don't want to know) then I refer back to the "not too bright" remark I made a long time ago. Selected to not ask questions, just defend..you clearly only see one side of the story that was 9 years in the making and no concept to what I feel or felt at all. Great you have love..sorry honey so did I.

And the whole motherhood thing you keep tossing around like it deserves some sort of award or sainthood? Get real. It does Not necessarily make You a nice person because you can give birth.

Human physiology..reproductive organs..an egg and sperm..that made you a mother. It does not make you better than someone who could not.

Stay out..it's simple enough that you should understand.

In the Air

Change is in the air. Just what it will be I'll have to wait and find out. I had my review last night, commendable all around. ( I am anal enough to want outstanding though, lol-just like those A's in school.) But it is better than satisfactory. Time will tell. Should find out in the next couple of days. I am happy being a Dual Rate supervisor, and have no idea if they plan on moving me to full time supervisor or not, I have not been privy to their plans for me, nor do I want to presume knowledge I do not yet have. I was told by one other DR that they had plans to make him Management...really not sure how that would be, since the day he told me that he was 2.5 hours late for work.

Very Interesting. (but stupid! lol..as Artie would say..Laugh In days. Again, if you don't get it, you are not old enough...yet.)

I have no giant ambitious plans. I just want a job with challenges that makes me happy and pays my bills. So far I have been enjoying the position a great deal. Would I like being a full time supervisor? Probably, but it is a salary position, and they have yet to fix the imbalance; that is the fact that a DR working hourly makes better money than a supervisor on salary. I have suggested several time that they try to work on that. It's hard to move UP when your salary would actually move DOWN.

That's all that is on my mind today. Hugs and a good day to all.

kel

Happy Halloween!!

My weekend is over, and work is just hours away now. I shall be off to greet the scary little monsters that come to my door this year, but I hesitate to say just how awake I will be. Getting off work at 7am and then trying to stay up for the little ones will be a challenge. I enjoy it though, and the past several years I have been stuck at work and have missed sharing their spooky little selves. I won't hang out and wait for the older kids, because I do believe that the holiday ( as we have made it to be in America) is for younger children, the Trick -or-Treating part that is. I have been incredulous in the past at my own nieces going out and trick-or-treating at the ripe age of 18. My mother cut me off at 12, and I became an escort for my younger brothers.

While I lived in Maryland I would frequently walk my young (at the time) nieces around the blocks, down dark dirt roads, and tall menacing trees. Drive them? Hell No. Part of the fun is the walking, and seeing how other folks decorated. And when you are tired, you go home. The sugar rush to follow needs exercise before hand. Plus how can you be properly scared and and excited if someone is your chauffeur? The best Halloween nights are colder, windy, and very dark. Get your kids out of the car and let them properly celebrate.

I am sharing here, and I have already shared on Facebook, my Halloween video made 3 years ago. Please feel free to watch it and get into the 'spirit' of the holiday. (and please disregard the dedication, I cannot go back and edit that out unfortunately, the actual movie edit is no longer on my computer. So yeah..not dedicating to a past love.)

I can bet my weekend will be filled with Adults celebrating without candy and with alcohol...should be interesting. I have always wanted to walk a vampire or witch out for bad behavior, hahaha!

Frightfully Yours,

k

Video link below:

http://youtu.be/RZboUOumXuQ

A Little Fall...

Not much happening or going to happen this my weekend off. The usual chores, plus some light Fall housecleaning. I usually try to tackle something before it becomes an issue with me, so there is not too much to do. I've reserved a couple of movies, which I will watch on my lonesome, one I have waited awhile to come to redbox, which the rest of the world has already seen.

My sleep schedule is of course all messed up as per my typical grave shift on and days off mode. Slept from 2pm till 1230 am. I will try to stay up as long as my eyelids can stay open today.

Shopping and all planned for morning attack, lol. And perhaps baking up some Pumpkin bread to share with my co-workers. Desserts kept at home usually go to waste, I rarely have them more than twice, and usually only once. Wasteful..'tsk..tsk'. ..the response of my cravings typically end up in the garbage can. ( but at least not on my ass..hah-hah!)

Wishing the rest you a good work week ..

k

Totally Digging It!

Ok, I know that title pretty much gives away my generation, lol..but it is the truth. I am really getting a fun kick out of being a Dual Rate Supervisor...my supervisor days are currently weekend days, when just about everything is happening. From intoxicated patrons, to medicals, and suspicious objects, busy work..and damnit..for the first time ever, FUN work! ( gee- that only took a little over 30 years to find, lol!)

I barely get a break during my shifts, but since I am not standing around being bored it is easily overlooked. (the 'tops' of my feet are sore tonight with the amount of walking I did.) I had 2 reports and 4 walk outs for intoxication, plus other duties: ID issues, Responsible Gaming, etc. When I worked for Geico I was in a call center that took accident reports and miscellaneous calls about claims. It was interesting, but you were Not there with the customer, plus management had No sense of humor, at all. I laughed so hard tonight, with my co-workers, other sups and managers, that it made other work seem like..well..work! Everyone does their part, and all of us are running all night, but I am digging the mental challenge as well as the physical aspect of the job. And working with the public face to face is very different from phone calls.

We are not always the bad guys, we assist patrons who need help as well. Tonight after finishing a walk out I passed a Hispanic couple with something obviously wrong, she was crying and he looked lost. My Spanish is next to nil, but I fortunately found another patron leaving who helped translate for me...they had been looking for their car for 3 hours. I had mobile come around to drive them, but in the process the male slipped away looking on foot, and the female knew no English at all. Finally...we met up at the front entrance and I got to use a new phone app, a translator that I had downloaded. I told her to call him, she understood, then I advised him what was going to happen after they got into the vehicle to find their car. After over an hour of looking they found their truck. This sort of thing happens quite often. People are so excited about getting to the casino that they pay No attention to where they parked, or what they saw when they first got there.

All in all, I am a happy camper with this new position. I was made to write reports, accuracy and speed and I am finished. It's the little details that pertain to the different kinds of reports that I have to learn still. I wish I could do the Dual rate more frequently than 2 days a week, but I do not believe that is in their plans, budgets ya know. Becoming a full time supervisor I would lose the hourly pay and any overtime that I might get, but it is the next logical step.

Tomorrow is a guard day...sigh..my Friday, and standing post (other than the singing and dancing I mentioned in an earlier blog) is boring. But I will get through it..and wait for my next day in the blue.

Hugs to all,

kel

(hey Mel..the rest of my ass? ummm..on it's way out.)

Tonight's Thoughts

~Everyone gets older, it is a natural fact of life. There is no running from it, or fixing it. (though I have seen some truly horrible attempts from Hollywood people! Who wants to look like a warped cartoon??)

~When we lie to others we lie to ourselves. It is an endless sharp tooth in the butt reality.

~True friends and lovers would not use you as a means to an end. It is their steadfastness and unselfish sharing that makes them a treasure.

~ Faith will see you through terrible times, because it provides us with a hand of guidance. To know that this life is just a beginning, and death is the next step we can take without fear, is a gift. It is the living that would deny someone peace. We are left with anger and hurt that they were taken from us. If you believe in the after life, you know that they are someplace where pain is no more, and they await to hold you once again. I don't know why, but I have always been certain of this, even after losing a parent, 3 beloved grandparents, a brother, and friends. All were beautiful people, and yes the world is less without them here. But I don't doubt that they await me; it's a feeling that I carry in my soul that they are watching over me till my time comes as well. And I do wish that certainty for everyone I know, it will bring you peace as well.

~And finally the expression "excuses are like assholes, everybody has them and they all stink?" Is a true statement. There are always excuses that we can make to 'clear' ourselves from being wrong for the things we do. I've made them, and I know others that regularly do so. None of the excuses given can change a truth. So why make them? Because mistakenly we believe that the truth will damn us in someone else's eyes. Honesty can sometimes be hard work, but it does leave you clean in spirit and soul.

Have a good night, time to get ready for work.

k

This Year in a Nutshell

In about 14 days I will put another notch on the calender that has been my life so far.

To say that the day has it's share of memories would be an understatement. This year that is winding to a close had some of the highest peaks and the lowest of lows in my entire life, starting with? You guessed it, my last birthday. If you have followed this blog, or are friends/family, then you know what I am talking about, a marriage proposal followed by 2 months of the worst moments of my entire life after I was dumped by the proposer.

There have been other peaks, though none so high. I survived, which is also saying a great deal, because that pain was like no other, there is no comparison. (um-- yeah for me and the folks with stock in Kleenex.) I have my own place, the first in my adult life. I succeeded in a quest to move up at my work, and am thoroughly enjoying it. I still have plenty of challenges before me, and I take one step at a time to get through them.

I will likely not be celebrating, it is a work day, and we don't do birthdays at work, at least not with this job. Besides, I have no immediate family here, nor any friends up this way that would share a few moments with me on that day. I am not planning on celebrating at all mostly due to what memories the day has for me now. I might sell something and buy myself a small goody, but that will be the extent.( yes I said sell, lol- I have no money burning a hole in my pocket..I use that for laundry, lol.)

I am going to have my wish though, even if I am not blowing out candles. I guess sharing it would put the ol' curse on me of not having it come true, so I won't. But if you know me, you know what I would be wishing for. I certainly hope that it comes true. And in case you are wondering, I don't wish bad things for others, it's asking for a karma butt kick- something I really would rather pass on.

Hugs, and have a good one,

k

My Feline Friend

My muse.

My furry friend.

My Gilly Boy.

We have each other,

and right now that means a lot.

I know he misses having more in his life,

for that matter so do I.

We are both waiting for someday.

Until that time we keep each other

company.

He listens to my mutters, and I

listen to his requests...

more pets...outside?....food now!

And especially..where have YOU been??

Once in a while I hear a ghost..

a meow from my lost boys.

I swear I have heard Jasper once or twice,

but I know it is my imagination.

Or just my heart wanting his hugs again.

This has been the hardest part of letting go,

making myself stay away from them.

I feel sometimes like my children were

stolen from me.

( wait! ..I believe they were.)

And yes, I do cry for them.

Someday Gil and I will have a new home,

and he will have new brothers to hang with.

And hopefully a safe way to visit the outside.

Until then we shall share our small place,

and share a dream as well.

~K

My Perspective-Updated

This entire entry has been deleted by the author.

There may be some truth to the "reason" for his

betrayal, but I still feel in my heart that it is not the whole

reason, just part of it.

The escape was brought on by the little head, and the reasons

he gave were for someone who could not at that time deal with

horrible grief and guilt. Yes, I know that we are all human.

But I surely wish that running away had not been his answer,

or at the very least I had been given a chance.

Instead I became the cause, and I think that was unfair.

Why I was dealt such cruel coldness and deleted from his life with

razor sharpness?

Because he was hurting and I was the closest target?

That he was afraid that I might actually be able to help him?

And in doing so prevent his 'running,'

that is what I think is closer to the truth.

That will forever remain something I did not deserve.

I had, and still have a huge capacity to love.

He never truly understood me, which is evident in the misjudgment of 'me'

that occurred throughout our time together.

Funny that he began the misjudging of me after 5 years had past-

up till that point he was very much in love and happy.

After 5 years?

Just in time for boredom to stink in, and after multiple

events of his looking for other women.

That was something I would not stand for and fought to keep him faithful.

Faith..there it is again..I fought for love and he gave up on it.

It could be that the misjudgment was on purpose, for it was a building ground that

allowed a reason for someone new.

I sometimes wonder if he knows himself well at all.

Sigh...Whatever...It's over now.

Someone else's turn to fight that fight.

And despite "proclamations" of his new love,

I do believe this will happen again... eventually.

Karma will have it's day.

For me? Those days are gone, I've paid

whatever dues I owed.

And I am finished with all this wondering why.

For it is well past the time when I should have let it go.

For that I apologize, something in me demanded the truth.

Something I know now he will not even admit to himself.

He is in My Past, and not my future.

k

Rats, Rats and triple Rats.

I'm running out of time on a few things that are now sharpening their teeth and preparing to bite me in the ass. Received a 'debt' threat from an attorney over one of the accounts I owe. It is all so much I get brain fried just looking at my debt. Credit, taxes and now Medical as well.

I've also been told that the dining set that a friend took in for me to store at her place has to go.

She has been most gracious allowing it to stay as long as it has. I just don't know what I'm going to, or be able to do with it. I attempted to sell it on Craig's List last spring..what a bunch of crooks work that web site! It was a fail.

Today I placed an ad in a newspaper...I would rather had paid them in blood..$30 just for 3 days.

I'm also looking at consignment shop options. At one point I had decided I did not need the set any more..now? It's the one nice room of furniture that I own. I had hoped someday to be in a bigger place and using it again. Yes, my tastes have changed, it really is no longer my style..but it is my history, and I could never afford to purchase something close to it again.

I'm not whining, what I am is frustrated that the same problems from springtime still seem to be haunting me. I've been hoping and praying for a miracle but it does not seem to be forthcoming. I explored what options I had months ago. It would be so nice to have a clean slate..even if I am poor. You never really think about debt being a weight on your shoulders, but even if you don't fret and worry over it, it is always there in the back of your mind, preventing total relaxation and ease. It would be nice to know if I worked overtime that the extra cash could actually be used for something fun, and not a drop that disappears in the presence of interest payments.

So I am spouting the "Rats!" curse. I still have not given up on hopeful prayers and thoughts. It just seems that time is running out. Ha..if anyone has any decent suggestions..I am open for ideas.

kel

Almost Famous

I have to say that so far I am really enjoying the days that I am a Dual Rate Supervisor. It's never boring, and it stays so busy between rushing to the next problem and creating reports that it seems over with in a heartbeat. Yes, I do have a lot to learn yet. I could not be happier with my bosses, they are absolutely cool. They are teaching me in a very positive way, encouraging, supportive and stand back while you do what you have been taught.

Last night was one of the biggest horse racing nights of our year, The West Virginia Breeders Classic. Draw large crowds? Oh yeah. It was a beautiful night, cool breezes and fair weather, and it certainly reflected in the moods of most of the crowds present. I had no sooner arrived then I was already responding to possible intoxication calls, just as all the rest of the Grave shift security management crew was doing. Beverage had just finished assessing a possible candidate for me then they requested my help at one of the bars for an invalid ID.

Arriving at the bar was my first encounter with the 18 member "It's Dave's birthday!" crowd. Yep, the invalid ID was going to have to be walked out. Then it turned out that birthday boy was showing signs of too much celebration. Together with another supervisor Eric, we rounded up folks and went out to the racing apron to gather the rest. In the process of corralling the entire party for escort back to their limo, both Eric and I were dragged into the groups photo session. Not a usual happening by any means. Normally we face folks none too happy with our requests. This group was fun and cooperative, though it did take us a while to gather them all for the walk up to the parking lot. They left laughing and smiling, and that started my night out in a very positive way.

So..if Eric or I should show up on somebody's Face Book page, we claim innocence, it was the easiest and the most pleasant way to handle the situation. I've said my thanks for a great night, and hope that there will be many more to come. And the two times tonight that separate people told me that I looked very much younger than my age? Oh yeah..that brought me smiles as well. Hey it also helps that I feel a lot younger than my years. Try walking a casino floor like we do and not be in shape...physically I feel wonderful too. ( this cold WILL go away...lol!) Have a good day All.

k

The Sleepers have awakened?

In my past there were many interesting and thought provoking discussions that revolved around the sleeping masses. Sometimes these conversations were just tidbits, sometimes they lasted for hours. For the most part it was agreed that billions were sleepers, not interested in the hows or whys of what happened around them, just existing in their own little bubble world, totally oblivious to who or what was actually controlling their lives.

Suddenly the sleepers have awakened, or at least those that have are making enough noise that others are brushing the cobwebs out of their eyes and are listening for the first time. Wallstreet protests, Rome riots...surely more to come. I wonder if we have waited too long? Or perhaps this minor revolution of thought will spread?

Major corporations have been insidiously taking control of our planet for decades if not longer. It has reached a boiling point where the obvious greed and corruption are no longer hidden. 2009 and Wall Streets attitude of "Bail Us Out", even though we are already rich, was a slap in the face to people who struggle each day to just get by. The placing of Wall Street professionals as counselors to our government and Presidents is another part of the plan, and has been for over 40 years, if not longer. The Chairman of the Federal reserve has been in the past accused of fraud in the purchasing of Merrill Lynch by Bank of America., and under the table dealings with AIG, one of the companies bailed out in 2009. Then there is Congresses refusal to tax the rich, and instead place the burden on a dying middle class. They keep fighting to protect those that are already wealthy. What happened to our representation? We cannot contribute enough to their political campaigns. The highest contributors get what they pay for.

How can they not know that the anger is building? The blatant greed and the hope that most people remain sleeping would eventually completely subjugate us under a society totally dominated by Big Business. We are slipping into a feudal world again, with the rich being the Barons and Lords, and the rest of us being the slaves that support them, the middle class will disappear. Does that sound like science fiction? It's not.

Is it too late? I think that depends on how many sleepers awaken. Will we be placated and put back into our places as good little citizens of the world? I sincerely hope that people don't believe that those that are protesting are crack pots and madmen. I have always been an advocate of thinking for yourself, doing some research, and forming your own opinion. What ever we do, it would be to everyone's advantage to NOT sit in front of your TV and suck in what the media will be feeding you. Why? Because our Media is already controlled by 8 of the largest corporations in the world. They decide what to show and tell you.

Think for yourself. Make your own decisions. Don't let Big Brother win. If we do, then we will all be losers in the end. To the Protesters? Thank you for your courage. I hope that your efforts will bring positive change and awaken the sleeping masses to a new reality..one not found on a TV show or in a shopping mall. The message is : Greed is winning. If you care do something about it in a positive way. Don't become a drone for the worshipers of the Golden Calf.

I would be interested in what others have to say about this. Fill free to leave comments, all opinions are welcome, but please..keep it clean.

thoughtfully,

K

A Movie synopsis

Expendables..one of his favorite movies. Men fighting to stay young as long as they can. Yes, they still have something special. But it is kind of sad as well. Early in the movie Sylvester Stallone, remarks something to Jason S. about what women are good for..about 4 hours, then they become tedious, only good for a few moments, then they might talk to you. Ye gads!

Ok..hah. The same can be said for men. A few minutes of time then POOF! No longer viable. All petered out..pun intended. Older men hang onto their youth as long as they can. No matter who they run over to keep it, or who they run to.

Somewhere out there is a man worth keeping. One who does not see women as a short term anything, but someone who shares dreams and visions. I hope to someday be lucky enough to meet that man. I thought I had..but oops! My bad. I better keep looking. That one is still exploring his youth, and trying to find it with someone many years younger. Careful...she might someday decide that he is too old. Ironic, don't ya think?

The Movie: equals men and their weapons, trying to stay young and cool. No matter the weapon, age shall win..there is no beating it. Granted that they can still make the ol' heart go pitter patter...but if they believe that age can be discounted...more fool them, it catches us all.

k

A Sad Cat

Not too much to talk about today, Monday for me is finished, my work week has begun again.

I think I would not live so much by the start and ending of my work weeks if I had more happening in my life. It's a gray foggy morning here, small inspiration for my latest poem, but mostly it causes both Gilly and I to feel sleepy.

I'm a little worried about Gil. He seems a bit off this past week, slower, dulling fur, very dry skin, sleeping a lot. I tried some extra fat on his dinner last night, and after a bite or two he turned his nose up at it. I guess beef fat is not a favorite. I'll try tuna juice next time.

I know it has to be hard for him to go from an active life to just waiting for me to come home from work each day. I allow small excursions on the stamp sized front yard here with my supervision. He is mostly interested in gnawing the grass, a cat salad, good for dental and digestion for felines. I know that the grass is safe, lol..they do very little here other than mow it.

It may be cyclical, he has had mopey times before in his past, a few of my past cat friends did as well. Change of season and weather has something to do with it as well. I just wish there was something that I could do to brighten and cheer him up. He is very content the days I am off, but it really shows in his moods when I am working. Maybe someday we will be back in a house with a yard, and other cats to keep him company so his days are not so boring and lonely.

Until then, love and cuddles, toys and playing fetch will have to do. Have a good day everyone.

K

A little flirting

A little flirting never hurt anyone..even if you did not think you were flirting...lol. Bright blue eyes, with a mop of curly dark hair...or tall dark and handsome...and oh way too young, both of them.

I did not start it..well, not on purpose. Friendly smile, I responded with a small compliment or comment meant sincerely..and twice in one day I blushed and smiled afterwards. I don't believe that either incident (hours apart) would amount to a hill of beans, but it does give me some hope. Those nice young men...with such incredible smiles. It seems that I'm not dead yet...not yet...(laughing). Oh, and though I am not very fond of the word and it's connotations, Go Cougar Power.

laughing myself to sleep

k

ps: I have been told by friends, both male and female, that I lack confidence..that is certainly understandable given this past year. Maybe it's time it came back... maybe.

Sorry, a bit silly and tired, time to lay down now.

dealing with it

I'm headed towards dream land, fighting the same cold, but I thought I would write a quick one.

It was a good night, fights, intoxication, medicals and a my first counterfeit bill report. Lol..what a fun life I lead! At the very least I can say that when I am a supervisor it's never boring. I run my tail off to keep up with someone else's very long legs. ( I used to think that I walked fast..HAH! It takes 10 of my steps to match someone's 2! -and I am still behind him.)

So today (my night) I am weary but happy. The night flew by, filled with characters You would not normally encounter in your days. If you did you'd very likely quickly walk away. Umm..no choice here but to deal with them, and it is good experience. There is no running just facing it and pushing it towards a good conclusion.

I never envisioned my life to take this direction. It was a job taken out of necessity because there was nothing else up here in this area for me. I never envisioned being on my own as I am right now either. In neither of these things was I really given a choice, it was handed to me and I had to accept it and deal with it, which seems to be a theme in my life of late.

Do I wish things had gone differently? Yes, quite often. But since they did not, this is what I have as my life. I could sit and be depressed or I can go and do. I have had more than enough of the depression and tears, it sucks, and I never want to be in that place again. So... you had a new start? At my expense, yes you did. Yes, You fixed all your problems by throwing me out of our house and your life. But hey, I am happy that you found a new job, I knew you deserved better in that respect.

I am reminded of a few pets that came to be part of my family at one time...they were throw aways....thrown out a door, out of a car...and they became part of our family, we took them in and loved them. This time it was me, thrown out by you and I am still wondering what I did to deserve that? I wrack my brain sometimes wondering what horrible thing I must have done to become unwanted overnight, and in every sense abandoned.

I did land on my feet, I landed quite hard, jolting all the way up. I am still trying to find a balance in this new life, as they say "all work and no play"..but it will happen eventually. I'm not so quick to replace what I had believed was real. That's your thing.

Just shoot me

I will stand with my back to the wall..blind fold not necessary, I am too blurry eyed to see the guns. Ready...

Aim...

Fire!

Thanks, I feel better now.

k

Ugh!

Starve a fever...and Kill my Damn Cold!

This...Ugh!!..really bites.

Popping Big B vitamin packed with Vitamin C.

Soup..soup..orange juice.

Sneeze..sneeze..Sneeze! --third dang day in a row for that.

I'm for bed.

Next step, whiskey and honey.

I provide the whiskey..somebody send me a honey...lol-just kidding, I'm infectious..and not a meanie.

Yeah..I'm silly right now...been running a fever...which never helps me

think clearly...Did you say something? Hmmm

Tonight should be fun.

Not.

Who will walk who out? I'm liable to follow them..if there is a pillow at the end of the walk.

~k

Decided I am mean...

I will Killlsss the one that gave me germs!!! <--plotting gruesome explosion. Heh- Heh--

dusts off hands..plans walk away from big nasty mess.

Better start running Moss,I has dynamite.

A push towards normalcy

Not a lot to say tonight, my brain and body are running on auto-pilot. A required meeting scheduled when I normally would still be asleep, and the beginning of a battle over a cold that is invading me. On full attack mode, fluids, Vitamin C, soups and tissues..lol. ( this I believe I can blame on a soft heart...I helped out someone who was obviously in need of some rest with no place to stay, and made a pallet on my living room floor for them to catch some zzz's. Unfortunately, I was rewarded with germs..not sure how..they must have been contagious enough to leave a bug behind. I know it was not done on purpose..but Damn! I Really hate catching colds.)

I took a tiny step towards requesting normal hours this morning. Not sure if what I said will have any immediate effect, but I presented it nevertheless. Don't misunderstand, I really love the crew I have come to know on Grave shift, from management on down. But my days off are spent sleeping, a little cleaning, and not much else. I'd like to sleep when it's dark for a change, and be awake during the days to get out and about. Share time with friends which is difficult when you live a vampires life.

The work meeting was about workplace violence, something that most of us are already familiar with. There is always the potential for any disgruntled patron (or employee) to go over the edge. For the most part I use tone, empathy and never the "YOU" word..always "I". Being assertive does not have to cause someone to get pissed off, not if you are careful how you phrase your words, body posture, and facial expressions. True, more often than not they can push your button with constantly re-asking the same question of "what did I do wrong? Why do I have to leave?" Sometimes they just keep repeating it over and over. I will explain at least 3 times, and then I just get quiet and keep my compass pointed towards a safe departure for them and an end to the situation. Usually that works, but there are times it won't, and I know this.

How can we know exactly how a total stranger will react to being asked to leave? You cannot know. Surveillance and a buddy system help out a great deal. If there is even a possibility of trouble, there are usually two of us doing the job together. If that is not possible Food and Beverage have lent me a hand more than once by staying to provide a better margin of safety, and I really appreciate their help. They usually have the final word on visible signs of intoxication, if they say "yes" there is no other option than a walk out.

I am enjoying learning new skills, the challenge was desperately needed. I would like a better balance between my work and my personal life though. That was all I intended by putting in a bid for different hours.

Now, I have a cat who is trying to lay on my arms to prevent further typing, so I am off. Got to get ready for work, even though my body says rest would be good. Hugs to all.

k

I gots the 'lazy's"

Slept way too long last night, not sure why, perhaps staying up for 24 hours does that, seems to happen every Monday/Tuesday. It's a cool gray day outside, hints of wintertime, though Fall temperatures. The trees still have yet to turn here, though there are a few here and there. Still there has been no first frost to trip the trigger. I should be up raring to go, and I am sitting on my butt, lol.

My favorite time of year..and here I sit. I am going to miss the Pennsylvania drive quite a bit. Tasty Amish food, crafts to lust over, beautiful scenery. This is one of my "that was your old life" moments. Maybe someday..maybe I'll be able to travel again. A good 'wishful sighs' second or two..and then let it go.

Chores ,the same ones every week, my routine. I'll get up soon..er..maybe..I'll get up..Nah.

A bit lonely, but nothing new there. Gilly thought my sleeping was a good thing, cat cuddles most of the night, with a nip towards his mealtime.

" Get up Meowmee! Food time!"

" Ok, now go back to bed...good Meowmee...ahhh..purrrr."

Cat hypnosis..wins each time. I am under his spell...feline mind control...his cat voodoo is very strong.

He is requesting catnip and cat cookies, and no productive moves out of me.

hahah...

k

Shake Yer Bootie!

Ok, it was S-L-O-W last night compared to Friday and Saturday. I stood on post for most of the night..for those that don't know what I do for a living, I am a Dual Rate Security Supervisor.

That means I split my work days between being a Security Supervisor and being a Security guard. Last night was a guard night. My first couple of door posts were fairly steady for Identification verification. But as hours progressed door traffic began to slow down to a crawl, it was after all Monday morning in the wee hours and the beginning of the work week for the nine-to-fivers.

So..what to do to pass the time? Quite a few officers doodle, but I sing and dance..lol. Well, not loudly, or a lot of spastic movement, but enough to lift my mood. Yeah, after two years, I am not too concerned about what people think of my singing or dancing abilities. It makes work fun, and that is shared in sunny smiles and pleasant greetings and good nights for those coming and going. The musical fare at work is usually 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's music, so yeah, I know most of the words to sing along. (grab some ear plugs..hahaha!)

Working the H-Lounge on Friday and Saturday night as a supervisor has created an itch..I'd love to go out sometime to socialize, dance and have a few drinks..it has been a very long time. I cannot do this at my workplace, it's a giant NO-NO for us to be seen on our off hours imbibing anywhere at the casino. But I would love to let my hair down, it's been way too long since I last boogied. ( or at least attempted to, lol..I am not the world's greatest dancer...and I really don't care. I get to watch everyone else attempt it, so what I look like on the floor is not something to worry about. I've seen what some qualify as dancing, and believe me..I know I could do better. I find myself suppressing laughter while watching the floor..usually try to keep that in and just smile! I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.)

So, if any of my friends feel the same urge..give me a call. It might be hard to match schedules, since my weekend is everyone else's work week, but I will try to request a Friday off if something can be planned ahead of time. Come ON! I wanna Shake Mah Bootie too!!

Have a great week 9-5er's

kel